After coming across these teachings from my mother a while ago, I have wanted to write in and ask a question, though I found I didn’t quite need to ask any questions yet. The questions that had been asked before me were enlightening in themselves. However I now find myself in some personal turmoils and not quite sure how to frame my situation to myself to be sure to manifest the positivity and love I need to get out of where I am now.
A few months ago, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I was absolutely positive and felt capable of many things, including being successful in my career. Since leaving my full-time job (my contract ended at the company I was working for), I have faced many challenges in being a freelancer. Before my job ended, however, I sought out my doctor to help me deal with depression (I have been suffering from depression for what feels like most of my life). It can hit at unexpected times or be triggered by circumstance and catch me completely unawares. Being a believer in the law of attraction and manifestation, I felt it was something I needed to start working on before leaving my job, which is why I started treating it ahead of my freelancing, thinking that I would be enabling myself to be in a better place to manifest the positivity I needed to be a successful freelancer.
Jobs that I thought were going to manifest along the way fell away, and I struggled to make ends meet. My moods went up and down, though less drastically than before thanks to treatment. This has all led to where I am today, as even though I felt I was getting somewhere with my freelancing, I felt lost on what I had to offer, lost on my own capabilities. Almost as if somewhere deep down I felt I was missing a part of myself but couldn’t fathom what it was. I eventually came to the conclusion that I have been out of touch with my own creativity, with no idea how to access it to make it a part of my work or offerings.
Not long after that, my depression reared its ugly head, not helped along by the fact that one of my clients has decided not to pay me and refuses to communicate with me about it. So now not only do I feel lost, I feel alone and unsure of how to keep moving forward. Do I give up or put a placeholder in where I am trying to get to, or keep going forward. How does one figure out how to manifest oneself into a more positive direction, especially when dealing with self-worth and depression? I have people in my life who tell me they care and that I am loved yet I honestly struggle to see it. I truly want to learn how to move forward from here and to manifest abundance (which is not moneyfocused for me, but I would like to learn how to manifest what I need to survive and live in abundance).
Thank you for considering my question.
The very fact that you are interested in the laws of the universe and the system of physical reality indicates that you are well along the path to the discovery of who you are. There is much more for you to learn and we encourage you to pursue your interest in these things as they are absolutely the key to the manifestation of all that you truly want. Here are a few things we will say that are the absolute truth of you.
You are loved. The love does not come from others, it comes from inside. It comes from Source, from your inner self, from yourself, from all of your guides and supporters and from the universe itself. Do not look for love outside of you. It is only to be found within. You do not require love from others. You did not come here to be loved by others. That is a false desire based in insecurity and fear. You only came to express your love for others and the conditions that currently exist in your life, unconditionally.
You are not flawed. Your depression is nothing other than fear. Without fear, you could not be depressed. It would not be possible. Learn to process your fears by reframing your idea of self and you will cure your depression. You feel what depression is because you are a highly sensitive person. All of those who have an interest in the laws of the universe are highly emotional beings. Your emotions are nothing more than your guidance system. When you choose a perspective based in fear, it causes you to disconnect yourself with your inner self and you receive a message in the form of negative emotion. If you cannot associate the cause of the negative emotion with the perspective you are choosing, it’s simply because your habit of choosing the limited perspective is based in highly developed and ingrained limiting beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Your deepest belief is that you are not worthy. Don’t worry about that. It is a very common misconception.
You feel you are not worthy, even though who you really are is an ascended master. You are a magnificent and limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. You came here for a purpose which goes far beyond any career. You came here to discover who you are, but you are playing it safe because you have saddled yourself with a load of limiting beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of. You are limitless, so stop comparing yourself to others or worrying about how you are perceived.
You do not need money. Believe it or not, your powers are greater than that. You do not have to be good to be paid for what you do because you are already good. You cannot make a mistake unless you try to be someone you are not. Simply follow what interests you and maintain a positive emotional state of being. Your creativity comes not from your mind, but flows forth from the universe through you as inspired thought. Simply tap into the feeling of what you want and let it come out in confidence and love.
There’s nothing wrong with you as you are right now. We will let you in on a little secret; you are perfect. That’s right. You are perfect as you are. Even your depression is perfect. You cannot get any better. You might evolve through experience, but that will not make you any better than you are now, just different. You were perfect on the day you were born and you are perfect now. So stop trying to fix yourself. Use the treatments if you like, but those treatments do not define you. You are simply caught in a trap of the illusion of reality and you are perceiving danger by thinking things are wrong.
Nothing is wrong. You are simply not a vibrational match to the success you want yet. You have some experiences to move through and this will cause you to come into alignment with the success you want. It will take as long as you resist it. When you call the client wrong for not paying you, you are resisting and this feeds the fear. Instead of calling him wrong, you must take responsibility for the reality that YOU created and continue to create. Your reality would not be better if he paid you because this would rob you of the experience and stifle the alteration that you must make to how you see yourself. The clients do not pay you, the universe is abundant and if you allow abundance to flow, it will come in from many sources. If you perceive lack, those sources are cut off by you, not the client. Perceive that you are an abundant being and you will receive whatever you need to do whatever you need to do when you need to do it and not a moment before.
Read more books. Listen to more speakers. Elevate your perspective. Strive to feel good. Change your opinion about what is wrong in your life and see it as just more defining experiences. See yourself as the magnificent and limitless being of love that you are and your reality will reflect that. Move out of fear and into love by knowing that you are the creator of your reality. Take full responsibility for your creation and stop worrying, complaining, or finding fault with anyone or anything. This is how you create your reality, how you move from fear to love, and how you discover who you really are. You are just starting and this is one of your first steps. We are thrilled you are here at this point in your life ready to discover who Alyx really is!
You are loved more than you can imagine by more than you could ever count.