I’m having a hard time with the homework right now. I’m in a very confusing relationship. It’s messed up.
He has been abusing alcohol and drugs off and on, often on weekends and it causes issues for me. I feel like he is not good enough, but I know that it’s because I feel that way about myself. He sometimes gets angry and calls me names or gets intense in public and I find it embarrassing and I get angry. I get so angry that I also yell and judge him. I feel like he puts me in unsafe conditions. Anyway, I broke up with him on this trip awhile ago and that is challenging of course because we are still on this trip.
Sometimes he stops drinking or doing drugs because I give him a hard time or threaten to leave, but not this time. I feel this is unhealthy and I’m trapped because I can’t afford to leave but also do love and care for him. We get along at other times quite well and have fun. We like to dance, joke, swim, hang out, eat good food etc.I also feel ashamed of myself because of this. Things are deteriorating with him in every way.
There are a few limiting beliefs here but I’m not sure what the evidence would be to let go of all of this.
I’m not good enough
I can control others to feel good.
It’s wrong for others to call me names or yell at me in public.
This whole thing is wrong.
It’s a big one.
I got some evidence.
I have nothing to be afraid of.
There is no wrong.
No one can hurt me unless I allow it.
It’s not personal.
Who you really are is a magnificent and limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. Who you are being is a limited version of that. You are limited by one thing and one thing only; fear. The fear manifests because you have certain limiting beliefs. You believe that you are not magnificent, not limitless and not good enough. You question your worthiness and so being with someone who treats you as if you are unworthy of anything better conforms to your beliefs. As you perceive yourself to be more worthy, which is what you are doing in this bootcamp right now, you will no longer be a match to one who treats you as unworthy. You will see the fear as limiting and irrational. You will see the fear as false. You will prove the fear is false and you will push past your fears and leave the relationship. At some point, you will make the decision to leave. When you do that, you will rise to the next level of self-discovery.
Who you are is one who is worthy of all that she desires in this world. The illusion is that you are not worthy. That is simply an illusion that has you convinced. You see, the reality of this world will always be a mirror to your beliefs. When your beliefs change, your reality changes. You will be inspired to take action that matches your new beliefs. However, when you receive inspiration too act, fear will always pop up. There is no getting around this fact. If you want to live the life you dream of, you will have to find the courage to push past your fears. When you take action when inspired, it will always, always lead to your highest good and the good of all involved. You are doing yourself and your mate no favors by succumbing to fear.
So then, are you ready now to push past your fear and leave? Will you be ready in a week, a month, a year, this lifetime, or the next lifetime? Eventually you will be ready. The sooner you take action on the inspiration, the sooner you will rise to the next level. The question will always remain, when? When you will finally push past your fears? How much longer will you succumb to irrational fear?
You are right. You have nothing to fear. There is no wrong. No one can hurt you. The hurt is always self-inflicted. It is not personal. You evoke fear in your mate. The fear that you will leave. The fear that he is not good enough. Your feelings of unworthiness attracted someone else who feels unworthy. This relationship will always be painful for both of you. There’s nothing you can do for him. You must think of yourself. You are not responsible to him, only to yourself. No matter what happens, as your sense of worthiness continues to rise, as it absolutely will in this bootcamp, you will make the decision to push past fear because the emotional intensity of maintaining the relationship will become too much to bear. And so we say it is time to push past fear and start your new life. The alternative will grow increasingly unbearable. The fear will become too great to bear and one of you will receive the urge to change the conditions. That urge will never be aligned with what you truly want.
With our love,
We are Joshua