Dear Joshua,

How do I move through the pain of attachment? I have felt like I was attached to certain women that provided me the comfort I never received from my mother. (I get that she did her best and had her own problems and can now say I’m grateful she played her part in my reality.) I keep repeating the cycle of feeling attached then feeling abandonment. I get that I set this up. I’m not sure how to move through this.

Thank you very much for helping me.


Dear Tammy,

The pain of attachment is derived from living life outside of yourself. You perceive that your emotions, which exist inside yourself, are activated by outside events. This is simply not the case. Your emotions are part of your inner guidance system. At all times, you are being guided by your emotions. If you feel positive emotion, you are perceiving your reality as it really is. You feel good because you perceive that things are going well. If you feel negative emotion, such as the perceived loss of love, you feel fear and pain. This does not feel good. This is your inner self letting you know that your current perception of your reality is off. You are looking at the illusion and not the reality. Negative emotion does not mean that something bad has happened. It means that you are falsely perceiving that something bad is happening. This is due to one or more unprocessed limiting beliefs that exist within you.

Your inner reality is reflected by your outer reality. You create your own reality based on the vibration you are emitting. Your vibration is the sum total of your approach to life, your beliefs, your attitudes, your behaviors, etc. You have certain unique limiting beliefs. These beliefs are manifested in your attachment to mother figures. Why is this? It’s due to your belief that you were not loved by your mother in the way that you “NEED” and so you are now trying to manifest this lack of love by manipulating the conditions outside of you. This violates the system of physical reality and can never, ever work. You must give this up.

When you feel that you are receiving love from a mother figure, it is due to your beliefs that it is possible to receive love and that this person is providing you with what you need. These are two separate and equally false premises. All you are doing is believing that love is flowing and believing that this is a good thing. You are making it up in your own mind. It has literally nothing to do with the other person. Because you believe in the potential for loss of love, then these people must leave or at least appear to withhold their love. They are not actually doing this, because there was no true love (in the sense you are understanding love) being given to you.

You must understand that you never intended to receive love from others. You intended to love and accept yourself, all others and the conditions as they are. You cannot receive love. No one can. That is not possible. All you can do is express your love. When we say love, we are also saying acceptance. Love and acceptance are the same thing. You do not need to be loved or accepted for this is not truly possible, since you cannot control the perception of others. They are subject to their own fears and limiting beliefs. Therefore, their love is never reliable or even true. They will always have their own fears around you. No one is without fear and therefore, no human can offer their love absolutely and unconditionally. The need for love is based solely on your limiting belief that you lack love. This belief is false, as are all limiting beliefs.

You are loved more than you can imagine by more than you could ever count. That’s right. You are loved unconditionally by the only beings who could possibly love unconditionally; your inner self and your millions of nonphysical guides and supporters. They are eternal and without fear. They have the ability to accept you as you are. Physical beings possess fears and limiting beliefs and this imposes limitations of the amount of love and acceptance they can truly offer. You have no idea what anyone is ever thinking and so if you perceive that someone loves you, it is your imagination at work. If you perceive that they do not love you, it is also due to an uncontrolled imagination. You do not have control over the way anyone sees you. You only have control over one thing; your perception of reality.

You can choose to perceive that others love you or not. You can chose to believe that you were not loved enough as a child and this is why you are exploring the subject of attachment right now. Or you can choose to believe that you are the creator of your reality and everything you need exists within. That’s your only true choice. You can gain control over the thoughts you think. You can process your limiting beliefs every single day of your life. You can come to approach life as a creator rather than as a victim. You can do the work. You can free yourself from the pain of attachment. Or you can sink back into self pity and victimhood. There is no wrong way to explore reality. The only thing that will ever matter is how you feel.

Explore life as a victim trying to coax conditions to make you feel something you don’t already feel (which will never work) or seek the love and acceptance you desire by loving and accepting yourself, everyone else and the conditions as they exist in this moment.

With our love,
We are Joshua