Hi Joshua and blessings…
I have a relationship question that I would like to get your point of view on. My husband of 16 years is a very strong man. He is strong is who he is and what he wants out of life. He feels he has been here (lifetimes) so many times that he doesn’t care what others think – as long as he is happy. He balances himself pretty well between his male and female sides. He is very loving towards me and our children. He also likes his female friends and gets them to the point that they feel very deep emotions for him.
This aspect is hard to me to deal with. One is particular he has a very strong connection with – they feel they have known each other before in other past lives. They crave to be with one another. Her name is Jessie and their deep connection has been very hard to me. With Jessie he spends a dedicated time with her every week for about 4 hours and they do fun stuff and spend quality one-on-one time. I have to admit that I am very jealous of that. I do realize that I have to appreciate the time he and I spend together and not be jealous when he gives her attention. I also do realize that my self-worth plays into this as well. I can’t change who he is nor can I make him change to make myself happy so I just want some advice on how to deal with myself and be okay with his love for her.
Thank you and Blessings
You and your husband came together in this relationship for a purpose. You were and are a match to each other and in being such a strong match there are things for you to learn within the framework of this relationship, just as there are things for him to learn as well. You are awakening to a new level of consciousness and you are already far ahead of most people on this planet at this time. So is your husband. But both of you are in the process of becoming even more conscious and you are moving to higher levels spiritually.
We will start our discussion by acknowledging that our point of view is designed to help you see your life and this relationship from our higher, broader perspective which is somewhat detached. You, in your life and from your point of view are emotionally tied to this relationship and your family. You have the aspect of fear which is prevalent and we do not. Fear is simply your belief that something could happen to disrupt the life you now enjoy. We want to bring you to a perspective where fear is not a factor.
So then, imagine a life without fear. If you had no fear that anything unwanted could happen, then how would you see this friendship between this woman and your husband? You would view it as similar to his male friendships. You would not be concerned in the least. He has no intention of leaving you for any of his male friends and he has no intention of leaving you for any of his female friends. It is simply your fear that creates this possibility.
Now, having said that, many women in your position would have similar fears. It is common to think this way given the beliefs forced upon you by society. Society believes that men and women should play certain roles, but these beliefs are born out of fear and have no place within your relationship. Whether your husband chooses to stay with you for life or not, really has nothing to do with who you really are and what you really want. You are the essence of unconditional love and so is everyone else. However, it is fear that keeps you from becoming the highest version of who you really are. This fear causes you to receive thoughts that are contrary to who you are and what you want. Eliminate the fear and you allow unconditional love to grow within you.
You are here to understand more about the concept of unconditional love. Love which is unconditional means that you love everything regardless of the conditions. If the conditions are good, you love and if the conditions are what some would consider bad, you love just as much. You love others even if they do not love you in return. Your love is not conditioned on the love or feelings another has for you. That would not matter to you. The only expression of love that is meaningful to you is how you express your love, not how others return the affection.
This is a very lofty concept that we know you are ready to hear and understand. We know you already know this information and we are giving you permission to hold onto your jealousy if it comforts you. However, you know that at some level you must love your husband and his friend no matter what they decide to do. If they remain friends, you love them both and if something else happens you still love them. You love them because you know that everything you really want is coming to you.
If your husband lives faithfully within your marriage, then that is what you really want and it has manifested for you. However, if your husband chooses to leave the relationship, this then is a critical and very important part of delivering to you that which you truly want. This is the single most important aspect of creation and if you can see that, then you are truly conscious. If you can understand that things are always working out to bring you to where you really want to go, then when something happens that seems bad from your perspective, it is really something that is part of the journey to where you want to go and is indeed truly beneficial. In fact, if the event that seems painful does not happen, you could not get to where you want to go.
So this is the perspective that will ultimately ease your discomfort with their relationship. If you can see that no matter what happens, it is always something that serves you well, then you can relax in that understanding and release your fears. Now, here’s the benefit to living without fear. If you can be comfortable and fearless, then your own mind cannot create situations where what is unwanted could happen. Let us explain this concept further.
You are in a wonderful relationship with your husband and children. Everything is going well and you are happy. However, there is one aspect of the relationship you choose to define as unwanted. This is quite acceptable and is part of the design of physical reality. You live your life experiencing wanted and unwanted and from that you create preferences and birth desires. That’s good. However, when you say that you are in a happy relationship except for this one aspect, you create a preference for something else to happen. You would like the relationship to exclude this one piece and now you birth a desire for something different than what is. You now ask the universe to bring you a different relationship, one where the man does not have female friends. However, what you are doing is asking the universe to make you feel better by eliminating the thing you don’t like.
This is an attractive universe. You attract what is wanted and what is unwanted. The universe cannot tell your preference, only your point of focus. When you focus on what’s wanted, the universe brings that to you. When you focus on escaping some condition you do not like, the universe bring you more of that. So, by asking for relief from something you don’t like, the universe can only bring you more examples of this. Your fear actually causes a deepening of their relationship or more relationships just like it.
The only thing you can do is release your fear and turn your focus away from this uncomfortable aspect and toward aspects that you appreciate. You can’t change your husband and his friend for they cannot change until you change. They are here to help you see where your fears lie. Until you change, they must keep showing you your fear. When you have no fear, you have changed and then everything must work out as you want it. They may still be involved in their relationship, but without fear, you feel joy that they have fun together. It is your feeling of joy that is the only thing that matters.
Most people you know would agree that their relationship is inappropriate and they would caution you. However, this is your life and your reality and you are the creator of all of it. Your negative emotion is your indication that you are looking at this condition in fear rather than with love. Move toward love and away from fear and you will feel relief. This feeling of relief will be your indication that you are altering your beliefs and allowing what you really want to continue.
You are loved more than you could imagine by more than you could count.