I have been reading all of Astrid’s Q&As and I have had so many aha moments. She has asked so many of the questions that I could have asked myself, because unworthiness and fear of negative emotion are issues I am struggling with too. One big issue for me is to accept everything and everyone as right. I tend to judge people, even though I try my best to seem very accepting, but lately I am starting to realise that this is a “fake” acceptance to seem more likable by others (if that makes sense?!).
Deep inside I have so many ideas of the “right” behavior, the right this and that. I know now that this is ultimately because I don’t accept myself, and I have so many ideas of what I should do and be like. Anyway, lately I have really tried to change my perspective, loosing up on rigid ideas about myself, other people, circumstances and events. What I find though is something strange; it is like I don’t see the “meaning” if I don’t judge someone or something. So my question is: why does it seem like it gives some sort of meaning to resist other people/circumstances, and judge them to be right/ wrong or good/bad. Why do I resist giving up on judging people/conditions?
You are exactly right. Judgment seems to give meaning to events or to people’s behavior. If you live in duality, then believing that something is good gives it meaning and depth as you compare it to something bad. For instance, you can look at someone and compare yourself to them favorably and then look at someone else and see that they are better than you and this gives you the perception of meaning. You perceive that you know where you stand in relation to other people. It seems like you have defined yourself and this might give you a sense of how you are doing. “I’m not doing as well as those people, but I’m definitely doing so much better than those people” and this is your excuse to feel good. Therefore, the more people you judge as wrong in comparison to yourself, the better you can feel about yourself. Do you see how you are manipulating the conditions in order to feel good? You are trying to control the conditions in an attempt to avoid the negative emotion you fear so much. However, that is the old approach to life and it cannot work.
If you use judgment to feel good, then you will judge others more harshly. This action disassociates yourself with many people, most importantly your family and friends. If you are in the habit of using judgment to control your conditions, then you will also use judgment to control the actions of those around you. This can never work in your favor because ultimately, you must continue to judge them as wrong, so that you can feel good about yourself. This goes against your true desire for love and harmony with other people. This habit will cause you to break relationships due to fear rather than build them through love and acceptance.
As we are certain you are aware, you are a limitless being of love and acceptance. When you deny who you are through the use of judgment, you feel conflict and this causes stress on the body. Maintain your stance of judgment and you will feel the effects of this type of resistance as it manifests in an unwanted bodily condition. Do you have any unwanted chronic conditions yet? If so, you can release them by releasing your judgment. If not, you can prevent the onset of unwanted physical issues by releasing your judgment.
When you become aware that judgment is caused by the fear of negative emotion and is simply a tool of control, you can see it for what it really is. That is half the battle. As you begin to notice when you are judging and why you are doing it, you can ease your judgment and give others the benefit of the doubt. You see, if you judge others, you must abide by the strict requirements of your own judgment lest you be judged yourself. In doing so you create great limitations in your experience of life. Ultimately, the judgment of others has no effect on them, only you. You are the only one ever condemned by your judgment and in doing so you prevent yourself from exploring what you came here to explore.
Judgment is a fundamental aspect of physical reality. It is part of your survival instinct. It is in your nature and was certainly passed on to you by the experiences of your childhood. You adopted the practice from others. But you have the ability to see it for what it is and to realize that it does not work in an attractive universe. You attract the essence of that which you judge as wrong and in doing so you gather all these things you do not prefer.
Practice being a limitless being of love and acceptance by understanding that you are beyond definition. As you judge others, it has no meaning. There is no true meaning in judgment because as a limitless being, you and all others are beyond definition. You are limitless. Judgment is simply limiting and is not necessary. There is no wrong. Anything you think of as bad or wrong is caused by an illusion created from fear. Find the fear, analyze it, determine that it is irrational, and reduce its intensity. If you can do this, you can reduce your own limitations and live the life you truly prefer.
With our endless and infinite love for you,
We are Joshua