Dear Joshua,

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my son and daughter in law (DIL). Lately, I’ve been noticing how much my DIL has been really riding my son – like constantly pointing out how he is wrong and ridiculing him for the things he does, etc. unlike the me of the past – I haven’t intervened – I haven’t said anything to either of them – but I have to tell you it makes me really uncomfortable.

So I’ve been processing what my limiting beliefs may be around this. I know I am judging my DIL when I hear her say something to my son I find “un-loving” – I realize she has MANY fears and limiting beliefs she may not be ready to process – yet I’m confused as to if I am hearing this – is it somehow for me? Is it reflecting my reality? I can see how it would be for me in that it gives me an opportunity to simply be the observer – not get involved – accept them as they are without placing any judgement or thinking it is wrong – absolute and complete acceptance of the conditions as they are.

But am I missing something here? I have a lot of emotion around this situation and I get foggy on where the lines are here.

Can you walk me through this? Am I approaching it from a higher perspective – as my inner self would – I feel I am just to close to these conditions to see them clearly ~ and I would like your clarity and guidance.

With Love and Gratitude ~ Wendy

Dear Wendy,

If you were to go to the store and buy a mirror, would you select one that reflects a more beautiful version of you? Would you want a mirror that displays a thinner version or one where your hair is longer? Would the mirror be useful if it hid the blemishes in your skin? It would not. You want a mirror to reflect an accurate image of your body and face. Otherwise, the mirror would not serve its intend purpose. Your DIL is the perfect reflection of your son’s vibration. Don’t change the mirror, change the vibration.

As you witness the harsh treatment your son seems to be experiencing, your perception is clouded by your own fears and limiting beliefs. You perceive that if your DIL treated your son in the way you perceive he should be treated, in the way you treat him, then he (and more importantly, you) would feel better. As you know, this is not the design of the system.

You want your DIL to accurately reflect the vibration your son is emitting. Your son wants this also. Theoretically, he could have selected a mirror that would have shown him a different image, an image that was softer and kinder, but did not reflect his true feelings. Of course, this mirror would not have been useful and he would not have believed or respected anything this theoretical person would have said. Therefore, the mirror would not really exist. Do you see how this system works?

The entire system is based on feedback. It allows you all to receive a reality that perfectly reflects the vibration you are offering. If your son felt differently about himself, he would attract either a different version of his wife, or a different mate altogether. His current mate is the perfect reflection of his current vibration. However, this is not about him, it’s about you. You perceive that if your DIL was different than she is, you would feel better.

In order for you to feel better on your own, you must alter your perspective. Your son (and DIL) are navigating their reality. That reality includes you and everyone else as satellites revolving around their personal experiences of life. These satellites provide meaningful feedback. Your DIL is responding appropriately based on the convergence of these two vibrations. Her limiting beliefs are being reflected back to her and at times she feels fear. She perceives that if your son was different than he is, she would feel better and so she naturally responds to urges to change him. He appreciates the feedback on a soul level as he is inspired to live up to her expectations. He perceives himself to be flawed as do almost all humans. In the feedback he receives from her, he can more clearly analyze the perceived flaws. If he is able to realize that he is not flawed, he will alter his vibration and a new reality will be created for him. This reality is not better or worse than his current reality. It is simply reflective of his new vibration. That is all that’s going on here.

If you can see all of this from a higher perspective, you can allow this expansion to take place. He either will or will not alter his views on himself. He will either raise his perspective or not. Either way, the experience is expansive. You can see how this experience causes some mothers to feel fear and intervene. This would be a response to an urge to change the conditions. It would be action based in fear. These actions solve nothing other than causing conflict between mothers and DIL’s. It does not help anything. It adds fear to the relationship. This is not what you truly want.

You want to add love and acceptance to your relationship with your DIL. You can do this by looking at the situation from the higher perspective. You can analyze your limiting beliefs, process your fears and raise your vibration. You can love and accept all of your son’s satellites. You can have faith in the system. If you accept your DIL as she navigates the relationship as best she can, you can also see her as perfect as she is. This will allow you access to inspiration. If you receive the true inspiration to an action based in pure love, you might do or say something that will be of benefit to all involved. If you act on an urge to change anyone, you simply create unnecessary conflict.

With our love,
We are Joshua