Hello Gary,

I would like to ask another question to Joshua, if you have time. Maybe you don’t remember me, but I asked a question regarding the loss of my son Joey, he should have been 13 now, he left last year at his 12 years old, in a bicycle accident.

I feel that despite all the things I want to believe like eternity, law of attraction, expansion, etc. I feel that there is a point where I can’t cross, where I feel “stuck”, a point where there are things I need to feel, and think in order to expand. As parents, we would die for our kids, right? If the only thing we have to eat is a piece of bread, we wouldn’t share, we will give it to our kids without thinking, we don’t care about us.

Our kids are always first and more important, so I can’t accept this event as “an opportunity to begin to live my life more fully” at the cost of my son life. Because as a mother I would have preferred to not learn anything, to live a misery and unhappy life, instead to lose my son. And I don’t care if I suffer, I care and suffer seeing my daughter without her brother, or Joey’s best friend missing him, and I really, really, suffer remembering all the things Joey wanted to do when he grow up, and to think he didn’t have the chance.

Even If I know I can communicate with Joey more than before, that does not lessen the pain to think how much he has missed, because I don’t care about me or about my pain for missing him. “Acceptance” is the point I can’t cross, and to “learn and live a happy life” at the expense of “his leaving.” I feel that I live because I am still here, so I need to be useful for somebody, my daughter principally, and to try to do the best to help the rest of the people in my life. But, I don’t expect to much for me, just to live whatever I have left to live, peacefully,

So, how can someone live happier after living the loss of a child?

Thanks Gary. Thank you, and I hope I was understandable in my question, English is my second language and the selection of words may not be the appropriate.


Dear Valeria,

We thank you for your bravery in asking this question. Like any parent who has lost a child, you think more for their welfare than your own. This is natural. It is part of the survival instinct. This was the design of physical reality. It is so powerful in fact, that you feel you can not go on to live a happy life. Not only does that seem inappropriate by your social standards, but it seems impossible given your habit of thought.

So what are you to do? You have no choice but to think thoughts of “what if.” What if this had happened differently? What if Joey could have grown up and lived a normal life? Wouldn’t that have been wonderful? Obviously it would. But your habit of thought is preventing you from your own possibilities. What would your life be like if you could live free from the bonds of your grief? That’s what Joey is asking.

You see while you live in grief for the loss of your son, you’re not living to your highest potential. That’s perfectly alright, but what if Joey was wishing this for you? Just as you are wishing he could have grown up and experienced the fullness that life has to offer, he is wanting you to “Shake it off” and begin to live as you would if he was still here. You see, that’s because he is still here.

The reason Joey wants you to free yourself from the grief is because he wants to be with you while you’re still here and he’s also still here. Until you can get yourself into a more positive state of mind, he can’t communicate with you in the way he wants to. There is something that will happen once you release the guilt. It will happen eventually as you grow older, but you could do it now. There is more to this story than you are allowing.

You have two choices; feel bad that Joey is gone or feel good about everything that is still here. Joey wants you to feel good. But you don’t have to feel good if you can’t. It’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling. But simply think about how this system of reality works. If you keep dwelling on what is missing, you will keep experiencing feelings of loss. This is how the Law of Attraction works. As soon as you start asking for different feelings, they will be given to you. But you have to ask first.

You say that you would have rather died in place of Joey. This is natural, but would you really want him to feel the way you’re feeling now? Isn’t this grief a much worse feeling than what you know he’s feeling now? He is experiencing joy while you are
experiencing sadness. He wants you to share his joy.

It is no accident that you found us. You are one of very, very few humans who have had an opportunity to ask us a question. You would have a much easier time winning the lottery. So how do you think it is that you were led to us? How do you think that out of all the people in the world, you were the 9th person to ask us a question? Don’t you see what’s happening? Isn’t it obvious?

It is okay if you cannot hear our answer very clearly. You are stuck in a problem and our solution is hard to see from your vantage point. But your questions will do more to help other parents in your situation for many years to come than almost anything else available to them. Our solution is for you to see this event from our broader perspective. If you can take an honest look at the event from our point of view, your perspective will change and you’ll begin to feel a little better.

Before we share our perspective, we want you to know that it is alright to hold this grief as long as it is comfortable for you. When you decide that you want to give it up and begin to live again, for you, not for anyone else, then that will be alright too. The purpose of this event was for you to learn who you really are and to move forward through this experience to a higher level of consciousness. This event that you call a tragedy is really an opportunity for growth. It is a big opportunity for you to see the physical environment for what it is; a grand illusion. Joey is with you now. He has transitioned from a physically-focused spiritual being to a nonphysically-focused spiritual being. He now has full access to you. He is fully with you now. You can and will have access to him as well. This feeling of separation is an illusion. You can feel him now but you can only do it from a positive state of being. It is possible if you will just shed your limiting beliefs.

You believe he is gone, but he is not. Your beliefs tell you that, because you cannot perceive him with your physical senses, then he is not here. But you have much deeper senses that you specifically can tap into. You must go into your inner world. You must start meditating. You must start thinking about him in a happy way. If you want to experience what it is like to connect with Joey on a deeper level, then you must release the grief and embrace the understanding that there is more going on here than meets
the eye.

It is not a coincidence that you met us. It is not a coincidence that other things are happening around you. Look for signs of Joey everywhere. He’s placing them there for you to see. When you see a sign, think of him. When you catch yourself in a smile, think of Joey. That’s all he’s trying to do right now. He wants you to smile.

You are truly loved more than you can imagine.