Hi Joshua,

Sometimes it just seems like you have numerous negative beliefs going on at one time. My grandsons teamed up today to do as many things as possible to get yelled at and ended up with threats of various punishments, which only escalates things more. When it comes down to the threats, my oldest grandson begins to be super fresh and heaves things around the yard and calls his aunt a bitch (just enough to be heard). I can see how it starts to grow and becomes worse so I pretty much step away and let my daughter do her thing, but that doesn’t make it better.

So….I have a bunch of beliefs running around:
They shouldn’t do what they do.
They should just play and have fun.
They have no respect for anyone.
She’s got to get a handle on this or it’s going to get worse.
She should get some expert help in dealing with these kids.
I can’t spend my summer like this….and on and on.
It’s almost impossible to know where to begin!
Earlier she took them for a long walk in some new wooded trails our town just built as they were just making each other scream (and any adult around them) so I had a lovely quiet afternoon.
It seems that the more adults around the wackier they get.
It’s not every day, but more often than I’d like.
O.K Joshua, where do I begin?
I realize it’s happening for me, but it’s almost more than I feel I can handle


Dear Sue,

You do not have any negative or positive beliefs. Your beliefs are neither right or wrong, they simply exist. Some beliefs are limiting and others are empowering. Your empowering beliefs have helped you create the wonderful life that you now enjoy. Your limiting beliefs are preventing you from feeling good and moving toward your fullest potential. That’s perfectly alright. There’s is not a thing wrong with any of it. Your beliefs are not wrong, your thoughts are not wrong and your grandsons are not wrong. Everything is right. However, if you would like to move toward the approach to life that will be most effective (in all areas), simply alter your set of beliefs so that on the whole they become more empowering and less limiting.

You can raise the intensity of your empowering beliefs through gratitude and appreciation. “I appreciate my grandsons for their help in allowing me to see myself from a higher perspective. I appreciate my daughter and see how wonderful she is as a mother. I know that this is just a phase and everyone is actively figuring it out for themselves. I understand that my grandsons chose me as their grandmother, because I have the ability to see them from the higher perspective.”

You can reduce the intensity of your limiting beliefs as well. “I do not need my grandsons to be different than they are for me to love them. I do not need my daughter to control them. I do not need to change them. I do not need to add more fear into the mix. I can appreciate them as they are by stepping back and understanding that they are here to live free from fear. Control is fear and when they are behaving in a way that triggers adult’s limiting beliefs, the adults receive urges to control the conditions. Since these actions are based in fear, my grandsons cannot and will not respond positively to fear, since they are beings based in love and acceptance. When they are not accepted as they are, they will also respond with urges to change the conditions and this is part of the path toward their discovery of who they truly are. All of the conditions that are around them are helping them to create very strong trajectories.”

Imagine if you could remain neutral to all of this. Imagine if you could practice love and acceptance of all involved. Imagine if you could become an allower in this situation. If you could accept everyone as they are in this intense environment, then you could also accept yourself and all others in every other situation. If you could do this, you would be the more authentic version of you. The inauthentic version of you is one who responds in fear with urges to change the conditions. The authentic version of you practices acceptance and does not allow fear to dictate how you feel or how you react.

When you react in fear with urges to control the conditions, you conduct an exploration of victimhood. You become the victim to the actions of your grandchildren. This will feel terrible because it is in stark contrast to the true you. You will be living as a limited version of yourself and this will never feel good. You can never control them enough to feel good. You must always reach for the higher perspective and find a way to feel good without trying to change them.

Other people will try to control them and they will be saddled with some limiting beliefs of their own. This is quite alright, since these beliefs will allow them to create a trajectory of self-discovery. However, you do not need to add to their list of limiting beliefs. You could be the lone voice of acceptance and love. You could be an example of love, acceptance and alignment, not just for them, but for everyone else. You could understand that this is a very valuable opportunity to adopt a completely different approach to parenting. In love, it will all work out for the highest good of everyone. In fear, you will simply add more fear and the situation will become even more entrenched in fear, shame, lack, anger and suffering. It might not seem like an easy choice at times, but we promise you that love and acceptance are far more effective than anger and fear.

With our love,
We are Joshua