Dear Gary,

I hope you won’t mind me asking you and Joshua something about the question and answer this April.

My daughter sent me a note last night (after a party with her friends) that she still is not comfortable with the feminine side of her and wants to officially change her name now that she is approaching 18 next June. I don’t feel ready to share this with anyone else yet, but I’ve copied it here with you and wonder if Joshua might be able to share some wisdom with me.

with deep love and gratitude,

Hi mum,

I wanted to let you know something that’s kind of important and I was drunk enough to do it without getting nervous.

I’ve been telling you for a while about how I feel about myself and it hasn’t changed. I need you to know that it isn’t going to change, no matter how many encouraging ‘you are so pretty’ or ‘you look like a model’ comments you make. How I feel won’t change by trying to make me more comfortable with some sort of femininity you see in me.

I’ve been trying for the last four or so years to get you to recognize how I feel, in hopes you would be supportive. I have realized that no matter what, I will soon be an adult who is able to make their own decisions in life, with or without their parents approval. Soon I will be able to make any of these decisions on my own and I need to learn to be more independent.

I’ve decided for my 18th birthday, I would like to change my name. Legally. I was really nervous about telling you this, because I know a lot of parents get upset when their children decide to change their name, thinking that it’s some sort of insult. It really isn’t. I do not feel comfortable with my birth name, especially because it is a female name. It does not fit me and I almost never use it.

I’ve been writing down possible names that I can use but I haven’t decided on what name I am completely sure about. I have been using John for a while, but its mostly been because it was close enough to my birth name that it wouldn’t be such a drastic change for you.

I have been wanting to ask your help for a while, but I know this may be a sensitive topic for you. I can respect if you don’t want any part in this process, but I would really love it if you were.

I am going to go through with this by my birthday, so you have until before then to decide if you would like to help me.

I love you

Dear Priya,

Prior to your birth, you set intentions for what you would like to explore in this trip to physical reality. It doesn’t matter what you choose. There is no right or wrong. All explorations are valid. At this time of awakening, humans are moving from living mostly in fear to living mostly in love. They are moving from the approach to life of control to the approach of allowing. Control is the approach of fear and allowing is the approach of love. Resisting what is, is simply a control mechanism. If you give up your need to control, you will be able to allow. Allowing is based in love and is fully supported by the laws of the universe. Resistance is nothing more than fear.

You fear what your child might go through as she changes her identity from female to male. But you are not really worried about her. You are really worried about the negative emotions you think you might feel as she goes through what you perceive as a challenging life. This fear is not rational. It makes no sense if you look at it from the higher perspective. You set your intentions and she set hers. You intended to come to physical reality to express your unconditional love and acceptance. So then, express it. What do you have to lose?

What bad can happen by accepting your child as they will be? Nothing. What wrong can happen if you choose to resist their decisions? Nothing. You can accept them or resit them, all that matters is how you feel. This is something you and your child intended to explore together. You chose this and your side of the exploration. You knew that your interest in the laws of the universe would help you navigate this time. That’s how you came to find us and other teachers. You know more now.

You can embrace your child’s decisions, whatever they may be. You know who you raised and you can also know that there is no point in trying to control anything. You are a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance and so is your child. You can accept him and in doing so, you will maintain your alignment and leverage the forces of the universe to create this expansive period in joy. That will be the greatest gift you could ever offer anyone.

With our love,
We are Joshua