I’m coming back to you with a question concerning my son and our style of parenting. I’m actually not questioning my choice of parenting because for me and my family it seems to work well. Just a brief description of our style: we are very aware that our children have the ability to make their own choices and as such we pretty much function here without rules. My kids are homeschooled and we also take a very laid back approach to learning as well. Our children pretty much learn when they want, what they want, and how they want. People are often surprised that our house functions so well without discipline and that my kids are learning so much despite our approach to parenting and schooling. I feel we have a wonderfully respectful, smooth and loving environment and we all get along well.
My question is that my 15yo son spends a lot of time, most of the time, in his room. He will come out on occasion and does come out with us at times, but it’s rare. He does see a therapist and we’ve had to work on issues of anxiety and he is making noticeable improvements. He is also going to be starting transcendental meditation, which both my husband and I do as well. My husband has been concerned on and off about my son’s staying in his room and worries that he is missing out on so much. I tend to feel that my son is doing exactly what he needs and wants to be doing according to him and that he will be fine.
My son spends a lot of time on the computer and I believe he gets (or will get) inspirations through this way. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and what you might recommend as far as making us feel or do (if anything) that might need doing to nudge him along. Or is he doing just fine and will get his own nudgings from the universe? He seems content overall, but as a parent I guess you always wonder if you are doing the right thing for your kids.
Your son chose you and your husband as his parents, the time and place of his birth, and the conditions of his childhood, the childhood he is experiencing now, because he knew it would launch him on the trajectory toward that which he came here to explore. You can see that it is obvious that he would have so much more difficulty in some other “normal” family. The fact that you have allowed him to be who he is, even though it might seem different, is why he chose you as his parents. Without fear on your part, you would see that how he is choosing to spend his time is perfect for him.
You are raising your children in a manner that you believe is best for them. It happens to be perfectly aligned with the laws of the universe. Forcing children to go to a school, sit in a classroom, and learn about things that are of no interest to them, is done so out of fear. Traditional education is based in fear. People believe that children must learn certain things by certain ages or they will fail in society. This is simply not true whatsoever and defies the laws of the universe as we know them. In a natural world, free from the pressures of your fearful society, children would learn what they needed to learn, when they needed to learn it. That is the very definition of abundance and abundance is a natural aspect of this reality.
Children who are forced to learn things that they have no interest in might encounter difficulty, which promotes self-doubt. They might be labeled as a slow-learner, mentally impaired, develop dyslexia, or even worse, they might be labeled as advanced. If a child discovers an interest and has the desire to learn more about that subject, he or she will receive the inspiration to learn whatever it is they need to learn in order to dive deeper into the subject. If they need to read, they will learn to read faster and more effectively that any teacher could ever teach and they could learn to read completely on their own. It does not matter what age they are, if they are interested in something, they will be guided toward the tools and resources they need to fulfill their interest. Desire sparks learning. We understand that you already know this, but we enjoy taking about this subject because there will be those who read this answer who will see the subject of education from a new perspective.
When you observe something that is occurring in your reality and you perceive it as a problem, it sparks fear. The fear arises because you have chosen a limited perspective. You have chosen to look at a situation in a way that your inner self does not agree with. You look at your son spending so much time in his room and from your limited perspective, you might think that this behavior is anti-social and therefore bad or wrong. He might not be able to integrate into society, find friends, or even a mate. There is no bad or wrong, it is neutral. You cannot know where this will lead and so doubt creeps in.
You feel fear and it drops you into a low emotional state of being. From this state, you attract thoughts, ideas, urges, and compulsions that are a vibrational match to your fear. You perceive the reality not as it really is, but from the perspective of fear and this clouds your judgment. You then conclude that your son should be different than he is. You do this not for him, but for yourself. You do not want him to be different so that he can feel better, you want him to be different so that it can relieve yourself of your fear and you can feel better. Remember, when you feel bad, it is all about you. The illusion that the conditions are wrong is caused by the perspective you choose. It was caused by some irrational fear.
You must not ask him to change, you must deal with your fear. You must become aware that your fear is irrational. You must work it out. Hereʼs how we would look at this situation: “my son chose me as his mother because he knew this would allow him to explore reality as he intended. Obviously, because we are more conscious and aware than most parents and the proof of this is how we choose to raise our kids differently than most, he is a perfect match to our home. We know that everything is always working out for us and for him. We know that he has a guidance system just as we do.
We know that he can trust his guidance system. As long as we do not allow irrational fear to enter our home, we can maintain our positive emotional state and receive inspiration to act for the good of all. He is sifting and sorting and following interests and we know that if he continues along this path, he will discover his passion in life and live in bliss. It is not our job to persuade him to be any different than he is, or to nudge him to some ideal we believe in, but simply to allow him the freedom to explore that which he came here to explore. Our roles as parents is to create an environment of allowing and in that environment everyone will thrive.”
With our love,
We are Joshua