Dear Joshua,

I have an 8 year old grandson. He has always been extremely active, and exceptionally good at all sports. He currently plays soccer, football, and baseball, usually 2 sports going at one time. He is also breezing through school academically, loves learning and from what the teachers tell us is a wonderful student. He seems to have endless energy.

Why I am writing this is he basically lives on plain pasta with butter, occasional pizza (he only likes one kind ) and one particular juice. So pretty much white flour, with the perhaps once a week chicken nuggets from McDonald’s.

One on one he can be a lot of fun, but when there are more of us in the room, he seems to get a bit wild, being loud and just not fun to be around. He typically comes to my home after school, where my daughter and his younger brother spend the afternoon (his Dad works nights, so he can sleep a bit during the day). I’m running my business until about 3pm, so I come home shortly after he comes home from school. I love the fact that I get to see my grandchildren daily, and I also would love to come home to a somewhat peaceful and fun experience.

There tends to be a lot of yelling, trying to get him to eat and be nice. It seems clear that he needs to eat something, but he just doesn’t want to eat, except perhaps Ice cream, but he will agree to the pasta first. I pretty much leave all this up to my daughter, knowing this is her experience with her child, but it ends up in my house. I am amazed at how much he can manage living on so little, I always say he lives on air. Maybe his food intake has nothing to do with his bad attitude after school, and mind you it’s fleeting and not all the time, but enough to be writing this.

I want to have happy experiences with my grandson rather than upheaval. So I’d like to see all this differently. I want to bring out the best in him, because like I say one on one he is fun. He has a great sense of humor, is enthralled with swear words, which we work on curbing (he has a younger brother who is 2 and just learning to talk ). Abraham always says we are a chemical factory and we can manage to get whatever we need from food, and he seems to get something energizing out of what little he eats. If he was a bit more pleasant on his empty stomach this would be fine, but the turmoil seems to be tied to the not eating. I would greatly appreciate your wisdom on this. Thank you so much for doing what you do.

Love, Sue

Dear Sue,

We will start with the premise that everything is right and everything is happening for you, not to you. If you accept this premise, which is a basic fact of the universe, then you can begin to see your grandson’s behavior (as well as the behaviors of all people) as right, not wrong. There is no wrong anywhere in the universe and your grandson and his eating preferences, including his diet, are not wrong either. The only problem here is everyone’s resistance to what is actually happening. Because you, your daughter, and others see it as wrong, you bring up conflict, struggle, and tense conditions. It is not wrong. He is fine.

You chose your parents and the time and place of your birth because you knew it would launch you on a trajectory toward what you came here to explore. Your daughter choose you and your grandson choose your daughter and his father. You also chose your body because you wanted the specific aspects of your body, knowing it would help you live the life you intended to live. Your grandson chose his body as well, along with the sports and academic abilities. He also chose to view food in a unique way. Why? You are living the reason right now. It’s creating desires. It’s launching him on a trajectory. It’s all working out perfectly. He’s thriving. The only issue is the conflict and stress related to something others believe is wrong with him, but nothing is wrong.

You have an inner self. Your inner self is fully aware of you. When you look at something and feel negative emotion, it is guidance from your inner self. You are looking at the subject in a resistant way and are not perceiving it from the higher perspective. Your perspective is limited because you cannot know how this will all unfold. You assume it’s a bad thing, but in all reality, it’s a good thing. One day you will see that, but for now you must have faith.

Imagine that you knew how this would all work out. Imagine that he uses this specific diet to create something wonderful. Imagine that the result of this very specific aspect of his unique body causes him to pursue some passion. What if you knew that now? You would have no resistance around it. There would be no yelling to get him to do something different, because you know what is to come. In fact, you would look on and marvel at how the creation process works.

If you didn’t think it was wrong, you would not have a problem. So then, think of it as right. Think of the yelling as part of the creation process. Think of your daughter’s struggles as part of the process. Look on in wonder as it all unfolds perfectly. There need be no stress, but you cannot create in the lives of others and if your daughter chooses to maintain her resistance, you cannot see that as wrong either. It is all right, every last bit of it.

If your grandson needed to eat differently so that he could be launched on a trajectory toward that which he came here to explore, he would be eating differently. Because he is different than you, you feel fear. The fear is irrational. You can see that he is doing well. Whatever comes as a result of such a specific thing during childhood is meant to be. You can relax in the knowledge that it is for the highest good of the child, his mother, and even you. After all, you got to ask us a question. Without this condition, there would not be this question our our answer, which will surely help others as well.

With all our love,

We are Joshua