Since your answer to my first question regarding custody, my attitude and demeanor have totally changed in the way I deal with my ex. We’ve actually had sane, reasonable, borderline enjoyable conversations. We’ve even shared positive co-parenting moments, which were virtually nonexistent before.
And since our conversations on worthiness, I’ve experience a complete turnaround in that arena as well. Life has been reflecting those positive changes back to me in a lot of ways. I’ve been listening to my inner guidance, doing what feels good, and following inspiration that has taken me outside my comfort zone, all of which has resulted in incredible expansion.
With all that in mind, I had a manifestation event arise this past week that didn’t seem to fit in at all with the way things have been going. In a nut shell, my son was sick when I picked him up from his dad’s, and after a couple days I ended up leaving work to take him into the doctor where they gave him a standard breathing treatment and wrote him a prescription.
I felt I handled it well, giving continuous updates to my ex, we even had conversations about how things were going, and then seemingly out of the blue I received an email accusing me of making medical decisions without him and threatening to have me held in contempt of court if I continued to authorize medical treatments without his permission.
I consider it a sign of progress that, upon reading the email, my reaction was notably softer that it would’ve been a few weeks ago. Instead of thinking “What an asshole! Who does he think he is?”, my thoughts were more along the lines of “Oh, he’s so silly.” But still…I had (and probably still have) a negative charge around the situation.
I’ve been attempting to uncover the limiting beliefs resulting in the feelings of fear, and have yet to find anything that really clicks. So I’ve just been affirming to myself that I am a good mom, that I am safe, that I am the only one with the power to create in my reality, that I attracted this email for a reason.
Are you able to help me become more clear on the reasoning behind this manifestation event? Why/how did this happen when I was “vibing” so high? What purpose does it serve? And what specific limiting belief(s) is it meant to shine a light on?
Thanks to you and Gary for everything you do. You all are excellent teachers and I’m grateful to have attracted you into my reality.
We have several things to say regarding this manifestation event. First of all, we would like to acknowledge our appreciation to you for allowing us to share our perspective. It is indeed our joy to do so and we thank you. We want to say how amazed we are at your wonderful progress in such a short time. We see great potential for you in your ability to adopt our teachings so readily. When you chose a higher perspective to feel good, you aligned yourself with the forces of the universe and who you really are. This has already caused and will continue to cause great improvement in your life experience.
As you chose to see that everything is happening for you and you identified some limiting beliefs and you proved to yourself that they were false, you diminished the intensity of fear and you began to feel better. As you came to understand your worthiness, you diminished the intensity of fear and you increased your capacity for love. By doing this, you increased your vibrational frequency and your world started to shift. It is in the process of moving from one reality to another. But it is a process and it doesn’t happen all at once. You still have some fears to resolve.
In this case of this particular manifestation event, your ex seems unreasonable and the email set you off on an emotional roller coaster. On one hand you felt negative emotion, but you quickly soothed yourself by thinking better-feeling thoughts. On the other hand, you were unable to identify the fear. This certainly is progress, yet it may feel as if you haven’t moved much. In reality you’ve moved to the next step in your evolution.
We might play around here and see if we can’t find an irrational fear or two. Underneath it all you have a fear of losing your child. All mothers do in this situation. It is at the base of all your fears and so when anyone threatens to take custody from you, you rear up in defense. This is perfectly normal, yet not really in your best interests. When you feel negative emotion and you cannot find the fear, think of how your highest self would react in the same situation. You highest self is who you really are without all the fear. It is the truest expression of you. It is who you will be when you return to the nonphysical.
So, if you were being who you really are as the highest version of you, how would you have reacted to this email. You would have been compassionate toward your ex, understanding his fears, seeing the situation from his perspective, understanding that his perspective is the only one he has access to, and realizing that he is simply unable to reach for more empowering words or thoughts from his limited, fear-based position. His emotional state of being prevents him from expressing his love and only allows him to express his fear.
You, as your higher self, would be free from fear. You would not fear losing your son because you know that is not part of your experience in this life. Your path is one of becoming more like the real, highest expression of who you are while living a physical existence. Your purpose is to be a shining example of alignment. Your passion is learning about the laws of the universe, feeling worthy and unique, and using what you have learned to create a wondrous life.
Now, can you react in a similar manner even though you still have your fears? Certainly. Your fears don’t own you, they simply influence you to take a perspective that is unhelpful. You can overcome your fears with focus and practice. Now let’s practice together.
If we were living within you we would craft a response to your ex which would diffuse his insecurities and in doing so we would improve our experience of life. Remember, you cannot change another no matter how hard you try. While you were married, you might have coerced his behavior so that it was occasionally in line with what you wanted, however, at that time you held some bargaining chips. Now you hold no power and so you have no ability to make him change to please you. You must accept him as he is right now. Any attempt to make him change which just increase the tension and conflict.
Knowing that you cannot change him in any way, your only option is to change how you perceive him. Your perception of him has a lot to do with who he is around you. If you can accept him completely, which means that you acknowledge that everything he says and does is right (for him), you will be able to fully control the situation. It all starts with total and absolute acceptance with no resistance to who he is. This is a very important concept.
Just as you learned to accept the conditions and then you saw an improved condition, so must you accept your ex. It is by allowing him to be who he is that you are able to receive all that you really want. By thinking he is wrong you accomplish nothing except the creation of a wrong person in your life. By making him wrong you don’t do anything to affect him, all you do is cause yourself to suffer.
We would write him an email starting with these words: “You’re right.” We would follow up by asking him how he would like you to proceed in the future. You certainly don’t have to follow his request, but at least you’ve acknowledged his fears and helped him to feel better. When he feels better, he will have access to better-feeling thoughts. If you make him feel bad by making him wrong, then all he will have access to is bad-feeling thoughts, ideas, words, and actions, and they will all be directed at you. Make him feel good and you help yourself. Make him feel bad and you make the conditions you do not like continue to get worse. Do you see how this is all up to you? It’s all in your control, you just have to learn how to use the mechanism of physical reality to your advantage. This is inside information.
How you chose to handle your ex is certainly up to you, but now you know that this game is really all about you. The other person doesn’t even matter. They might as well be a character in a film because you are the writer of your script. You can write him in any way you choose. You’re the only one who will ever see this movie. Make a movie you want to watch.
We Are Joshua