I feel like I’m in the midst of a “boomerang” effect post the Abundance workshop, and need some help to get back on track. During the course, I felt as if I was flung into another universe, another way of thinking and being, which, of course, we all were. It felt wonderful and exhilarating, and I loved it. However, yesterday, the boomerang turned and started it’s journey back to me, and everything I was feeling prior to the boot camp came rushing back – the deep depression, the despair in acknowledging that my husband’s deep emotional trauma from childhood has made him emotionally unavailable and unable to have a loving relationship with my daughter or myself, the inability to move towards that which I prefer in selling my house, knowing that I have to take on the responsibility of every detail myself since my husband is not capable of engaging in it, and feeling the crushing burden of it all, which is stopping me in my tracks,
The depression feels so dark that I’m having a problem using all the tools from the boot camp, which surprises me. If I have to summarize it, it feels like an extremely strong resistance to all of it. If feels like something is literally holding me back, preventing me from moving forward, and returning me to my old life and the old approach. I feel like the boomerang that took me on a journey to the leading edge of thought is on it’s journey back, and I don’t want to be back. I don’t like it here. It’s where I was prior to the boot camp and I can’t live this way.
Joshua, I need help with this extreme resistance that has taken such a strong hold of me so I can get back on track. Thank you so much.
With much love and gratitude,
Yes, from your participation in the bootcamp, you were thrust into a new way of thinking, feeling, and operating. In effect, you spent some time seeing yourself and your world from the higher perspective. You felt hope. This is the feeling of relief. You now perceive that you lack the support you need from your husband and so you return to the feeling of despair. The point of the bootcamp is to help you integrate one fact of your existence; you are the creator of your reality.
In that statement lies the truth of your reality. Everything is contained within. You do not need support from anything or anyone else. It all lies within. You have immense power that comes from within. Everything outside of you is simply an illusion cast onto a reality that is projected from within. You are self-contained.
Do you remember the feeling of “If things were different I would feel better?” Do you recall what it means to wish for something to be different than it is? It is asking the mirror to reflect back something to you that does not exist within. In order to feel what you would like to feel, you have to look at the subject differently. You do not want your husband to suddenly be different than he is in order to solve this problem of lack of intimacy and support. You want to cultivate that feeling from within. If your husband was different than he is, he would not be with you, because you would not be a match to him. Therefore, you can only be grateful for the way he is, otherwise he would not be in your reality. The point is that he is this way in order to allow you to take the journey from helplessness to actually being responsible for the creations that are expressed through the alignment of your vibration with what you truly want.
It may appear that you are regressing, but this is just a feeling common to those who take great strides forward. As they stand in their new place and look around, they perceive the past from which they traveled in a new light. You have come so far. You have taken strides forward and now you look back to where you came from and you do not want to go there ever again. So then, you have a choice.
Your choice now is continue your forward movement and keep going on or to stay where you are firmly focused on where you came from. Do you see that now? Certainly, the path forward is not clear and that brings up fear. But the truth is that you can never regress or go backwards. You are always expanding and moving forwards. The inspiration for this question came because you have moved to a new vibrational place.
Yes, it is common for those who have taken great strides to feel a bit out of control in their new place. Yes, it is common for those to fear what’s next. However, you are on firm enough footing where you can take the single step in front of you. You can continue doing the work, processing your limiting beliefs, meditating, regaining alignment, receiving inspiration, and pushing past newer and more intense fears. That is the life before you and it is the life you intended to live.
You look back and see how safely you were playing the game. You stepped out of your comfort zone and took a leap of faith by enrolling in the bootcamp. That leap landed you in a higher plane of existence and so it feel unfamiliar. All you can do now is continue the work and move forward.
Imagine you are a rock climber. You are inspired to challenge the tallest rock and you are ready for it. From the ground, the rock does not appear that tall and so you take the first steps. You plant your fingers in the crevices and you pull yourself up. You are focused on the next crack in the rock right in front of you. In time, you reach a place where you can stand and rest. You look down and see how far you have come. You do not want to fall off the rock and land on the ground. You look up and the rock above you seems impossible to climb. You can’t see where you will place you hands and feet.
The forward path seems impossible. But you can’t go down either. That would mean defeat. And so you regain your composure and you are inspired. Suddenly, you notice a crack in the rock just above you and you place your hand firmly in that crevice. You take a breath and start climbing once again. Soon you are at the top of the rock with a feeling of exhilaration. You moved through your fear and accomplished what you were inspired to do.
Right now, you are simply in the middle of the rock looking down to the ground and looking up to the top. You feel fear. Wait a bit. Catch your breath and soon you’ll be
inspired to see what is right in front of you.
With our love,
We are Joshua