Joshua,

I have an issue around money, finances and anxiety that I seem to be continually hung up on. I’m a husband and father of 3. I’m also self-employed and the amount that I work or don’t work is directly proportionate to the amount of income flowing in. On top of this, the majority of my work is extremely seasonal (Mar-Nov) and I have at least 3 months a year where I’m not making much money. Every year in the past we have made it through the off-season swimmingly but this year – between increasing bills/obligations and FAR, far less off-season work we have all but burned through our savings. This is the first year we may not “make it” to March and also may not have the savings to pay for any extra taxes that I didn’t withhold. It was a financially “rough” winter. As the primary (but in no way sole) breadwinner in the family, I have a constant, nagging anxiety that I need to keep thinking about ways to make money to keep the family ship afloat. True we will start making great money again in March, but we also have a few big obligations to pay for before then and we may well run out of savings by that point.

If I can be so bold, I’m familiar enough that I believe your answer will be something like this:

“You feel yourself lacking and unworthy and that is the message you are sending the universe. Because that is what you are sending out, that’s all you will manifest. If you felt worthy and knew yourself to be abundant, the universe would respond.”

Though I know that intellectually, It doesn’t seem to sink in, transform my anxiety or keep me from waking up at 3am and wondering if I’m doing enough to generate income. My wife says this kind of anxiety is unhealthy.

I know I’m not part of the one-on-one but my wife suggested I send in this question since this is a common topic in our marriage.

Many thanks—-
Trevor

Dear Trevor,

While we applaud you for suggesting your own answer to your question, we do not believe that lack of worthiness is the issue here. Of course, that plays into any vibration where fear exists. For instance, if you saw yourself as completely worthy and perfect as you are, you would not pay attention to any perceived lack. You do not have an issue with worthiness around money and abundance, but more around your attachment to the definition of father, husband and provider. The only thing that really worries you is how you will be perceived by others if you fail in your duty to provide for your family. This worries you because you are attached to this definition of self. However, this definition of self has been fabricated and is actually quite limiting.

Who you are is a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. Since you are limitless, any definition of self is by definition, limiting. Do you see what we mean here? If you are attached to your role as provider, you are using this definition to feel good when you play your role well and you choose to feel bad when it appears your definition may be in jeopardy. If you release your attachment to this definition and understand that you did not come here for the sole purpose of being the provider, but in fact to explore reality in your own unique way, then you will feel less worried when your definition of self appears to be threatened.

You believe that your wife and the rest of your family and friends love you because you play the role of provider so well. You like being seen as a good provider. You use this to feel good. You are allowing the conditions to make you feel good. Of course, it does feel good to be seen as a provider, until it doesn’t and then you allow the conditions to be your excuse to feel bad. You do this because you feel fear. Not the fear of lack of money, but the fear of not living up to your responsibility as provider. Release your attachment to this role and you will feel less fear.

There is a way to feel good even when it seems as if things are not working out. You must remember that you are a being of love and so as such you attract love. That means that everything that pops up in your reality (such as a perceived lack of money) is for you. How is it for you? Because a manifestation event such as this allows you to examine your limiting beliefs. If you want to become a match to your desires, you must reduce the intensity of your limiting beliefs. You have a limiting belief around your definition of provider. The belief is that you will be loved if you are a good provider and not loved if you falter. You can see that this limiting belief does not serve you and is not empowering. If you want to become a vibrational match to your desires, you must prove this belief to be false.

Will those around you think you are good if you provide and bad if not? Is their love conditional in that way? Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but there’s only one way to find out. You must fail at the provider role and see what happens. That’s a bit drastic. You could simply analyze this belief and understand that it is a false belief. Other people’s love for you can never rely on the conditions, otherwise that would be conditional love. Know that whether you provide or not, you are loved. Remember, you do not seek love from others, you only seek to love them. You came here not to be loved, but to express your love unconditionally. You are worthy of love, but you have no control over how or when others will express their love to you. All you can ever do is express your love as unconditionally as possible.

If you play the role of provider perfectly, you may or may not receive love, but you can express your love to them. If you think that they will love you if you play your role, then you will do all of this only to control their love for you. That is the old approach to life and is based in fear. You must come to understand that you control nothing but how you feel. You can know that you will love them no matter what happens and that is enough. If they love you in return, that is wonderful. But if they only love you because you provide them with what they want, well then you get to express your love without needing it to be reciprocated. Realize that you have control over only one thing; how you feel. Feel good and you will receive inspiration to act. Feel worried, anxious or concerned and you cut yourself off from your true power and that power comes by receiving and acting on inspiration. Be a being of love and acceptance, not a being trying to control the flow of love.

With our unconditional love for you,
We are Joshua