Dear Joshua ,

My question today is in regards to my husband. He left his job in 2009 to pursue his own business. It has been a long road of struggle and great financial losses. This past winter he took a seasonal job out West because his business did so badly and he lost a lot of our income.

His business is Day Trading and he has spent many years learning and studying it. The financial losses have been so great but he will not give up. He loves doing it but the stress it puts on the home life is huge. I have always believed in him and see him as a brilliant man. Unfortunately he is not a follower of Law of Attraction. I know he would do so well if he was a leading edge creator like myself. If anything he gets angry when I try to show him or talk about all the teachings of yours or Abraham. He thinks it’s all silly pie in the sky stuff. He doesn’t believe we create our own reality.

I know I cannot create in his reality but as hard as I try to keep my alignment fear rips through me when he’s trading. He does well some weeks and then the next he losses it all. I love him, I support him, I pray for him but I am at a loss as to how to handle all of this. I tell myself everyday that I alone create my own reality but how can I not let his reality affect mine? Especially when he is the bread winner in our home.

Should I just ignore him or see him as a successful trader? I keep myself as happy as I can and give thanks daily. This is the one part of my life that is a huge contrast. He talks self -defeating a lot and I am constantly in my head saying cancel cancel or I leave the room so I am not a part of his negative words. He does not want to work for anyone again and good paying jobs are so scarce here.

With much gratitude

Dear Pamela,

You create your own reality and everyone else creates theirs. However, you can influence the reality of others and they can see you and yearn to be like you. You, too, can be influenced by others and this is the cause of your distress. When you allow the lives and actions of others to affect how you feel, you resist what is wanted in your own life.

You cannot have it both ways. You cannot say that you create your own reality but the influence of others causes you to feel bad. When you feel bad you are creating out of that stance. When you feel love, well-being, appreciation, confidence, trust, and faith, you are creating a reality from that powerful stance. Which would you prefer?

The life your husband leads need not affect your reality. You could choose to see all the positive aspects in this. You could choose to see that he has found his passion (for now) and he must follow where that passion will lead him. You can see that he is intelligent and that this passion is challenging and fun. If not for the money, you would be quite happy with him pursuing this passion. But the money brings up your old and tired fears.

Remember that abundance is your issue, not anyone else’s. If you were able to feel abundance, your husband’s endeavors would not affect you. You create your reality, so why are you worrying about what he or anyone else does? This is up to you. Now we understand that you have lived a very particular and unique life when it comes to the subject of money and we do not expect that you can move from where you are to where you want to be overnight. But, as you realize that abundance is in your hands, that you have total control regardless of the actions, intentions, or beliefs of others, you move one step closer to creating what you want. But first you must take your opinions back into your own control.

Let’s look at what life would be like if your were grounded and accepting of the natural abundance that is your birthright. You would feel free, secure, generous, and pleased with the abundance you have allowed into your life. You would give generously to others when it felt good to do so. You would be able to see that other people had their own ways of dealing with their abundance issues and you would allow them to do so. You would not try to save anyone with your wealth for you would know that they have to work it all out on their own terms. Everyone will expand through lack to abundance in their own way. In fact, they must do so. For you to share your wealth so that they do not have to suffer to find their own way, robs them of what they are here to learn.

So, if you were completely abundant, and your husband was struggling with his own issues around that subject, yet he was involved in something he loved, you would not try to stop him or help him. You would let him figure it out on his own while standing firm in your own truth and be an example of abundance that he could look to and feel inspired by. You might also set some boundaries.

Now as you look at him and realize that he has no affect on your reality unless, by your attention to him you feel fear, you can start to focus on your own feelings of abundance that you are here to work through. It is no accident that you were born into your family and engaged a trajectory that would lead you to where you now stand. It is no random chance of fate that you find yourself with this man who has this particular passion. It is not for the others in your life to save you from your feelings of insecurity or to act in a way that helps you feel more secure. If they were to do that, they would rob you of the experience you need to move through this issue.

Everything is right and everyone is right. Everything is happening to help you move to a new level. You are starting to learn about the mechanism of physical reality and thus you have a tremendous edge. Use what you know and start looking at life from the higher perception. There is nothing serious going on here. You have everything you need. You think you would feel more secure if things were different but that’s not how this game works. You must find a way to feel secure, to feel hopeful, to feel ease, to feel good and then you will see examples of these feelings appear in your reality.

You must change your approach to life and then your life will change. It does not work the other way around. Your reality will not shift so that you may feel better. You must feel better first, then notice how your world changes to align with your improved feelings.

Love your husband unconditionally for he is living his life as best he can. Love the conditions you find yourself in because they are here to help bring you to the next level. You have nothing to lose and with your focus of attention squarely on what is wanted, what is appreciated, you’ll see improvement. But if you continue to worry, complain, and focus on what you perceive as wrong, you’ll just attract more of that.

You are doing wonderfully. Do not try to change other people, simply alter your perspective and see that everything is always working out for you.

You are love.