Thank you for your answers to my last email, I have been practicing being more allowing, not resisting, and feeling ultra worthy!!
The past couple weeks have been testing for Justin & I despite my constant efforts and over the weekend, we had a huge huge fight, which allowed me to see parts of myself that I know not are me.
I realised that I allow Justin to determine who I am. I am always swayed by him, and I realised that he manipulates/controls me, to the point that I become something I am not. I realised I had huge fears surrounding rejection/abandonment and also betrayal, these things all triggered me into the fear state and I lost control of myself.
I felt that Justin was pushing me, pushing me, pushing me till I finally broke… and he saw a very ugly dark side of me. Following this, his ex partner tracked down my ex partner and feared him into believing that his children are somehow unsafe in our presence and tried to manipulate our relationship further.
Justin pushed me away, and asked me to never contact him again (this is a regular occurrence when we argue..) and I finally came to terms with the fact that perhaps my lessons have been learned and that it is indeed time to walk away….
I also sent an email to his ex, letting her know that I am backing down as I cannot take her incessant efforts to destroy us, and how this ultimately impacts her own children and that I cannot allow this to carry on any longer, as I care for their wellbeing. I was sure this was the end.
Below is an excerpt from an email I sent my parents:
The main feeling I have is “relief”. I felt the weight of the world and now I feel free once again. I feel that though this door has closed, and sad as it is as I did once want a future with Justin, I now have an infinite amount of doors and I can choose to open any of them. I am once again in control of my own life, I am not controlled by him or his ex or his children any more. I am back, this is how I feel.
I feel that now I have been through this, there are many lessons to ponder and practice. I don’t feel dark or unsafe, as I usually would feel in this situation.
I felt at the beginning of the relationship that Justin really gave me a sense of “safety” and helped me to feel secure, stable and grounded. He helped me to let go of many fears, some still remain, but he helped me to see them clearly. I see now with his presence out of my life, that I created this myself – he didn’t give anything to me, apart from assisting with me accessing these feelings, so ultimately I am grateful.
I don’t feel I have “lost” anything, for I know we are all spiritual beings and eternally connected – Justin just came into my reality at the perfect time, for me to feel worthy, to feel safe, and to teach me and show me the dark sides of me that still exist within that I must continue to work on. I am grateful for all that he has taught me in his role he has played thus far; to not be manipulated or determined by others (like I have done all my life) and to be True to mySelf. To know mySelf, and to know my self-worth. That I am worthy, whether he gives me love or not – for I love myself fully, and accept all my flaws and understand, sympathise, and empathise with my ego, and my human qualities that so often try to bring me down still. And to be okay with it all, for this is our human experience!
He helped me to see that I still struggle hugely with fears of abandonment/rejection, he helped me to see that I fear betrayal. He also helped me to see that I am able to be an Oak in the midst of the storms that batter me, that I have let go of self-destruction, that I have let go of jealousy and envy, and let go of material things and money also and he taught me what Unconditional Love is; for I do still love him dearly in my heart, despite all his flaws. We are all in our human bodies, and some of us never realise the God within us.
We cannot awaken others, we cannot help or fix others, we must only only work on ourSelves. This, is how we create!
I also see that at the beginning of this relationship, I entered with all my wisdom and happiness. and now at the end, nothing has changed for me, apart from all that I have gained through this experience, I still have everything that ultimately makes me happy. I still have the tools, I am still blessed and abundant, I still have my beautiful children, my yoga, meditation, and I still know who I am. The only thing lacking now without his presence is money.
So after the last few nights sleeping very well but dreaming of our once family unit of 6, I awoke this morning feeling good. I then received a call from Justin. First he wanted to let me know progress with solicitors/his ex, and how the children missed me so much that they have been miserable and sad and angry with their mother for driving me away, that he has been struggling without my presence, that he loves me and cares for me no matter what, that he doesn’t want me to be alone over Xmas, and will I take the children out tomorrow, and then furthermore that he truly feels we are soul mates and that he doesn’t want me “back” as he never felt we are apart, that he wishes he could make everything right, that whatever happens please lets spend Xmas together, etc. etc.
I feel I am out of answers. I don’t know what is right anymore. I do love him and I truly believe also he is my soul mate, and that we are just mirrors of each other, and we came here to help each other out….
But I don’t know if I can justify anymore, the turmoil our relationship causes to the children, purely because the distaste the ex has toward me. She is going to unbelievable lengths to destroy her own children’s lives. I don’t know if this is really right anymore?
I don’t know if this is what I want? To be controlled and manipulated by her again and again, for my life to be taken over by their drama. I know I am at peace within myself, I know I can be happy alone and that I will never lose anything, but being an empath and super sensitive, all this drama and fight just ultimately sucks my energy and brings me away from all that I love and live for; PEACE
I appreciate your help as always x
Prior to your birth, you set your intentions for what you would like to explore in this incarnation as Tistrya. The bulk of these intentions was to experience joy, peace, love, freedom and abundance. There were one or more specific aspects of physical reality you also intended to explore. This is the idea of worthiness and unconditional love. In the perceived lack of worthiness, you seek to be told you are worthy by other people. However, since you do not feel worthy of being loved unconditionally, you attract those who make you feel even more unworthy. Since you have raised your opinion of yourself and have come to see yourself as more worthy of love, you are moving away from those who make you feel unworthy.
When Justin tells you he loves you, you feel worthy of love. Since you agree with your inner self’s perspective in these times, it feels good. You must remember that you are highly sensitive and you choose this for yourself. You wanted to be highly sensitive and you also wanted to explore the idea of worthiness. In your feelings of unworthiness, you attract someone who makes you feel worthy. But since you are placing your trust in the person (rather than in yourself) you rely on that person to keep you feeling good. You might even become attached to the person due to the illusion of the power that they hold over you. Let us explain this in more detail.
If you are with Justin (or anyone) and they say something nice to you or do something you like, you react to this by adopting a positive perspective and in doing this you come into agreement with your inner self. It’s not the person who made you feel good. You did that on your own the moment your perspective came into alignment with your inner self’s perspective. If someone compliments you as a good yoga teacher, it makes you feel good. You feel good not because the person actually said anything, but because you choose to take their compliment as a indication that you are worthy and this is the same perspective your inner self has. Conversely, if they criticized your yoga teachings in some way, you would feel bad. It’s not because they said something that actually had the power to make you feel bad. You create your own reality. You felt fear when they criticized you and the fear was triggered by the belief that you are not worthy or good.
The limiting belief around worthiness gets triggered and causes you to adopt a very limited perspective. This perspective does not match your inner self’s perspective (because your inner self knows that you are worthy) and so it sends you a message letting you know you are off track. The message is a negative feeling.
Now, if you are confident in your yoga and this person says something negative, you do not choose a perspective that is very limited, because you have confidence and you believe you are worthy and a good teacher. The negative emotion is mild. You might have a slight fear, but it is not too intense because you understand your worthiness in the area of yoga. Since you are not that attached to how this person thinks of you and they hold little power over you, then it’s easy for you to dismiss it and regain your alignment. It’s a very different story around the subject of love.
You gave Justin all of the power to control how you feel. If he is nice, you feel good. If he expresses his love, you feel good. This is because you choose to perceive it as the validation of your worthiness and this perspective matches your inner self’s perspective because your inner self knows you are worthy. Your inner self sends you a message in the form of a good feeling. This good feeling is now controlled by Justin, because you rely on him for the perspective you are going to choose. You have not taken control of your own perspective. You can replace Justin with literally everyone else in your life. Your habit is to rely on other people to make you feel good or bad. You have not taken control over your perspective. You leave it up to them. This is the old approach to life and as you can see, it does not and cannot work in an attractive universe.
If Justin withholds his love, you choose a limited perspective. You choose to believe that you are not worthy of his love. In doing this, you take a perspective that your inner self will never take. Since you are attached to Justin’s response to you, you feel intense negative emotion. This is the reason behind your inability to control yourself. When feeling negative emotion, you are literally flooded with urges to change the conditions and if you act on the urges, you will always, always do things and say things that are not in your best interest. Since Justin is also exploring unworthiness, the same is true for him. He has given away his control over how he feels to you. In doing this, he must manipulate you or leave. These are the only choices available to him. You however, have another choice and you are becoming a vibrational match to that choice.
It does not matter if it’s Justin in your life or anyone else you attract from a feeling of unworthiness. If you rely on the other person to make you feel worthy, you will always feel even more unworthy. This pattern might have been repeated in past relationships and if you continue to allow others to control how you feel about yourself, it will continue in the future. Justin was attracted from a very low emotional state of unworthiness. He resonates with the lowest level of worthiness you have experienced and you resonate with his belief that he is not worthy of love. This often happens after a previous relationship has ended when those involved are unaware of their levels of worthiness. They tend to feel even more unworthy and attract new partners who help manifest these feelings.
You will never feel worthy if you continue this relationship with Justin. He will never feel worthy either. This relationship is based in fear and unworthiness. While it might have made you see yourself from another perspective, and possibly you learned something, the only thing that it points out is how well the Law of Attraction works. Unworthiness attracts unworthiness. You are eternally linked, that is true, but this relationship is not a match to the worthy version of you. When you start to feel worthy of another man’s love on your own, and you expect to be treated as the magnificent and worthy being of love that you are, you will attract someone who will satisfy you so much more that you can’t even imagine from where you are now. The feeling you consider to be love is simply the feeling of matching your inner self’s perspective in the slightest, tiniest degree of alignment. When your perspective truly matches your inner self’s perspective, because you have come to know your own worthiness independent of all others’ expression of love for you, you will feel it more intensely that you could even glimpse from where you now stand.
It is time to take how you feel into your own hands. Regain your power by taking the mechanism of control away from all other people and placing it into your own heart. It is not beneficial to ever consider another person’s opinion of you. It is only relevant in terms of who you believe you are. You are magnificent and you are deserving of true love. That love does not come from a soul mate. The mate comes from your own love of self. Take this time now to move away from all relationships and go inside. Discover your own inherent worthiness and when you have come to a place where you are confident in that worthiness, you will naturally attract another person who resonates with this new and higher version of yourself. Maintaining this relationship based in fear will only delay the manifestation of your true desires. You have explored unworthiness enough. Now it is time to go in a new direction.
With our Love,
We are Joshua
If I keep vibrating a certain quality or feeling and it keeps appearing through mates that are like my father, same qualities etc.. Is it possible it is my father who keeps coming back through these mates? Can those who have croaked come back over and over again?
I understand you either attract people because you feel that way or you Definitely don’t want anyone like that in your world The later resonates with me.
You have asked a question that will help many, many people and we want to address the entirety of your question as well as the individual parts. First, you wonder if you are attracting people like your father because your father is coming back to this reality in another incarnation. While he may come back if he wishes to do so and he may even interact with you in some regard, he has not come back in that way and would not do so. This would be too confusing for you and he is aware of that.
We will start by saying that everyone you know or have known in this physical reality you also know in the nonphysical. You interact there and here. You make plans for there and here. You love and adore each other in the nonphysical and you come together in this reality to explore various aspects of your relationship just for the fun of doing so. At times you may not think it’s fun here, but you will definitely have a laugh about it from your nonphysical perspective.
You are not attracting your father as a mate but you see certain aspects of your father in the mates you choose. Let’s see if we can bring that into clarity for you. Imagine the personality of your father and how that personality carried forth into the nonphysical after his transition. In physical form he was love, appreciation, tender, hard working, supportive of his family, caring, and many other wonderful qualities and these are the aspects of his personality that he carried with him to the nonphysical. In his physical body he also carried some traits that were in the form of human baggage. He might have been insecure, fearful or worried. He might have been defensive or overly protective. He might have been angry or disappointed. These traits did not follow him into the nonphysical.
So when you are thinking that your mate has some qualities of your father are you thinking of the loving aspects or the fearful aspects? You get to choose. There is only one person in this world you need to love. It is not a mate or a parent, it is you. You must learn to love yourself and from that standpoint of self-love and selfappreciation, you will attract one who sees in you what you see in yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract someone who sees what you see. If you are insecure about your love for yourself, you will find someone who is insecure in your love for them. Until you change how you feel about yourself, you cannot attract anyone, friends or lovers, who see you for more than you see yourself. Love yourself first. Really own it and mean it. Do not love yourself in order to get someone who will also love you, love yourself regardless of what happens.
So how does one come to love themselves. It is simply a matter of realization that who you are is perfect in this moment. We see your perfection and you must come, over time, to see it as well. You are perfect whether you think you are or not. We use the term “perfect” rather than good or worthy because we want there to be no levels in this meaning. When we say worthy or good you can compare yourself to another and believe yourself to be more or less worthy or good than another. In this case you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. All others are perfect just where they are as well. There is nothing you can do to become better for you are perfect as you are.
You can’t be better and then start to love yourself. You can’t be more beautiful, successful, confident, smarter, more spiritually evolved and then love yourself. You must love yourself unconditionally now, as you are and the side effect will be those other things.
Don’t ever compare yourself to others, only compare you to you. Look at who you are now and see the progress from who you were. See your own evolution and see how< much you’ve grown. The you that you are now is ready for you to love yourself. Until you do, no relationship can manifest in the way you want it to.
Are you starting to understand how this all works? Can you see that the mates you attracted were not like your father; they were like you. They loved you in the exact way you loved yourself. They treated you how you treated yourself. They will always think of you in the exact way you think of yourself. They will always, always be a reflection of who you are being.
Your true desire is to be who you really are. Once you do that, you will attract a mate who sees the best in you. They will love you unconditionally because you love yourself unconditionally. It will not be possible for them to love you in any other way. However, if you continue to love yourself conditionally, it will not be possible for a new mate to love you any other way. Your mates will always be a mirror to who you are being. This is the law of the universe and it cannot be any other way.
Fortunately for you, you understand the mechanism of physical reality better than almost anyone you know. You understand more about this stuff than 99% of humanity. You have the tools and the desire to create your own reality. But it’s an inside job. Meditate, appreciate, and learn to love yourself unconditionally. Don’t dream about the mate, don’t hold on to a picture of what a happy relationship looks like. Forget all that stuff. Work on how you feel about yourself and everything will come from there.
It is simple to imagine and become who you really are. You accomplish it in stages.
Stage One: Understand that who you really are is who you would be in the nonphysical. Just as the personality of your father left behind the fearful aspects of his nature when he transitioned to the nonphysical, you must look at those aspects of your personality that you will leave behind when you make your transition. Any though or behavior that stems from love will be carried forth to the nonphysical and any thought or behavior that stems from fear will be left behind.
Stage Two: Act like the highest version of yourself now. Do not fear, only love. Do not protect yourself for that is a stance of fear. You cannot be harmed by words so stop living life by any other standards than your own.
Stage Three: Go inside. Spend time meditating. Communicate with your inner self. Speak to your guides. Imagine yourself as perfect, strong and courageous.
Step Four: Look for signs of growth and development. When something happens that you don’t like, look at it and see the message, the lesson, the new understanding that comes from it and appreciate it. We’re talking about all events, large and small. If someone honks their horn at you or gives you a rude comment, don’t react in the old ways. Look for the message!
Step Five: Focus on the aspects of your life that are going well.
Step Six: Compare the now you to the old you and see how far you’ve come. Never compare yourself, or your situation to another; compare you to you.
Step Seven: Believe, believe, believe. Believe that all things are coming to you because they are meant to come in order for you to expand. Believe that everything that comes to you is right and is part of the journey and the process. Believe in the power of your mind and your abilities. You are more powerful than you know. You are doing better than you think. Come to terms with the you that is and love every aspect that is you now in this moment and in the next and the next.
You are loved more than you can imagine. You are never alone. We see your amazing perfection. It’s time for you to see what we see.