Dear Gary,

I have another question for Joshua:

Since I wrote to you last week – things have been better. I have put in to practice my non attachments, allowing, and practising feeling worthy. Whenever I can, I tell myself “I am worthy” and really try to embody that feeling and as I do I instantly feel better. Raising my vibration. I guess as a result of my positive feeling and positive thinking (and avoiding bad thoughts) has gained Justin & I some joy this past week. Mia, his daughter, finally expressed to the mother that she was going to see her father, and came over for the whole weekend. In these moments – we felt like it did all happen for a reason, we understood – hindsight is a beautiful thing. We felt as though all the ins and outs of what has happened until this point didn’t really matter – we are here now, and things are better. On Monday as he took Mia back to school, he also saw Jensen who also expressed his wishes to come and see him on Wednesday. All seemed well.

Justin invited myself & my two over to stay last night. He said that he was meeting friends for dinner but would be home early (8pm) and that he & I could spend time together as my two would be in bed already. He had returned me my key to his house – so we went there straight after school. He then called me at 6pm, saying he had just left work and might be a little later than expected due to traffic etc. I allowed and didn’t question, although I did express to him how I feel we never have enough time to communicate as we always have children around or work or whatever etc. etc. I ended the phone call. He then sent me a tex saying “I love you, I am proud of you – just saying xx”


I then awoke to him coming in at 11pm. I looked up at the clock and made the comment in my sleep like state “You’re early!” I had expressed to him the day before, that I always felt lonely in his house when he wasn’t around. I never feel lonely on my own – and I expressed that I didn’t see the point of me staying at his when I wouldn’t even see him. Despite this – he chose to stay out – (bearing in mind my 4.30am wake up – 9/10pm is latest I stay up to most days as does he).

My comment was sarcastic and yes, it was uncalled for. He reacted. He argued that he’s been home the past hour was in the other room so as not to wake me. I said why wouldn’t you wake me? I Want to see you! that’s what I’m here. Why would he not come in and give me kiss or a cuddle? He got in bed and I could feel his energy – boiling. He pushed me away and wouldn’t allow me near him. He wouldn’t touch me. I felt and knew something was up. Other than me – something had happened.

So I enquired further, “What’s the matter darling? What’s going on? Why are you upset? The abuse began – how dare I question him, how I am a liar, a cheat, a whore – that I have psychological issues, that my friends were right about what they say about me – that I am selfish and have issues and that I am cunning and am a snake and that I hide all these very well. That I only care for myself, that I want his children away from me, that his ex was right about me, no wonder my ex used to beat me up – no wonder my other ex slept with other girls – you are this you are that.

It blew up. I broke down. I couldn’t understand what I had done. I couldn’t understand why he was saying these thing to me – hurting me – being so unkind. Only two/three hours prior he was saying how proud of me he was and how he loved me so. I broke down, and I became desperate for an explanation – he got worse – he said that I should leave right now, leave his key and get out of his house – take my children with me or he will call the police to remove me. He went and woke my children – several times – he raised his voice in the hall where they could hear as I wailed in tears of confusion and disbelief of his behaviour and words .

It suddenly clicked. It wasn’t me. It was him – there was something going on…and the two words I said “You’re early” was enough to set him off. I stopped taking the words to heart and attempted to go back to bed and sleep “inhale exhale inhale exhale” I closed my eyes and repeated.

He came in and pulled the covers off me- turned the lights on, opened all the doors/ windows to allow the cold in and told me I need to leave now – I am disgusting, he does not want me near him, my poor children that I drag through all of this shit etc etc etc. I held my ground. I found my peace & calm. I agreed with him “yes I am a lying cheating whore, yes I am selfish, yes darling I don’t give a fuck about my children – yes Justin whatever you say” He eventually got bored of my non reaction and went to bed in Jensen’s bed and left me in peace.

I awoke this morning very early after not much sleep in a pool of sweat. My body is telling me something. I did my morning rituals and in the relaxation (savasana) I cut my cords with him. I envisaged threads connecting us and cutting all of them. The abuse last night was too much. I cannot allow any more. I have self respect – I cannot be treated that way – I do not deserve to be treated this way. I do not deserve a man who comes home and lashes out at me – I will no longer take it. I cannot. For my children sake if not my own. We left his house before he awoke.

Today was ok – I felt neither up nor down. iI saw his mother who is always very understanding of me and helpful and she said she worries that he is so programmed that he cannot change, that she worries that he is two personalities – the most wonderful man on earth, and the most terrible. She comforted me and encouraged me to be strong.

I felt neither good nor bad. I felt basically nothing. I know that something has happened – such as the ex has been in touch and denied his children again due to me. etc. Something in the background that has nothing to do with me, but he feels the need to push me away as he feels I am the root of all his problems. Or perhaps its just that I am the only one he is able to blame and treat like this – after all he cannot lash out at his ex. She is evil and manipulative and manages still to control him and his emotions using the children as her pawns to ignite the fear within him. She controls him. But he also allows her. He is ultimately weak. Perhaps my strength frightens him. Perhaps he sees the same manipulativeness and controlling behaviour in me – whatever it is, to my knowledge all I do is give & love.

I cannot comprehend, how I created this.

I cannot comprehend how the way he treated me & my children last night was “right”.

I am confused and distraught.

I, however, still have my strength. I have promised that I cannot allow him back in without an apology and a plan of action to change. He needs help – he needs therapy, we all have issues and layers that need to be unveiled. He needs support. But I cannot be that support for him anymore – I cannot allow myself to be treated this way.

I await your wisdom.
With love,

Dear Tistrya,

There is nothing Justin needs. He is perfect as he is. He is exploring reality in his own way. He is on a journey of self-discovery just as you are. He is feeling fear and reacting to the fear by acting on urges to change the conditions. Since you bring up fear for him (in many different ways), he acts on urges to control you and to make you wrong. If he did not make you wrong, he would have to accept himself as wrong and that’s something he is not prepared to do. His ego is defending his persona and this is quite normal for him. This is how he was taught to react to fear. It’s common in your society.

The fact is that you emit a vibration based on who you think you are, what you feel, what you desire and fear, and what you believe. You have a set of expectations. You will tolerate certain behaviors because you are comfortable with them and there are other behaviors that you will not accept. Alter your vibration by altering your beliefs about who you are and what you deserve and these conditions will change.

If you could control the conditions, you would have Justin be at his best, you would have his children love and adore you, and you would expel the ex-wife to the nonphysical. However, if you could do that, then physical reality could not exist, because you and everyone else would be obliterating everything they did not like. Within a few weeks, everything would be gone. The idea here is that you need not control the conditions. You control the conditions not through action or words. You control them through the vibrational signal you are offering. You control your vibration through your opinion of yourself. Alter that opinion by understanding the true magnificence that is you and your reality will shift dramatically.

You believe on some level that you are unworthy of better treatment by Justin or any other man. On some level, you accept his outbursts and anger. You wish he was different because when times are good, he makes you feel good. Do you see what you are creating? You believe that he is responsible for how you feel when you feel good. That is not true. When he is loving toward you, you feel alignment because you feel worthy of his love. But since you do not feel fully worthy as you are, with or without his love, the universe points out the other side; unworthiness. It has nothing at all to do with Justin, it has to do only with your opinion of yourself as a person.

Would a princess put up with Justin’s behavior? Not for a second. Would a princess feel worthy just because Justin showed her some affection? No. The princess feels worthy anyway. It matters not whether a man shows her love and affection. That is not an indication that she is worthy. You are worthy and good and the conditions can never prove that to you. Unless you come to understand just how magnificent you are, you will always seek feelings of worthiness in others. When you feel worthy, it feels good because that is alignment. You are seeing yourself as your inner self sees you. You are choosing the perspective that your inner self has on who you are as a person. However, the belief that Justin makes you feel worthy is false. You choose to allow yourself to feel worthy because you’re in the arms of a man. You believe that if he loves you, then that means you are worthy of love. However, if he treats you poorly, then that is proof that you are not worthy of love. You are attaching your worth as a human to a man who exists outside of you. The reason you attracted Justin has to do with your feelings or worthiness. He agrees to treat you exactly the way you feel about yourself.

Now you can know for sure that your worthiness cannot be found in a man or in anything outside of you. If you seek validation in another person, then you give up your power and you give it away to the other person. They will be responsible for how you feel. If they are loving, then you will feel good. If they are horrible, then you will feel bad. Until you take control of your own worthiness, you will always manifest relationships with men who seek to take your power from you. You will always attract men who believe their own worthiness is proven by your love for them. If you withhold your love or ask them to be different then they are, you will receive their wrath. If you say the wrong thing, fear will overcome them and they will react by doing or saying things to make you wrong.

You must detach yourself from this relationship and from all other relationships where you have given away your power. You’ve attracted these people based on your feelings of unworthiness and they have attracted you as well. You are a match to their levels of unworthiness and they are a match to you. You must find our own feelings of worthiness inside yourself and completely release your need to plug into other people for the feeling of worthiness, or any other feeling. All these good feelings must come from within. Feel them first and then attract through the feeling of complete worthiness. Until you learn to do that, you will always attract those who will take your power.

You cannot change Justin. You cannot change anyone. This is simply an urge derived from the fear of loss. As soon as you start feeling worthy and seeing yourself as more magnificent, he will leave. He will not be a match to a more worthy version of Tistrya. This is your journey. This subject is what you came to explore. You must now go off on a new path and do whatever it takes to feel your own inner worthiness before you attract anyone else into your life. If you need help with this, we are always here for you. You are more magnificent than you can imagine. Your worth is absolute. You are a powerful creator and you are supported by millions of guides and well-wishers. You are loved more than you can imagine by more than you could ever count. They know just how worthy and wonderful you are. Now it is time for you to find this within yourself.

With our love,
We are Joshua

Dear Joshua,

If I keep vibrating a certain quality or feeling and it keeps appearing through mates that are like my father, same qualities etc.. Is it possible it is my father who keeps coming back through these mates? Can those who have croaked come back over and over again?

I understand you either attract people because you feel that way or you Definitely don’t want anyone like that in your world The later resonates with me.


Dear Trisha,

You have asked a question that will help many, many people and we want to address the entirety of your question as well as the individual parts. First, you wonder if you are attracting people like your father because your father is coming back to this reality in another incarnation. While he may come back if he wishes to do so and he may even interact with you in some regard, he has not come back in that way and would not do so. This would be too confusing for you and he is aware of that.

We will start by saying that everyone you know or have known in this physical reality you also know in the nonphysical. You interact there and here. You make plans for there and here. You love and adore each other in the nonphysical and you come together in this reality to explore various aspects of your relationship just for the fun of doing so. At times you may not think it’s fun here, but you will definitely have a laugh about it from your nonphysical perspective.

You are not attracting your father as a mate but you see certain aspects of your father in the mates you choose. Let’s see if we can bring that into clarity for you. Imagine the personality of your father and how that personality carried forth into the nonphysical after his transition. In physical form he was love, appreciation, tender, hard working, supportive of his family, caring, and many other wonderful qualities and these are the aspects of his personality that he carried with him to the nonphysical. In his physical body he also carried some traits that were in the form of human baggage. He might have been insecure, fearful or worried. He might have been defensive or overly protective. He might have been angry or disappointed. These traits did not follow him into the nonphysical.

So when you are thinking that your mate has some qualities of your father are you thinking of the loving aspects or the fearful aspects? You get to choose. There is only one person in this world you need to love. It is not a mate or a parent, it is you. You must learn to love yourself and from that standpoint of self-love and selfappreciation, you will attract one who sees in you what you see in yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract someone who sees what you see. If you are insecure about your love for yourself, you will find someone who is insecure in your love for them. Until you change how you feel about yourself, you cannot attract anyone, friends or lovers, who see you for more than you see yourself. Love yourself first. Really own it and mean it. Do not love yourself in order to get someone who will also love you, love yourself regardless of what happens.

So how does one come to love themselves. It is simply a matter of realization that who you are is perfect in this moment. We see your perfection and you must come, over time, to see it as well. You are perfect whether you think you are or not. We use the term “perfect” rather than good or worthy because we want there to be no levels in this meaning. When we say worthy or good you can compare yourself to another and believe yourself to be more or less worthy or good than another. In this case you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. All others are perfect just where they are as well. There is nothing you can do to become better for you are perfect as you are.

You can’t be better and then start to love yourself. You can’t be more beautiful, successful, confident, smarter, more spiritually evolved and then love yourself. You must love yourself unconditionally now, as you are and the side effect will be those other things.

Don’t ever compare yourself to others, only compare you to you. Look at who you are now and see the progress from who you were. See your own evolution and see how< much you’ve grown. The you that you are now is ready for you to love yourself. Until you do, no relationship can manifest in the way you want it to.

Are you starting to understand how this all works? Can you see that the mates you attracted were not like your father; they were like you. They loved you in the exact way you loved yourself. They treated you how you treated yourself. They will always think of you in the exact way you think of yourself. They will always, always be a reflection of who you are being.

Your true desire is to be who you really are. Once you do that, you will attract a mate who sees the best in you. They will love you unconditionally because you love yourself unconditionally. It will not be possible for them to love you in any other way. However, if you continue to love yourself conditionally, it will not be possible for a new mate to love you any other way. Your mates will always be a mirror to who you are being. This is the law of the universe and it cannot be any other way.

Fortunately for you, you understand the mechanism of physical reality better than almost anyone you know. You understand more about this stuff than 99% of humanity. You have the tools and the desire to create your own reality. But it’s an inside job. Meditate, appreciate, and learn to love yourself unconditionally. Don’t dream about the mate, don’t hold on to a picture of what a happy relationship looks like. Forget all that stuff. Work on how you feel about yourself and everything will come from there.

It is simple to imagine and become who you really are. You accomplish it in stages.

Stage One: Understand that who you really are is who you would be in the nonphysical. Just as the personality of your father left behind the fearful aspects of his nature when he transitioned to the nonphysical, you must look at those aspects of your personality that you will leave behind when you make your transition. Any though or behavior that stems from love will be carried forth to the nonphysical and any thought or behavior that stems from fear will be left behind.

Stage Two: Act like the highest version of yourself now. Do not fear, only love. Do not protect yourself for that is a stance of fear. You cannot be harmed by words so stop living life by any other standards than your own.

Stage Three: Go inside. Spend time meditating. Communicate with your inner self. Speak to your guides. Imagine yourself as perfect, strong and courageous.

Step Four: Look for signs of growth and development. When something happens that you don’t like, look at it and see the message, the lesson, the new understanding that comes from it and appreciate it. We’re talking about all events, large and small. If someone honks their horn at you or gives you a rude comment, don’t react in the old ways. Look for the message!

Step Five: Focus on the aspects of your life that are going well.

Step Six: Compare the now you to the old you and see how far you’ve come. Never compare yourself, or your situation to another; compare you to you.

Step Seven: Believe, believe, believe. Believe that all things are coming to you because they are meant to come in order for you to expand. Believe that everything that comes to you is right and is part of the journey and the process. Believe in the power of your mind and your abilities. You are more powerful than you know. You are doing better than you think. Come to terms with the you that is and love every aspect that is you now in this moment and in the next and the next.

You are loved more than you can imagine. You are never alone. We see your amazing perfection. It’s time for you to see what we see.