Dear Joshua,

Justin & I have been in this relationship for the past 6 months but actually met 12 years ago, when we were both not ready for the connection we feel now, and circumstances have brought us back together, I feel at the perfect time. Justin is separated and has had 50% of time with his children, his ex-partner is testing and her only goal seems to be the destruction of him, despite Jensen & Mia’s sufferings. She is at times I feel an evil force and will not stop at any cost. Her sole intension is the removal of me from his life. Over the years she has befriended me, depicting Justin as a monster and abusive to her & children..at the time Justin & I were not in touch – but I couldn’t seem to piece together what she was leading me to believe but she did make me to feel sorry for her. I only remembered Justin to be a perfectly lovely gentleman who was kind and so nice, but at the time for me too nice, as I felt unworthy.

My relationship with my ex-partner is civil and we respect the children’s best interests and always put aside any differences from the past – and work together for the children. Our children seem, despite coming from a “broken” home, to be thriving and are stable within the life we have created for them. I have the children in Sussex Monday-Friday and he has them in London every weekend. He is a Michelin starred chef with his own restaurant, and needs me to support the children fully during the week. I take care of the children but am lucky to have break every weekend, I am a student of Yoga and teach privately when time allows.

Over the past six months, Justin & I have found Love and have been pursuing and fighting through all the hurdles that keep being put in our paths. His ex is bitter, and jealous of me and how she (as we were previously friends for a period) knows that I am a good person and have good intensions and perhaps this angers her, who knows? Or perhaps she is insecure, that the children will prefer to be with us. Her fears of loss, make her a force to be reckoned with. She is evil and has brainwashed the children against us. They now no longer have contact with Justin, it has been a month. She claims the children do not like me and Justin and how we always “argue” and how now they feel that Justin only cares for me and my children, Aidan & Scarlet. She has removed them from our lives, entirely contacting authorities and claiming to apply for a court hearing of how she will now seek for sole custody.

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The past six months have been testing for Justin & I. I suffer from depression and he cannot control his anger at times. All the things she throws at us, stress him out so much and upset him so much, he then takes it out on me and then I though patient I have been – end up in a hole. We love each other deeply – we feel a true deep spiritual connection that I feel very strongly. I am very sensitive and am very in touch with my body. I am an empath and have lived most of my life up until I found Yoga trying to be everything for everyone – a people pleaser, and never really knew who I was. or what I wanted in life. Yoga has been my healing journey and I continue to heal everyday. I have therapy, I take Victoria’s homeopathic remedies, I practice and meditate almost every day – I live a very wholesome and abundant life, especially now with the man of my dreams who loves and supports me and our collective four children, that I wholly believe are our teachers. Through Yoga, I am finding myself and also helping Justin with his past issues and support him through life with his children and ex issues. I have found my Peace. and within myself I am always at Peace. Before the relationship with Justin, my life was already fulfilled I was happy and living my dreams. He and Jensen & Mia, was just the cherry on top. I had always dreamed of a having four children – our unit of six works when we are together and I have felt such bliss.

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The past few weeks have been extremely trying for Justin. Missing his children has had a profound effect on our relationship. In moments of anger he pushes me away and blames me for his “loss”. I try to comfort him, and explain that it is all part of a bigger plan – change hurts, but we must trust and believe the Universe is giving us what we need. He struggles. We must stay positive and remember our thoughts create our reality and not think bad thoughts of the children, and trust they will soon come back. I try to explain to him, that Jensen & Mia have chosen him and his ex, and how this is their journey, and how he can never “lose” them – for we are all eternally connected. He struggles. He understands my perspective when feeling good and agrees – but then argues and blames when he is low. He wants to change, so he listens to me eventually. He is trying, and his patience so far with his ex and his circumstances has been commendable. Though he slips at times, ultimately we are strong. I have found a real sense of security and stability with Justin, despite our ups and downs – I love him dearly – his whole being – I admire the man that he is and beyond.

All of this takes a toll on my emotional and physical states. I often suffer physically when emotions are low and therefore cannot practice or teach live for that matter. I try to see the bigger picture and I know I have attracted all of this into my being for my own growth – but at times it gets so painful – both emotionally & physically – I just want to throw the towel in and give in. I have breakdowns where I just want to destroy then disappear. I also feel now, Justin is in self destruct mode, by also pushing me away and our life – letting his ex “win the fight”. I have come to the end of my tether – I cannot be blamed for something that is not my creation, I do not want to fight with the man I love. Nor do I want to “lose” him. I try to keep telling myself that there are no wrongs, and this keeps my emotions stable – but please help! I feel I have come to a point – where I don’t know which way to turn. Leaving Justin and his dramas would lead to a peaceful but unfulfilled life.

I would be lonely and miss him though with time I know all will pass. I don’t want to leave him, however hard he may push – because I feel in my body that this is right, and that we are here for a reason and we mustn’t give in and must work together and be one. I love him like no other – he is the love of my life and I am afraid to let him go.

Though I know my life will be less drama-filled and also that he will get his children back … I just don’t know which way to turn anymore. I have concluded now that the best place for me is “allowing” and simply doing nothing. But I was inspired to write to you, I hope you can help and advise me to see the higher perspective.

Yours faithfully,
Tistrya

Dear Tistrya,

Your answer lies in the idea of allowing. If you re-read your question, you will notice that it is filled with resistance. Resistance is the opposite of allowing. What are you resisting? You are resisting love. You are resting what is. You think things should be different than they are. You believe that if things were different, then you would feel better. You think that if things were the way you wanted them to be, then it would be easy to love. You want control over the conditions so that you can feel better. It’s the old approach to life of control. The only reason you would ever want to control anything is to overcome the way you feel when you feel fear. You do not want to feel fear and so you blame the conditions for causing you to feel fear. We know you are very close to this subject so it may be difficult to grasp what we are saying, but you must step back and look at this situation from the higher perspective.

You have certain attachments. These attachments cause you to fear loss. You are attached to your relationship with Justin. You are attached to your children above all. You are attached to yoga. You are attached to Justin’s children. You are attached to your identity. We understand this, but it is all an illusion. As you have stated, you cannot lose any of this. The fear is that the potential for loss is real and this is the cause of your resistance. If you gave up some of your attachment, you would feel less fear. Again, we understand that it is impossible for you to give up your attachment to your children, and it’s difficult to give up your attachments to your current relationship, your identity and other things. But when you maintain these attachments, you allow for the possibility of fear to introduce illusions of danger.

When you feel fear, you lose your alignment to your inner self. The fear is the indication that the reality you are perceiving is triggering a limiting belief. Your inner self does not share your limiting beliefs and is not fooled by the illusion of danger. The negative emotion comes to let you know that the reality you are perceiving is not real. There is no danger and there is nothing to fear. Your limiting belief is causing you to perceive a distorted view of reality and that is scary, but it’s not real. Your fears are irrational.

It might not be of any comfort for us to suggest that there is no such thing as loss. If you were to lose this relationship, it could only happen if you were no longer a match to it. If you became a match to another relationship, then this one would end, because it would no longer serve you. You are attached to certain aspects of it because you do not understand how your vibration works. In this case you are a match to all of the components (ones you like and others you do not prefer), because that is a reflection of the vibration you are offering. If there is drama (as you perceive drama), it’s due to the vibration you are offering. If you were not emitting a vibration that resonated with drama, there could be no drama, no matter what was happening in the lives of others. Do you see now that you alone create your reality? If you were not a match to drama, you could not be involved in this relationship.

The fear of loss exists only because one; you do not understand how to create and maintain a vibration on that which is preferred, and two, you have no idea of the delicious relationship you would create if you could remove the wobbles in your vibration. You imagine that this is the right relationship, because you have nothing better to compare it to. We promise you that if you would simply work on emitting a vibration that was aligned with who you really are (not with the fear and the resistance within you stemming from feelings of unworthiness), then you would create something that was far more satisfying. By offering resistance, you are noticing that what you prefer is not coming to you now all of the time. Why not? Because you are offering a mixed up vibrational signal. You are getting some of what you want and some of what you do not want.

The first step is to release your attachment to what you think you want. You do not want to go out and control things in order to make them happen. That is because your idea of what you want completely revolves around the idea of making you feel worthy. The outside conditions cannot make you feel worthy. You must come to understand your worthiness first and then to allow reality to form around this new and improved idea of self. Yes, you are highly sensitive and emotional. That is a very good thing. That is what has allowed you to find us. You are a vibrational match to these teachings because you are sensitive and your experience of life has caused you to raise your vibration high enough to find us. Bravo! Yes, you have feelings of unworthiness, but not so much more than anyone else. You can overcome those feelings by reducing the intensity of your limiting beliefs.

You have a pattern of existence based on your limiting beliefs. You so want to change things because you do not like the conditions. You want the conditions to change, but that’s not how it works. You must come to feel worthy first, before you can be treated worthy by anyone else. If you felt worthy, for instance, Justin could never blame you. It would feel too strange for you to be blamed for something you had no part in. It’s only because you believe yourself to be at fault (due to feelings of unworthiness) that you accept any blame. You are patient as he get angry with you, because it fits within the framework of how you currently feel about yourself. If you did not feel unworthy, you would never stand for ill-treatment. Do you see that? You would immediately leave the relationship. However, he would have never been in a relationship with you in the first place. It would not have been a vibrational match. Your unworthiness is a match to you and his feelings are a match as well. Change your feelings about yourself and you will be a match to something else that reflects the new and improved way you view yourself. He might change to become a match to the new you or not. That part cannot matter.

You create your reality based on the vibration you offer. It is all a reflection of how you feel about yourself and your world. If you do not like the reflection, do not wish for it to be different. It can only be a perfect reflection of how you feel. You must go inside and change your beliefs, expectations, approach to life, attitude and your opinion of who you are as a Divine and magnificent being of love and an extension of Source. That’s who you really are.

You have been led to believe that you are not perfect. You do not believe you are perfect now. You believe that you are flawed. You would like to get better so that you can feel better, but you can never be better than you are now, because you are perfect as you are right now in this moment. There is nothing wrong with you. You might believe that there is because this would give you the hope that if you got better, you would feel better. However, that’s not the way it works. The only reason you feel bad is because you are choosing a limited perspective and since your inner self is always fixed on the higher perspective, the negative emotion is just a signal. It’s an indication that you are choosing the perspective that will not help you get what you want. Call it depression if you like, it’s all simply negative emotion as a message about a difference of perspective. Since you are highly sensitive, it feels more intense to you than to other people. But you chose this sensitivity so that you could be aware and conscious of the reality you are creating. You have a very intense emotional guidance system and that’s a very good thing.

Give up resistance. Give up attachment. Allow everything to be right as it is. See yourself as Divine. Come to understand that you are unique and worthy as you are. You can’t be more perfect, all you can do is see yourself as more worthy. In holding a higher opinion of yourself, your reality will change to encompass that new opinion. Your current reality is rejecting your current opinion of yourself. This has nothing to do with Justin or his ex. Believe it or not, it has everything to do with your opinion of yourself. Change that opinion and everything in your reality changes.

If you would like to know how someone feels about their own level of worthiness, take a look at their life. It is there for everyone to see. If there is drama, there is resistance and it is created by feelings of unworthiness and fear. Give up the fear, because it is limiting. Change your opinion about yourself, because it is not empowering. Know your own worthiness, because you cannot ever be unworthy. You are here experiencing reality and so you’ve bought your ticket and passed your test. You are as worthy as any who has ever lived. Everyone else is worthy too. The only difference between creating the life you prefer or the one with all the drama is how aware you are of your own value and worthiness.

With our love,
We are Joshua

Dear Joshua,

If I keep vibrating a certain quality or feeling and it keeps appearing through mates that are like my father, same qualities etc.. Is it possible it is my father who keeps coming back through these mates? Can those who have croaked come back over and over again?

I understand you either attract people because you feel that way or you Definitely don’t want anyone like that in your world The later resonates with me.

Thanks,
Trisha

Dear Trisha,

You have asked a question that will help many, many people and we want to address the entirety of your question as well as the individual parts. First, you wonder if you are attracting people like your father because your father is coming back to this reality in another incarnation. While he may come back if he wishes to do so and he may even interact with you in some regard, he has not come back in that way and would not do so. This would be too confusing for you and he is aware of that.

We will start by saying that everyone you know or have known in this physical reality you also know in the nonphysical. You interact there and here. You make plans for there and here. You love and adore each other in the nonphysical and you come together in this reality to explore various aspects of your relationship just for the fun of doing so. At times you may not think it’s fun here, but you will definitely have a laugh about it from your nonphysical perspective.

You are not attracting your father as a mate but you see certain aspects of your father in the mates you choose. Let’s see if we can bring that into clarity for you. Imagine the personality of your father and how that personality carried forth into the nonphysical after his transition. In physical form he was love, appreciation, tender, hard working, supportive of his family, caring, and many other wonderful qualities and these are the aspects of his personality that he carried with him to the nonphysical. In his physical body he also carried some traits that were in the form of human baggage. He might have been insecure, fearful or worried. He might have been defensive or overly protective. He might have been angry or disappointed. These traits did not follow him into the nonphysical.

So when you are thinking that your mate has some qualities of your father are you thinking of the loving aspects or the fearful aspects? You get to choose. There is only one person in this world you need to love. It is not a mate or a parent, it is you. You must learn to love yourself and from that standpoint of self-love and selfappreciation, you will attract one who sees in you what you see in yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract someone who sees what you see. If you are insecure about your love for yourself, you will find someone who is insecure in your love for them. Until you change how you feel about yourself, you cannot attract anyone, friends or lovers, who see you for more than you see yourself. Love yourself first. Really own it and mean it. Do not love yourself in order to get someone who will also love you, love yourself regardless of what happens.

So how does one come to love themselves. It is simply a matter of realization that who you are is perfect in this moment. We see your perfection and you must come, over time, to see it as well. You are perfect whether you think you are or not. We use the term “perfect” rather than good or worthy because we want there to be no levels in this meaning. When we say worthy or good you can compare yourself to another and believe yourself to be more or less worthy or good than another. In this case you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. All others are perfect just where they are as well. There is nothing you can do to become better for you are perfect as you are.

You can’t be better and then start to love yourself. You can’t be more beautiful, successful, confident, smarter, more spiritually evolved and then love yourself. You must love yourself unconditionally now, as you are and the side effect will be those other things.

Don’t ever compare yourself to others, only compare you to you. Look at who you are now and see the progress from who you were. See your own evolution and see how< much you’ve grown. The you that you are now is ready for you to love yourself. Until you do, no relationship can manifest in the way you want it to.

Are you starting to understand how this all works? Can you see that the mates you attracted were not like your father; they were like you. They loved you in the exact way you loved yourself. They treated you how you treated yourself. They will always think of you in the exact way you think of yourself. They will always, always be a reflection of who you are being.

Your true desire is to be who you really are. Once you do that, you will attract a mate who sees the best in you. They will love you unconditionally because you love yourself unconditionally. It will not be possible for them to love you in any other way. However, if you continue to love yourself conditionally, it will not be possible for a new mate to love you any other way. Your mates will always be a mirror to who you are being. This is the law of the universe and it cannot be any other way.

Fortunately for you, you understand the mechanism of physical reality better than almost anyone you know. You understand more about this stuff than 99% of humanity. You have the tools and the desire to create your own reality. But it’s an inside job. Meditate, appreciate, and learn to love yourself unconditionally. Don’t dream about the mate, don’t hold on to a picture of what a happy relationship looks like. Forget all that stuff. Work on how you feel about yourself and everything will come from there.

It is simple to imagine and become who you really are. You accomplish it in stages.

Stage One: Understand that who you really are is who you would be in the nonphysical. Just as the personality of your father left behind the fearful aspects of his nature when he transitioned to the nonphysical, you must look at those aspects of your personality that you will leave behind when you make your transition. Any though or behavior that stems from love will be carried forth to the nonphysical and any thought or behavior that stems from fear will be left behind.

Stage Two: Act like the highest version of yourself now. Do not fear, only love. Do not protect yourself for that is a stance of fear. You cannot be harmed by words so stop living life by any other standards than your own.

Stage Three: Go inside. Spend time meditating. Communicate with your inner self. Speak to your guides. Imagine yourself as perfect, strong and courageous.

Step Four: Look for signs of growth and development. When something happens that you don’t like, look at it and see the message, the lesson, the new understanding that comes from it and appreciate it. We’re talking about all events, large and small. If someone honks their horn at you or gives you a rude comment, don’t react in the old ways. Look for the message!

Step Five: Focus on the aspects of your life that are going well.

Step Six: Compare the now you to the old you and see how far you’ve come. Never compare yourself, or your situation to another; compare you to you.

Step Seven: Believe, believe, believe. Believe that all things are coming to you because they are meant to come in order for you to expand. Believe that everything that comes to you is right and is part of the journey and the process. Believe in the power of your mind and your abilities. You are more powerful than you know. You are doing better than you think. Come to terms with the you that is and love every aspect that is you now in this moment and in the next and the next.

You are loved more than you can imagine. You are never alone. We see your amazing perfection. It’s time for you to see what we see.

Love,
Joshua