Dear Joshua,

I have currently rekindled a relationship from 12 years ago. My partner Justin is 47 years & I am 30. We both have two children and are separated. Everything about our relationship works. I feel we are deeply in love. The history behind our relationship is complicated as over the years his ex (mother of children) has befriended me, by turning myself against Justin, whom I’d never had any qualms with. Our relationship years ago simply did not work as I was 18 & he 35 – we were both in very different places in our lives.

Now though, we work. We really work. He supports and nurtures me like no other and I for him do the same. We are strong and when we make love, I feel a deep spiritual connection like never before.

I am a Yoga teacher and meditate & practice everyday. I wake up at 4.30am and practice to 6.45am. That’s when my children arise and my “real” day starts. I am very in touch with how my body responds to certain things. I am constantly working on, observing and improving myself, from a physical, emotional and spiritual perspective. My own well being is of utmost importance to me at this time, for my self and children – and this is a deep time of healing for me (I see an anthroposophical therapist also as well as a physio).

I have noticed a profound shift within my body, which I experienced pain in legs/ hamstrings – and this has subsided since the relationship with Justin became more secure. I have had issues with grounding, rooting, and being here. My liver is out of balance – it is all something I am working on. I have suffered and continue to suffer with depressive states of not wanting to be here. Yoga is my savior. My moving meditation. My body flows and I listen. I hear and I ask. It centres and brings me home – I connect with the self and move from a higher state of mind.

The problem is, his ex partner is a sociopath and is on a constant warpath against us. Although Justin and I have known each other for years, this recent rekindling has only just begun a couple months ago. A few years ago we tried again, I fell for him again, and she played her tricks and he left and went back to her. He broke my heart. It was very difficult for me to allow him back in this time round, to believe and know that he won’t do the same again. But I did.

I listened to my body and noticed the changes and shifts within myself. I was able to “be” with him. Am able to be. I allowed. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to fall – to lose control – to ride the waves of the universe – knowing that pleasure can only come with pain – and trust that the dark times will pass and the light will once again return. No good without evil, it is only a matter of perception after all….. I love him, and I love how he makes me feel. I love being around him and he is all the answers to my questions. We have fun, our children adore each other and everything works.

She is trying to make our lives hell to break us up. She is on a warpath of contacting schools/psychologists and blame the bad behaviour of her children (which is only due to their previous up and down unstable history) to destroy what we have. I am strong. I feel strong. it all bounces off me. I am calm – I am rational and collected. I have no bad feeling toward her – in fact I hope and wish that one day we could all get along. My only wish is for everyone to be happy. I have always been the fixer after all.. I know that mine & Justin’s strength together will stabilize both our children’s environment and that we can also help each other through life and support and love each other. I know this.

My only wish to move forward is for her to leave us alone. To let us be. To let him go… and after all the study of the self that I have been embarking upon, I know the ways of the world, I know how we as human bodies function, I observe it everyday and try to override it everyday within myself.

The shift from the old self to the new self. It is hard work, it is painful – but after it all – it is bliss. This is what I experience on my mat everyday. Yoga is my home. I am so grateful for the practice….

My concern is that although I am so sure of how strong Justin & I are, there is still a part of me that knows that the body as the unconscious mind can override the conscious and fall back into familiarity and a place of comfort without fear of the unknown… He has done this time and time again. The truth is – he is fearful of losing his children, so he will comply to her requests – historically. I love him and I trust him. I know he would never intend to hurt me. I know he would never consciously seek to cause me pain or hurt or wrongdoing. But I must be detached. “aparigraha” – non attachment. Without attachment – the self knows that the inevitable is possible. I try to block the thought everyday and try to stay strong.

Deep down, I feel sad for her. I have no anger nor resentment nor jealousy. It must be hard for her, knowing what she suspected all along over the years and tried to accuse him of and tried to befriend me and poison his reputation to keep me away from him. After all her evil actions, somehow it has all brought us back together – and has in fact created this. It created our relationship and deep down, I also know that she knows that I am a good human being – and that in itself would hurt so much more, knowing her children would be in better care with me than with her… I am a single mother also – and I am an empath. I know how she must feel…

Please give me some advice on how to move forward and to give me the strength to carry on ….

Thank you,

Dear Tistrya,

All we can share with you is the perspective that we can see from our nonphysical position. First, you must know that the dynamics of this highly charged and intense relationship were all intended by the three of you prior to your births into this reality. You are all eternally linked and you truly love and adore each other from your nonphysical home. Who each of you is being now is defined within the roles that each of you chose to play. This is a play. This is a way for you to understand certain specific aspects of physical reality. You are exploring love and fear in a very specific way and from each person’s perspective, you are gaining the insights each of you intended to receive prior to your birth.

Who you really are is a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. That’s who each of you really are. You have chosen to enter into this dynamic so that you could better understand love, passion, loss, integrity, and fear. There is nothing wrong with the situation. It is all perfect. However, fear distorts the reality of the situation.

From your perspective, you feel love for Justin and for his ex, but that love is distorted by the fear that he and she may have. That is in your mind whenever you are with him and so the limitless nature of your love is now limited by fear. The fear is self-imposed. Certainly, if he leaves and returns to her, you might take a limited perspective and believe that you lost something that could not be replaced. But you have not lost anything yet. You fear the loss and so you temper your love for him just in case he leaves. If you allowed yourself to love fully, then the pain associated with loss would be even more intense. You have had this experience before and so now you are hardened by it.

However, if you simply realize that this is all part of a game that you set up, you can know that you have already experienced what you came for. You have already received the benefits of expansion that this relationship has created. You no longer need to control the conditions. You can choose a new perspective and a whole new paradigm. You can never lose either of these people. If you choose to love him unconditionally, without fear, in the moment, you will experience a wonderful connection and you will allow yourself to maintain your alignment. In that, there is no resistance. How you are being now, full of fear of loss, is causing yourself stress and inner conflict that is manifesting itself as unwanted physical conditions. You are living in resistance rather than alignment. You want something so much it is actually degrading the vibration of what it is you want. Your resistance is causing you to perceive danger and this is simply not the case.

You can remove yourself from the fear and the limited perspective by looking at the situation from the higher perspective. You are a limitless being of love and acceptance. Everything you truly want is flowing to you. You are gaining the benefit of this experience, but now you can focus on what is truly important and that is your alignment. The fear of Justin leaving and returning to his ex is causing you to limit yourself and who you really are. The fear seems like such a real thing because if he leaves, you believe that you will experience negative emotion and to you this is frightening. However, you have full control over your perspective. The negative emotion can only come if you perceive that you have experienced a loss. But, you cannot lose him because you are eternally linked. You will rejoin him again. If he leaves, you will, by your desire, find another one who is just as fulfilling if you allow yourself to maintain your alignment and the perspective that you create your own reality. If he doesn’t leave, then you can fully enjoy his presence. But by maintaining this fear, you limit the fullness of this relationship in the moment.

Without the fear, the relationship would be so much more fulfilling. With the fear, it is limited. You have total control over the fear, but no control over Justin or his ex. If you try to maintain control by entertaining the fear and allowing it to linger, you will simply maintain your resistance. That resistance will manifest itself into an unwanted physical condition. Allow for the possibility that whatever happens will be for your highest good and you will ease your resistance. If you can maintain a nonresistant state, you will receive full access to universal energy and well-being and you will feel wonderful. The fear is not worth it. It is ruining the wonderful experience that this relationship offers you moment to moment.

We feel that you have a very strong desire to control the conditions and this is simply not healthy. Relax into the knowledge that it is all working out and make the decision to allow it all to work out for you. If you can do that, you will be happy, physically well, and then everything will work out. Believe that you cannot know what will be for the best of all, but the universe knows. You can go into your future kicking and screaming, but if you do that, you make your present uncomfortable.

You have this time together now. He may feel fear, she may feel fear, but you do not have to. Enjoy it moment to moment and release your attachment to what you think you want and just be who you know you really are. You are a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance and you are perfect as you are. You do not need to be better than you are, for you are perfect.

With our deep love for you,
We are Joshua

Dear Joshua,

If I keep vibrating a certain quality or feeling and it keeps appearing through mates that are like my father, same qualities etc.. Is it possible it is my father who keeps coming back through these mates? Can those who have croaked come back over and over again?

I understand you either attract people because you feel that way or you Definitely don’t want anyone like that in your world The later resonates with me.


Dear Trisha,

You have asked a question that will help many, many people and we want to address the entirety of your question as well as the individual parts. First, you wonder if you are attracting people like your father because your father is coming back to this reality in another incarnation. While he may come back if he wishes to do so and he may even interact with you in some regard, he has not come back in that way and would not do so. This would be too confusing for you and he is aware of that.

We will start by saying that everyone you know or have known in this physical reality you also know in the nonphysical. You interact there and here. You make plans for there and here. You love and adore each other in the nonphysical and you come together in this reality to explore various aspects of your relationship just for the fun of doing so. At times you may not think it’s fun here, but you will definitely have a laugh about it from your nonphysical perspective.

You are not attracting your father as a mate but you see certain aspects of your father in the mates you choose. Let’s see if we can bring that into clarity for you. Imagine the personality of your father and how that personality carried forth into the nonphysical after his transition. In physical form he was love, appreciation, tender, hard working, supportive of his family, caring, and many other wonderful qualities and these are the aspects of his personality that he carried with him to the nonphysical. In his physical body he also carried some traits that were in the form of human baggage. He might have been insecure, fearful or worried. He might have been defensive or overly protective. He might have been angry or disappointed. These traits did not follow him into the nonphysical.

So when you are thinking that your mate has some qualities of your father are you thinking of the loving aspects or the fearful aspects? You get to choose. There is only one person in this world you need to love. It is not a mate or a parent, it is you. You must learn to love yourself and from that standpoint of self-love and selfappreciation, you will attract one who sees in you what you see in yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract someone who sees what you see. If you are insecure about your love for yourself, you will find someone who is insecure in your love for them. Until you change how you feel about yourself, you cannot attract anyone, friends or lovers, who see you for more than you see yourself. Love yourself first. Really own it and mean it. Do not love yourself in order to get someone who will also love you, love yourself regardless of what happens.

So how does one come to love themselves. It is simply a matter of realization that who you are is perfect in this moment. We see your perfection and you must come, over time, to see it as well. You are perfect whether you think you are or not. We use the term “perfect” rather than good or worthy because we want there to be no levels in this meaning. When we say worthy or good you can compare yourself to another and believe yourself to be more or less worthy or good than another. In this case you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. All others are perfect just where they are as well. There is nothing you can do to become better for you are perfect as you are.

You can’t be better and then start to love yourself. You can’t be more beautiful, successful, confident, smarter, more spiritually evolved and then love yourself. You must love yourself unconditionally now, as you are and the side effect will be those other things.

Don’t ever compare yourself to others, only compare you to you. Look at who you are now and see the progress from who you were. See your own evolution and see how< much you’ve grown. The you that you are now is ready for you to love yourself. Until you do, no relationship can manifest in the way you want it to.

Are you starting to understand how this all works? Can you see that the mates you attracted were not like your father; they were like you. They loved you in the exact way you loved yourself. They treated you how you treated yourself. They will always think of you in the exact way you think of yourself. They will always, always be a reflection of who you are being.

Your true desire is to be who you really are. Once you do that, you will attract a mate who sees the best in you. They will love you unconditionally because you love yourself unconditionally. It will not be possible for them to love you in any other way. However, if you continue to love yourself conditionally, it will not be possible for a new mate to love you any other way. Your mates will always be a mirror to who you are being. This is the law of the universe and it cannot be any other way.

Fortunately for you, you understand the mechanism of physical reality better than almost anyone you know. You understand more about this stuff than 99% of humanity. You have the tools and the desire to create your own reality. But it’s an inside job. Meditate, appreciate, and learn to love yourself unconditionally. Don’t dream about the mate, don’t hold on to a picture of what a happy relationship looks like. Forget all that stuff. Work on how you feel about yourself and everything will come from there.

It is simple to imagine and become who you really are. You accomplish it in stages.

Stage One: Understand that who you really are is who you would be in the nonphysical. Just as the personality of your father left behind the fearful aspects of his nature when he transitioned to the nonphysical, you must look at those aspects of your personality that you will leave behind when you make your transition. Any though or behavior that stems from love will be carried forth to the nonphysical and any thought or behavior that stems from fear will be left behind.

Stage Two: Act like the highest version of yourself now. Do not fear, only love. Do not protect yourself for that is a stance of fear. You cannot be harmed by words so stop living life by any other standards than your own.

Stage Three: Go inside. Spend time meditating. Communicate with your inner self. Speak to your guides. Imagine yourself as perfect, strong and courageous.

Step Four: Look for signs of growth and development. When something happens that you don’t like, look at it and see the message, the lesson, the new understanding that comes from it and appreciate it. We’re talking about all events, large and small. If someone honks their horn at you or gives you a rude comment, don’t react in the old ways. Look for the message!

Step Five: Focus on the aspects of your life that are going well.

Step Six: Compare the now you to the old you and see how far you’ve come. Never compare yourself, or your situation to another; compare you to you.

Step Seven: Believe, believe, believe. Believe that all things are coming to you because they are meant to come in order for you to expand. Believe that everything that comes to you is right and is part of the journey and the process. Believe in the power of your mind and your abilities. You are more powerful than you know. You are doing better than you think. Come to terms with the you that is and love every aspect that is you now in this moment and in the next and the next.

You are loved more than you can imagine. You are never alone. We see your amazing perfection. It’s time for you to see what we see.