Hi Joshua,

My question is simple…how do you love someone close to you ie kids/spouse/parents/siblings etc, without attachment to their actions? How do you keep their actions at a distance and not let it effect you emotionally? Forever grateful for your service,


Dear Sue,

How you perceive the actions of others is the only thing that matters. Their actions, in and of themselves, are irrelevant. They are not inherently positive or negative. You perceive them to be something based on your own experiences. You are the one who brings judgment to their actions. While their actions may not conform to what you would prefer, or what society deems appropriate, or what you fear regarding them and the potential ramifications of their actions, it is always you who determines what their actions mean.

This is not simply true of your loved ones, or the actions of others, it is true of evereything in your experience. Everything is inherently neutral. Nothing is good or bad, right or wrong, unless you label it that based on your personal perspective. And that is perfectly fine. But since you are the one choosing what everything means, you might as well look at it all in a way that serves what you want and who you really are.

Do you understand that you are a being of pure positive love? That’s who you are. Anything short of that is the temporary detachment from who you really are. If you see the actions of another as wrong, or meant to hurt you in some way, then you are simply seeing the illusion that has been set up. Why would something be set up to hurt you? It wasn’t. It was set up for your personal expansion and growth.

So we see this as very interesting and we can also understand your confusion here. You are misunderstanding the word “Love.” If others love you then they should behave in a way that you deem acceptable. However, you’re the being of pure positive love and you are the only one who can accept them. You choose what is acceptable and if you truly loved them, you would accept their actions even if it made you feel bad. The paradox here is that if you accepted their actions unconditionally out of your love for them, then nothing they could do would ever make you feel bad.

This is quite a complex subject and it may take a while for our words to sink in. We will start with the basic premise that there is something you want. Let’s imagine that thing you want is to be loved. In your mind, you have a vision of what love is. It’s peace and harmony, intimacy and tenderness, comfort and compassion. It’s fun and interest and togetherness. Now let’s imagine that the universe has granted your wish exactly as you feel the desire in your heart. You could not even describe what you want in words, yet the universe knows every last detail. You want to love and be loved just as you know it should be and the universe is bringing that exact desire to physical manifestation in your personal reality.

We will assume that the universe is answering your wish. Now, how exactly does the universe get you what you want? Does it change those around you to behave in ways which you want? Does it create completely new people out of those around you into people who only do and say the things you think are appropriate for loved ones to do and say? Or does the universe change you?

Guess which is more likely to happen? That’s right, the universe changes you into the version of you that is a vibrational match to everything you want. Now, you can resist this if you like and keep trying to change the others yourself by complaining or demanding that they act in a way that causes you to feel good, or you can let the universe change you.

If you stick to your old approach to life, you will be fighting an uphill battle that you will never win. The universe will keep trying to help you to change, but as you resist, you’ll create inner conflict and stress on the body. However, if you go along with the flow of life and allow yourself to change, you will receive the most elegant manifestation of everything you want.

So there’s only one option. You must change your approach to those you love. You must completely and absolutely accept who they are and how they are being. You must give in to them completely. You must not try to change a single aspect of who they are. You must not judge their actions as bad or wrong. You must acknowledge that everything they are doing, especially when it relates to you, is meant to change you.

Whenever you perceive that their actions or words are wrong or bad, and you feel negative emotion, this is your indication that you are resisting the change that you need to be making in order to move to a new higher vibration. When you feel negative emotion as a result of your judgment, you must stop and reconsider how you are viewing their actions. Are the actions necessarily directed at you? Do they really have an impact on you? Are their words really directed at you? Do they really need to be different in order for you to feel okay? The answer is no. Their actions and words can only cause you to feel bad if you perceive them in a negative way. What you are saying to yourself is “If they loved me, they would not do or say these things. They would think about my feelings. They would act differently toward me.”

However, what they are saying is “It is not our job to walk on eggshells and be different than who we are just so you don’t get upset. We are going to be who we are and the sooner you figure that out and accept it, the better. We love you, but we need to be and do what we came here to be and do. If sometimes we say or do things you do not like, then we’re sorry that you don’t like it but we really cannot be any other way. This is who we are.”

You have been living life in a way that does not serve you for a very long time and you might not believe what we have just said. Most of humanity believes it is appropriate to dictate the actions of others so that they can feel good about themselves. Well, unfortunately, this approach to life does not work. It may have seemed like it worked in the past, but as more and more are coming forward into this reality who will not allow themselves to be changed by others, this old approach to control is losing it’s grip and we think that is a wonderful thing indeed.

If someone says or does something to you that you feel is unloving, inappropriate, or just plain wrong, you must realize it is only your limited perspective that can make it wrong. From the higher perspective, nothing is wrong. Find another way to describe their words or actions. Find new meanings. Realize that people rarely plan out what they say or do. Most of it is completely spontaneous. Most of it is helpful when you consider that the negative emotion you feel is alerting you to a limiting belief. When you can change the self talk that comes as a result of some incidence you do not like, you will soften the blow and each time you do this, you’ll feel better faster.

The reason it’s important to feel better as quickly as you can is because the universe sets your future up based on the feelings you are having in the present. You move to a new future that reflects the feelings you are having now. As you improve your feelings in each moment, your future slowly improves over time.

When someone says something hurtful and you feel negative emotion, think about what you are saying to yourself and say it in a new way that makes you feel better faster. When someone does something you do not like, don’t buy in to your old approach of making them wrong or making their actions all about you. Rather, turn the other cheek and realize it has nothing to do with you unless you make it about you.

We will not say it’s easy to change your approach so radically that you can come to a place of complete acceptance. But since unconditional love is what you are striving for, you are on a path to that desire and the universe will mold you into the version of you that is ready for the manifestation of that desire. Since we could not imagine a better desire to have while living in physical reality, we commend you for this. You will face hurtful words and actions until you start telling yourself a new story. Tell yourself this story; “They love me and these words and actions are designed to move me toward total and complete acceptance. This is unconditional love.”

You are loved unconditionally. Now you can know how wonderful that feels while experiencing it for yourself while you are here on Earth.