I was just sitting here in a really good mood thinking about my life and how amazing it is and going to be. My mind stumbled across the subject of relationships. I noticed that the main issue that a lot of couples have is the whole thing about cheating on one another and how “wrong” it is. I believe that our society just has a limited perspective on this subject so they view it as a bad thing. I want to break the chain and have my relationships be easy-breezy.

So I was thinking that with MY future boyfriend, instead of limiting him out of fear, I was going to tell him that it’s okay to follow his desires, and I would just be confident in myself. But then a thought came into my mind- that idea is fine for boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but what about when I get married and have kids. Would I still be okay with it? And my mind went down the road of what if he decides to leave? It’s not just me being affected anymore, it’s the kids too…then it all becomes very fear-based. How do I overcome that? Do I just be confident that he won’t decide to leave? Why am I making this weird circumstance up in my mind and how can I prevent my mind from going there?

Your advice is greatly appreciated,

Dear Sienna,

When your mind goes somewhere that becomes unpleasant, you can either think a different thought, or you can realize that there is some fear involved and work to reduce the intensity of that fear. If you have a thought and feel negative emotion, it is your indication that you are not thinking about that subject in the same way that your inner self is thinking about it. This is your guidance system at work and it never fails. So if you imagine that you are married and you have a husband and children and your husband chooses to leave or to experience something outside of the agreement you made, and you feel negative emotion (fear) you know that your inner self, from her higher perspective, does not agree with how you are thinking about this subject.

So then, does this mean that your inner self knows that it’s okay if some future husband abandons you and your children or otherwise breaks the promise of your marriage vow? It certainly does. If your inner self thinks it’s alright for your husband to do whatever he decides to do, and your inner self can see everything thing you want from her higher perspective, then you must find a way to wrap your head around this very fact. This is a fact, it is okay, and now you’ve got to figure out how it’s okay.

Let’s say that you meet someone and fall in love. You are madly deeply in love with this person and you decide to get married and have children. You have two wonderful children and then your husband decides to leave, or becomes a drug addict, or becomes crippled, or dies. What happens to your love? What is it about that feeling of love that was so good and now that feeling is gone? You loved him and now, because of his actions, you’ve lost that feeling you really liked. The feeling was always there, you just used him as your excuse to feel that way.

If you have ever been in love, what you were experiencing was what it feels like to be aligned in thought with your inner self. You are looking at the subject in a way that closely matches how your inner self is thinking about that same thing. There is little resistance and you are allowing the naturally good feeling of love to enter because this too is guidance. Whenever you think about something that is similar to the way your inner self is feeling, you feel good. However, it isn’t the person that’s making you feel good, it’s the natural result of being in alignment with your inner self and thinking about something in a way that matches her perspective.

When you fall in love, it will not be the man that makes you feel good, it is always, always you that makes you feel good. You will use the man as your excuse for feeling good and when he does something you don’t like, you will change your view and you will make yourself feel bad because you are thinking about him in a way that is opposed to how your inner self is thinking about him. If he does something you don’t like, and you want him to be different than he is, you will feel bad. If he does something and you remain neutral, realizing that if he’s doing it then it’s for your benefit, you will maintain your positive feelings. If you can do this, no one can bring you out of alignment. This stance of maintaining alignment with your inner self is the basis of unconditional love. If you can do this, you can allow others to be as they are and you will give yourself absolute freedom from their influence.

The only reason that you would feel bad as a result of another’s actions are due to fear. However, when you realize that you are always taken care of, and you always have control over how you choose to view the conditions, you won’t feel fear as often. When you decide to love someone, you are deciding to see them as your inner self sees them. Your inner self will love them unconditionally. Your inner self will love them no matter what they do. Your inner self will love them as they do whatever it is they do. If you choose to love someone, you must choose to see them as your inner self sees them and prepare to maintain your feelings of love despite their actions. In a relationship, the other must respond to your vibration. If they do something you don’t like, they are doing it for you even if you can’t see how it will all play out. You need not choose to stay with one person for the entirety of your life, but you must be prepared to love them forever.

You are loved and cherished more than you could ever imagine by more than you could ever count.