Joshua,

I had this experience about a week ago that I have been hesitant to ask about. It has to do with spiders and I feel like if I talk about it or even write about it then it will just attract more spiders into my life because I am focusing on it. I have finally decided to brave asking about it now because I am fed up with being afraid of spiders.

So last Saturday I came home from work and parked my car in the driveway. As I was opening the garage door, I saw two very creepy spiders on the ground next to me. I tried to stay clam because I new that the garage would open soon and I could walk away. So I thought my spider encounters were over for the night, but no, there’s more. I walked to the back door and as I opened it, something thumped the top of my head. I flinched and looked up. Guess what it was…a giant, black, creepy-looking spider hanging from a web. I immediately flew backwards onto the floor and shook my hair around to make sure there wasn’t anything in it. After a minute of hyperventilating, I realized my situation had gotten worse than just being hit by a spider; I was home alone so I couldn’t get anyone to take care of this for me.

So after like five minutes of rationalizing with myself, I decided to get the broom and carry it by the web into the bushes out back. But of course the web broke and the spider fell onto the black mat where it disappeared. I had no choice but to repeatedly smash it with the broom to ensure that it wouldn’t come in the house. Now that that was over, I had to go get the dogs from the dog run. So I walked outside slower than molasses, armed with my trusty broom-of-death. There is yet ANOTHER humongous spider in a web up in the corner of the little patio area. Luckily it wasn’t in my way so I sprinted to the dog run, unlatched the gate, and sprinted into the house. I had myself a good cry and went to bed. Guess what I dreamt about!? Rapid-growing spiders! Yay!… -_- Please tell me how to get over my extreme fear of spiders…I beg of you.

Thank you so much,
Sienna

Dear Sienna,

There are only two emotions; love and fear. You reduce fear by bringing in love. They way to reduce your fear of anything (spiders included) is to love that thing. Let us change your perspective on spiders.

Think of a puppy. Are you afraid of the puppy or do you natually love the puppy? It’s natural for you to love the thing that you do not fear. Think of a plush-toy spider. It’s cute and fluffy. You do not fear the toy, it is natural for you to love the toy. There is no fear. Remove the fear and look for reasons to love.

Spiders are not trying to eat you. They are living peacefully in bliss providing you with a wonderful service; they are controlling the bug population around your house. If not for these beautiful and delicate creatures, your house would be swarming with insects. Would you rather have a few intelligent beings maintaining your environment free from insects, or would you prefer more insects?

So now that we’ve completely dispelled your irrational fear of spiders, let’s see if we can explore the real topic hidden inside your very funny and well-written question. Love and fear. That’s all there is. You think you fear something, anything, but that fear is irrational and not true. To ease your feelings of fear (which has the benefit of creating the reality you prefer) you add more love. You create more love by appreciating all the positive aspects of that thing you so fear. Once you do that, once you change your perception of the fearful thing, your feelings improve, your limiting beliefs are reduced in intensity and your reality shifts.

On the other hand, let’s say you’re madly in love. You feel wonderful because you are fully aligned with your inner self. You are looking at the one you love exactly as your inner self is looking at that person and you are completely aligned. Now let’s say you wanted to sabotage this relationship. You decide that you want to be disconnected from your inner self so you choose to bring in fear. Fear will replace your feelings of love every time. Start worrying about the future of the relationship and you add fear. Take an innocent comment the wrong way and you’ve allowed fear to creep in. Once you open the door to fear in a relationship, it’s hard to close.

So then, what do you do? Do not let fear in. When you get a brief fearful thought, replace it with a loving thought. When you notice an aspect of the other person you do not like, replace it with an aspect you love. Think thoughts of love and pay attention to fearful thoughts. It is your habit to allow fear to enter. Stop the fear and look for reasons to love and appreciate everything. Spiders are cute!

Joshua