Dear Joshua,

I have recently returned from a 2 month extended work/vacation feeling strong, financially abundant and in a really great place. During this time away I experienced the life I want to have on a regular basis. I was happy, I laughed often, I could spend my financial abundance the way I chose. I also, felt supported and appreciated by the people I surrounded myself with.

Now I am home, I have returned to a man who I have been with for quite sometime. We have a one sided relationship where I provide all of the financial support to my partner and my children. My partner helps with my household and does love me and my children and has been the only father figure my children have known and I appreciate him for this. However he has never supported me financially and did not support my decision to leave for 2 months. This puts an enormous amount of strain and stress on me when it comes to finances and any other decision I may have because I do not feel supported. I find myself resenting him.

I try very hard to remain in a meditative state where I focus on non resistance and try very hard not to have resentment for the web I have woven by enabling this lack in my life. I desire to be a vibrational match to the experiences that I had while I was working away from home. I desire to provide more for my children and want to move with them to a new home and start fresh. How do I proceed when I feel as if returning home has become a regression in my vibrational alignment to what I truly want in my life. Is it possible for my boyfriend to ever become the vibrational match to the life I desire and if not how do I exit this relationship without damaging my children? Thank you for your time and I look forward to your response.


Dear Kelly,

You must remember that this is your reality. This is a universe, a life, a set of conditions that you created. You can choose how it all unfolds and your greatest joy will come from choosing what you want rather than worrying about what you think everyone else needs or wants. It is okay to think about yourself.

Having said this, you created the conditions of your life that exist now and if they are not what you want any longer, you will create a new set of conditions. You are vibrationally aligned to a certain degree with the life you really want (which you glimpsed on your trip), but you are still a vibrational match to your life back home. You are resisting the change you want to make and this is showing up in your life as negative emotion and stress.

Now, could you create a wonderful life within the conditions that exist with your present home and boyfriend? Absolutely. Could you create the life you want by leaving and moving to another home? Absolutely. The conditions do not matter because you create the conditions. This is what you must come to understand. You control every aspect of your experience, even if it seems like other people’s behaviors are causing you to feel bad. It is you that has the feeling, you that judges them to be wrong and you that reacts negatively to their actions. It is all up to you.

If you focused on the wonderful attributes of your boyfriend and your life in this home, you would feel better. Since how you feel is all that really matters, feeling good is the point of everything you do. You must strive to feel good. You think you would feel good if you left, but until you can control how you judge people and your conditions, your feelings will be dictated by what you observe. You must start to feel good first and then the conditions will improve to reflect your better-feeling state of being.

You think your boyfriend should support you in a way that is different than how he actually supports you. This is a flawed premise. He can only be how he is toward you because that’s the underlying agreement you made. You emit a vibrational signal and he responds perfectly to that signal. He cannot respond differently until you change the signal. You can leave your boyfriend, but until you change your signal, the next man will respond in a very similar way. It’s not the man, it’s the signal you are sending. Send a different signal and the response will be different.

So, how do you change the vibrational signal you are offering? Simply change your mind. Decide that it is okay for you to be the sole provider. Can you do that? We think this might be very difficult for you. You think that a man should at least contribute something. You think that this partnership should be equal. These are beliefs that are not serving you. You do not need support from anyone because you are fully supported by the universe. You will receive exactly what you want, when you want it, as long as you allow it. You could receive everything you wanted from your boyfriend if you would just allow it. If you would simply allow everything to be okay, it would be wonderful.

He is not doing anything wrong, he is being who he is based on how you’re being. Do not try to change him, change yourself and you will see him change dramatically. Start appreciating him. Start appreciating yourself for the wonderful conditions you have created. You are not focused on all of the positive aspects. You tend to fight against what you judge as wrong. Release this judgment and simply go with the flow.

You can create the life you want either way, but first you must change your attitude. Think of yourself first and do whatever you want to do without worrying about your children, your boyfriend or anyone else. Start living by your standards but also realize that you cannot ask someone to change how they are approaching their life. If they seem to be approaching life in a way that does not serve them or you, realize that it really has nothing to do with you. They are living their lives as best they can and their approach to life is their own personal thing. You must not allow yourself to behave in a way that coerces them into being something they are not. You can only try to keep yourself feeling good as much of the time as you can.

We understand that this answer is not going to help you make a decision. You will receive no direction from us. What we are asking you to do is reduce the intensity of your limiting belief that people should be different than they are. They can only be who they are being because you are being who you are being. If you elevate yourself, they will rise to your level. Just give it a try for three weeks and see what happens.

We ask that you eliminate the urge to judge anything or anyone as wrong for the next three weeks. If you think they are being wrong, then stop yourself and admit that they are only being a certain way as a match to how you are being. If you can be different over the next three weeks, you will see a change in them. It will not happen immediately, but it will happen. Just remember to de different for the next three weeks. Three weeks will change everything.

You are loved more than you could imagine and you’re supported by countless entities in every single moment.