Dear Joshua,

I would like to know if I am doing the right thing in my situation. I have been happily married for 10 years and have two wonderful children. We were all very happy until my husband had a midlife crisis and started to act in a very peculiar fashion. He also became very close with our next door neighbour who he said was his “best friend” (although I thought I was!!) He wanted to spend lots of time with her and texted her all the time.

I read lots about mid-life crisis and decided to put up with his bad behaviour (he became very disrespectful to me and emotionally abusive to me). The books told me that I had to “wait it out” and focus on me instead of him and have very thick skin! This I did, but things got really bad until I finally said, in a very nice way, that I could not live like that anymore and if he did not sever all ties with his so called friend that I would have no choice but to leave him (I had lost alot of weight and me and the kids were walking about on eggshells the whole time).

This all happened last summer (I would say his mid life crisis lasted about two years). Since then he has slowly become better and better. He had returned in character, a lot like his old self, he even kissed me on the cheek whilst leaving for work the other morning (I nearly fainted as he has not done this in a long time).

But, the point story is that I am now married to someone I am not sure I trust. I am sure he has not contacted/texted her since last summer, but the problem is she still lives next door! I pray that she will move. I live most days scared he will bump into her. I am sure he would not do so deliberately and that I should trust him unconditionally, but I do dread the inevitable as sooner or later they may bump into each other again.

Dear dear Joshua, any words of advice you can give me I would really appreciate.

bless you .xx

Dear Jane,

Sometimes, it seems like conditions in the outside world affect your life. It also seems that if these conditions would change, then things would be better. It appears that if only your neighbor would move, your husband would be good again and you could trust him. But this is all an illusion. None of this is happening to you, it is all happening for you. It’s just that you cannot see if from your perspective.

Imagine you are watching a magician perform a magic show. You are out in the audience and from this perspective, he seems to be doing all sorts of things that are quite simply unbelievable. However, he is an illusionist and these are all illusions from your perspective in the audience. If you were sitting behind him, instead of in front of him, you could see how each trick was performed. You would see through the illusion. This is why you believe in the illusion that your husband is doing something wrong and that this is affecting your reality. It is not, it is simply an illusion.

You create your own reality. That’s it. You cannot create in the reality of another person and no other person, including your husband, can create in your reality. This is a primary law of physical reality. You might think that others are affecting your reality and thereby creating in your reality, but they are not. You are observing their actions and choosing a perspective. You are judging them as wrong. This judgment has no effect on them, only on you. They do not feel bad, you do. They are not causing a reality to occur that they do not like, you are. It is all done by you by the thoughts that you think, the limiting beliefs you choose to hold onto, and by the limited perspective you are using in an attempt to control the actions of others.

You think that if your husband was different, then you could feel better. But feeling better has nothing to do with him, it is your job to feel better regardless of his actions. He has changed, yet you still don’t feel better. You felt bad before this all happened, and that’s why it happened. You create your own reality. The universe responds to your vibration. Your fear was manifested in this event. Your own feelings of insecurity and fear caused these things to happen.

As you birthed a desire for a new reality, one where your husband would return to his normal self, you actually did some work on you and that is a very good thing. By reading these books and focusing on yourself, you raised your vibration and things got better. It wasn’t because your husband changed, it’s because you changed. You create your own reality.

So what is the key to creating the life you prefer? You work on feeling better and you’ll create conditions that feel good to you. Forget about everyone else. This is your universe and how you feel is the only thing that matters. You have only one thing you can do: pay attention to who you want to be, what you want to feel, and what you prefer, and leave everyone else alone.

It is not wrong for your husband to be friends with your neighbor. There is no wrong anywhere in the universe. You cannot control him, your neighbor, your children, or anyone else on the planet. All you can control is your own thoughts, your own beliefs, and your own feelings. Since these are the things that make up your vibration, you must pay attention to them by focussing on what you want, (to feel good), not what you don’t want (your fears).

You are a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. That is who you really are. You are here to express your love confidently and unconditionally. If someone you love does something you do not like, you must rethink the entire situation. You must reach for the higher perspective. You must see that it is an illusion and see through the illusion. You must know that it is happening for you. You must figure out what it means. It is all a reflection of how you are feeling and it has been manifested into your reality for a reason. The reason is to bring forth your feelings of insecurity around your husband into your reality. Now, once you recognize this, you can choose new feelings. You can purposely choose to feel good regardless of what’s going on around you and then the universe will cause a shift in your reality to occur and the conditions will now reflect how you feel. If you feel better, your reality will look better.

Remember, it has nothing to do with anyone else. It is completely up to you. You have the absolute power to create the reality you prefer. You are the captain of the ship. You create your reality by your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. Think good thoughts, reduce the intensity of limiting beliefs, work on yourself, allow everyone else to do what they will, and figure out a way to feel better despite the illusion of the conditions around you, and you will create a wonderful reality that you fully enjoy which gives your life meaning and satisfaction.

You are loved more than you could imagine by more than you could ever count.