Dear Joshua,

I have been wondering about the following contradictory phrases regarding ones response to being slighted.

An eye for an eye, revenge is sweet, get even, etc. and Let sleeping dogs lay, never take anything to the bitter end, don’t hold grudges, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, etc

I viewed a segment on the Today show that talked about married couples who were having problems attending a three day” Marriage Boot Camp” and how, low and behold they emerged trouble free and lived the rest of their married lives in bliss. Hard to believe that years of resentments building up can be so easily eliminated.

This resentment buildup applies to families, friendships, groups and a variety of others So, how does one approach such a problem and deal with it successfully?


Dear Hugh,

Whenever someone speaks to you in a manner you do not like and you call it offensive or a slight, you feel negative emotion. When you play their comments over in your head, you continue to experience negative emotion. There is only one reason you ever feel bad and that’s because your perspective on the subject is not aligned with who you really are or what you really want. When you feel negative emotion you have uncovered a limiting belief which is rooted in fear and is not true.

Let’s say that someone questioned your integrity. You believe yourself to be an honest person and they question your honesty and you feel slighted. You carry this resentment with you over time and each time you think of it you feel the same negative emotion. You have a belief that is limiting and is not true. Now, did the person say these things in order to hurt you or did you experience these bad feelings as a result of what you feared in their comments? Did they say things that were untrue and you think they should have acted differently or did you perceive their comments to have some truth and you feared that their accusations might be right?

What we have to say to you is that what another person says or does does not have to have any affect on you. You judge their comments as bad, wrong or inappropriate and because you feel bad, you want them to alter their behavior so that you can feel better. You want to control what they say and do so that you do not have to feel bad. You want everyone to walk on egg shells around you so that there is less possibility of them saying or doing things that will upset you. However, you are in total control over how you feel. It is never up to them to make you feel good or bad. You react in a way that causes you to feel good or bad. You choose your reaction based on your own judgment of their words or actions.

From your perspective, you might judge the most innocent comment as a personal attack. You could just as easily perceive the comment as a compliment rather than an insult. It is your perspective that dictates how you choose to feel about any comment or action. This is true of everyone.

If you are living consciously then you realize that how you perceive the world is based on your unique perspective. Your perspective was formed over the years from your beliefs, experiences and habits of thought. One who views the world from a positive perspective sees things differently than one who views the world as a dark and dangerous place. It’s the same world, it’s just that the perspectives are different.

We will add another thing to the mix here. What you receive is a direct result of the vibrational signal you are offering. If you think you are receiving negative feedback, it is a result of the vibrational signal you are sending. If you are receiving mostly things you like and appreciate, then that is a result of your vibrational signal. If you are receiving a mix of wanted and unwanted experiences, it’s because your vibration is also mixed. Clean up your vibration by focusing solely on the things you appreciate and you’ll start to receive more of what you like. Put out more love into the world and you will receive more love.

Mostly, your vibration is set according to the beliefs you hold. If you want to create a higher vibration then you must alter your limiting beliefs. When you believe that others have the power to cause you to feel one way or another, you have a very limiting belief. You can choose how you interpret any comment or action. You can see that people do not ever mean exactly what they say, they do not think every word out ahead of time, they don’t plan their action to intentionally hurt you and their entire mode of operations is based on their own set of limiting beliefs and insecurities.

So decide to feel good and choose to interpret everything in a positive manner. You do not know what anyone is thinking, you do not understand their perception of the situation and you cannot see things very well from their perspective. Just concentrate on how you feel about them. Forgive them because it will make you feel better. Do whatever you can to feel as good as you can because this is a feeling reality and the only thing that really matters is how you feel. Don’t worry about what anyone else says or does. It has nothing to do with you. Choose to feel good.

You are loved and appreciated more than you could imagine.