Dear Joshua,

Question – we understand from our listening to Abraham that we both can get what we want even if one’s desire seems diametrically opposed to the other’s. I truly enjoy being married and I love my wife very much. However, I also have the desire to occasionally be with other women and my wife only wants me to be with her. Is there a way to reconcile this and have both of us happy in our relationship?


Dear Anonymous,

We are so pleased to have the opportunity to answer this very common question. Our answer will shed much light on your desire to the agreement is the marriage vow and it is a very potent agreement. But all your agreements limit your freedom to some extent. So now you must think in terms of what feels better; either abiding by your agreements or living your freedom.

We will never say that one way of living is better than another. For whatever way of living you choose is right since there is no wrong anywhere in the universe. But you may always consider how you are being and ultimately who you really are when choosing what is right for you. So much of your decisions are based on fear rather than love. When facing a decision such as this one, what should be the basis of that decision? Is it love or is it fear.

Agreements are generally struck out of fear. The marriage agreement is a prime example. You take vows not so much out of love but more out of trying to maintain some sort of control over the other person which gives you a false sense of security. Since more of your marriages fail than succeed (and we’re not only talking about divorce when we say fail) you can see that your system is flawed. The marriage vow does not work the way you think it does.

If you believed in your own worthiness and in the well being that is constantly flowing to you, you would not need the wedding vow. You would love unconditionally and if your mate wanted to experience something, you would not feel threatened by it. But you and your mate are not at that level yet. Until you are you must think about the other person and about how your decisions affect the dynamic of your total union.

The ramifications of your decision to experience sex with another will cause an effect on the relationship even if your mate never discovers you affair. You will know what happened and this will alter your own vibration and the vibration of your relationship. If you can be happy with this new vibration and are not worried about the change, then you might pursue your desires in this regard. However, if you are happy with the total vibration of the relationship you might not want to disturb it.

In any case you must always think about what you want. You can have it all but your doubt in this area will prevent the full manifestation of that desire. You could climb a tall mountain and jump off the peak and fly safely to the ground if you believed you could. But your doubt will prevent that from happening and you would fall to your death. The same is true with your present circumstance.

You are in complete control of your experience of life. You can have, be, or do anything you desire when that desire is free from fear, doubt, or worry. You do not have control over the experience of another, even your spouse. It is all up to you. We think, given your specific set of beliefs, that you fear the loss of this relationship and so worry, doubt, and fear cloud your ability to manifest your desires elegantly and free of any negative potential outcome.

Unless you can gain clarity of focus within any desire, your desire cannot manifest in the way that will please you. It could manifest and you could experience the essence of your desire, but the probable outcomes would include an adverse effect on your relationship.

In your society you have a very specific moral code which you have learned to follow throughout your life. Morality is created by societies and each society has a different set of beliefs in this regard. As time passes the moral code changes. As societies become more enlightened, the code becomes weaker and less of a focus within that society. Your moral codes are weakening which we applaud since there is no need for such a code within the nonphysical realm. Your moral code is an unwritten agreement created out of fear in an attempt to control the actions of others.

We do not find any of your actions or desires to be immoral. In fact, we revel in your brief encounters with immorality because we see it as your attempt to gain more freedom. You are freedom seekers and your self imposed constraints on your freedom do nothing to aid your expansion. The issue here is if one action could affect the vibration of something that is considered valuable. That is for you to decide. We are simply pointing out that, unless you are free of fear, doubt, and worry, your actions will include the potential for unwanted ramifications. You already know this but we are pointing out how it works from a vibrational level.

Now let’s imagine the situation from a purely vibrational point of view. Let’s say you had the desire to maintain a wonderful and loving relationship with your mate. This relationship is very important to you. You also have the desire to have sexual encounters with other people. These two desires are not mutually exclusive. You can have both if you are properly aligned and make your decisions based on love rather than fear. If you believe that you can maintain your current relationship with full and open disclosure of your desire to have outside romantic encounters, without a change to the relationship, then such a thing would be possible. However, when thinking about this you feel negative emotion, then fear and doubt have entered the conversation.

So we se that from a vibrational point of view your desire will not manifest in an elegant way. This is the same with any desire. You must be free from fear or doubt to allow your desire to manifest in a way you will enjoy without any negative consequences. It is a very basic and simple law of the universe.

Now you must ask yourself if you could ever get to the clarity needed to achieve your desire without fear or doubt lingering in the equation. Do you need to change the way your spouse thinks in order to create and environment that would allow both desires to co-exist? No, because you cannot create in another’s reality and no amount of convincing will cause another person to change their beliefs.

Now you have two choices and you can live happily with either choice. You can live within the confines of your relationship and limit your freedom by choosing not to engage in outside romantic encounters, or you can leave the relationship and pursue your desires freely. Either of these choices will allow you to maintain your vibrational integrity.

But before you make your decision you might also think about the reason you feel the desire to experience sexual relationships with other people. If you can understand what it is that you think you’ll get from the experience, you may be able to see this whole subject from another perspective. You might have a belief that something is not quite right in your life and this is a limiting belief. If you can find the basis of your desire as a feeling you want, you might be able to get that feeling fulfilled by some means that would not adversely affect the vibration of the relationship with your spouse.

We are quite confident that we did not answer this question in the way you were wanting us to answer it. There is no guidance here as what you should do. All we did was expose the obvious challenge to your desire. However, we hoped that we have altered your perspective on the subject of morality so that you could see that your desire was not wrong. It just does not fit within your own personal set of beliefs. Therefore your desire could not manifest as you would like it to. Sometimes you just have to understand that you have these beliefs and they’re pretty solid and that’s okay. Things have a way of working out for the best.