Joshua,

I’m outta control. How is it that I’ve found my way to your teachings, yet I’m hurting so bad. I’m drinking too much. I’m doing things that are hurtful to me. My husband had several affairs. I know from a higher perspective he had needs at the time and I was gone on business a lot. And his path is full of hard times and feeling good for him is hard so he takes what presents. I don’t want to leave him but I loop into bad thought patterns and want to search his phone and doubt what he says now and what we are doing and everyone has said right now is about me and that should be my focus and he will follow.

And he does. Since I’ve changed my vibration, he has been so much more loving and trying so hard to assure me he is here with me and that is all he wants right now yet today I felt insecure and fearful and I’m beside myself right now. How do I do what I’m here for? I know since myself my husband and kids are here that we made a pact or an agreement prior to this life or we are all currently connected out of choice/attraction, but I’m resisting and fearful. I’ve learned that everything you fear you f**k up. I.e. I fear my marriage not going as I want so I attract and make more of what I don’t want. WHY do I do this? I’m guessing I know part of the answer. I am here for a journey. So am I attracting the struggle?

If he attracted his initial affair and I was impacted and found out unexpectedly then who should be growing from this? Us both I imagine. sometimes I realize I would not be on the path of you or LOA if he did not have the affair. He had two more within a few months of me finding out about the first one. I think my “being” attracted the other two. I feel I’ve been here many times before I’m here for a serous reason to me. What should I be doing?

I’m all over the place sometimes. I make 30 steps forward for me then 29 steps back and those around me get caught up in my vibrations then I nose dive and have to secluded myself so I don’t drag others down. What should I do? I know I need to read both books you’ve written though I’m so caught up I can’t get the teachings registered quick enough in my head to stop going down the way. The hard way. Help I don’t want to do something out of irrational fear.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You are right. You are here for a journey. You are eternally linked to your husband and your children (and everyone you know), so you cannot lose them. You set intentions prior to embarking on this journey in physical reality. Your main intention was to expand through experience in joy. Joy was your primary intention. We understand this is difficult to hear right now, but you are a pure positive being of love. You are meant to experience a joyful life. You are meant to love openly and freely. You are simply looking at this situation as a victim rather than a creator. We know it’s painful, but the pain is not created by your husband’s actions, but only by your response to his actions which you believe is appropriate. It is not.

You have been led to adopt some very limiting beliefs. These limiting beliefs are all based in fear. When you reduce the intensity of the fear, you reduce the power of the limiting beliefs and your world will shift. This is a reality where you are the creator. You created the life you know live. You manifested your husband into your life, you created your marriage and your children, you attracted your job, you built your home together, but you created it all. Most of what you have created is wonderful. Most of your creation is so good that you would not trade it. It is only your perception of your husband’s behavior that you would seek to change.

Did you understand that we said it was your perception of your husband’s behavior, not his behavior itself that you want to change? You cannot erase the past or change anything in the current moment. We say, if there is something you would not change then you might call that thing perfect. Therefore, if there is something you cannot change, then you must call that perfect as well. What has happened is perfect, even though you cannot see it that way yet. You will see it that way one day. The difference between today and the future is your perspective. You have the ability to change your perspective. You have the ability to think any thought. You must regain your composure, readjust your attitude and get control of your perspective. You must look at this situation from the higher, broader perspective until you feel better.

You are a pure positive being of love. That’s who you really are when you peel away all the layers of fear. But what are you really fearing? Are you fearing the end of your marriage? You will decide that, so what is there to fear. Are your fearing another affair. You choose your perspective on that, so what is there to fear? Seriously, how does it hurt you if your husband has an affair? Will you die? Will it end your life? Or will life go on? What you fear is embarrassment, betrayal, shame, pity, and failure. But are any of these things really happening? The actions of your husband are his to deal with and have nothing to do with you. They are his issues. You can remove yourself from them without any attachment whatsoever. You are clear of this. You have nothing to do with any of it other than your belief that it is inappropriate.

You have no shame, because you did nothing wrong. You cannot be embarrassed because you did nothing wrong. You can’t be betrayed, because you are innocent and in complete control of your life. You haven’t failed because you have not yet given up. Nothing is wrong other than a conflict of beliefs. Adjust your beliefs and you can choose whatever perspective you want.

You can choose to believe that you are a victim of your husband’s actions or that you have nothing to do with them. You are not responsible and you need not blame yourself. You can choose to believe that your husband can return to living in a marriage based in trust or you can choose to believe that he can never again be trusted. It’s your choice. But once you’ve made that choice, you must select a path that fully aligns with it. If you choose to believe he can reenter the marriage and live by your rules, then you must believe that he will and fully trust every aspect of his behavior. If he breaks those rules, then you’ll handle that later. However, until he breaks your rules, you must treat him with compete acceptance and faith.

There is no need to prolong a marriage that has run its course. If you and your husband have each decided to move along, then you can embrace that and look forward to a new journey. There is no reason to stay together other than it makes each of you feel good. If you don’t feel good or can’t feel good, it’s perfectly acceptable to end it. However, if you can’t find a perspective and a set of beliefs that allow you to feel good in this relationship, it is quite probable that your limiting beliefs will create a similar situation in the next relationship.

How you choose to move forward is completely up to you. You can choose to feel good or you can choose to feel like a victim. Either way, it’s your choice. But remember, you came here for the expansion and you intended to expand in JOY. You have expanded greatly and you have found your interest in the laws of the universe. That is a wonderful thing indeed. Now it’s time for you to demand to feel good, feel joy, feel relief, feel ease, and focus on what is wanted by choosing a perspective that serves you.

You are loved more than you can imagine.

Joshua