First off, I appreciate Gary taking the time and getting an answer back so quickly to me before. I read “A Perception of Reality” (and I plan on rereading it) and just started “A Radical Change”. In “A Radical Change”, you use an example of a person who is late and stuck behind two cars. You talked about that being a “spiritual lesson” from the universe. Well today, I had an “inconvenience” where my truck did not start. It was late, it was raining, and I have a million things going on, and not really a lot of money, or time, to fix it or buy a new truck (since it is old, it may be ready to retire.).
I still don’t know what is wrong with it, but it will have to wait till morning. I am not proud of my reaction to this apparent “spiritual lesson”. I lost my temper, and hit, kicked, and punched every inanimate object near by. What is interesting is, when I calmed down. I started to question why I got mad. And It occurred to me that deep down I feel like it was my fault. That I screwed something up on it. That I am a failure. And the feelings of inferiority, low self esteem, low self worth, all came to the forefront. So there is a lesson to this. Could you help me figure out what it is…what the universe is tying to tell me? And how something like this could actually be of benefit to my dreams and desires? Thanks for your time.
You are worthy. You are absolutely worthy. You are as worthy as any who have ever or will ever live. That is the truth of you. You cannot deny that truth. When you do deny that truth, you are acting in a way that is out of alignment with who you really are. The universe wants you to come back into alignment with your truth. Your truth is that you are a successful, wonderful, and worthy being.
You are operating in a way that is contradictory to who you really are. You have low self-esteem. The real you has high self-esteem. You feel insecure and inadequate. The true you feels confident and powerful. You are on a very specific journey to move from who you are being now to who you really are. This is what you came here to explore.
You chose your family and the time and place of your birth in order to lay the groundwork for the things you wanted to explore in this physical reality. You chose it all knowing that it would launch you on a trajectory so that you could move from the feeling of insecurity to the feeling of confidence. If you can look at your childhood and the conditions of your youth from the perspective that you chose it all, you can see that it led you to where you are right now. It all unfolded perfectly to bring you from a very low vibration and now you are starting to understand that your exploration is bringing you to a higher vibration.
If you were not ready to move from a low emotional state of being such as insecurity, to a higher emotional state of being, such as confidence, you would not have found us. You could not ask these questions if you are not ready to move forward. You are coming to understand that you purposely set forth with the intention to feel small and then to specifically move yourself through this feeling of inadequacy to a feeling of power. This is what you came here to do. This is becoming interesting. This will be exhilarating.
You are a powerful being, more powerful than you can ever know. You have the power to set your life up in such a way that you would believe the illusion. You want to believe the illusion because without it you could never doubt your power. You want to play this game where you fool yourself for a while and then you re-discover who you really are. This is supposed to be stimulating and it is. If you didn’t get mad at your truck, you would know that you were not worthy of more. Your emotion of anger is your key. If you truly were inadequate and powerless, you would feel no emotion. However, your emotion is your indication that your feelings of powerlessness are false. They are not true. You are powerful, worthy and magnificent. That’s why you felt the emotion of rage.
Can you look back on the conditions of your childhood and see that they were perfect? They created the illusion of your self-doubt. If you had another childhood, you would not feel insecure about yourself. You chose it so you could experience the feeling of insecurity and then figure a way out of it. Your inner self is guiding you all the way. Your inner self knows how to bring you from your present position to the position you prefer. In order to accomplish this, you must start thinking differently.
First of all you must release the regret and animosity you have about your past. Your past was all part of the plan. Your past led you perfectly to this specific present. Your past created the perfect illusion for you. You must think of your past as perfect because that is what it is. You must begin to understand how physical reality really works. You must realize that you are a supremely powerful and worthy being and unless your childhood convinced you that you were not, you could not explore what you came here to explore. Now that you have felt what it is like to feel unworthy, you can feel what it is like to reagin your feelings of worthiness.
There is nothing for you to do than realize that you are worthy. As you begin to feel more worthy by forgiving yourself and those who made you feel unworthy, your reality will slowly transform to reflect your new feelings. It doesn’t happen immediately. You’ll have to prove yourself to the universe first. You’ll have to show the universe that you have made the change. The universe will through you a few more manifestation events like the one with your truck. How you react to those events will shape your future.
The next time you feel angry in the midst of some similar event, stop and realize that it is not happening to you, it’s happening for you. You are already making great progress. You are stopping to think about the purpose of these events. This means you are starting to see the illusion for what it is. For you, this is a very good thing. It is now time for you to move forward and reclaim your confidence.
You have come up with many valid-sounding reasons for your issues around unworthiness. You think if you were more intelligent, better looking, or had more money you would feel more confident. This is an illusion for there are many with better looks, higher intelligence and more money who are even more insecure than you. You need nothing more than what you already posses. All you need is faith.
Have faith that your reality simply reflects your own inner feelings of self worth. Have faith that the universe responds to how you feel about self. Have faith that you can love yourself as much as any other. Have faith that this was your plan all along. Have faith that your inner self is guiding you every step of the way. Have faith that when you feel negative emotion it’s your inner self telling you that you are not in alignment with who you really are or what you really want. Have faith that everyone is going through a similar journey no matter how confident they appear. You are doing better than you think. You are an amazing and magnificent being of love and you are loved more than you can imagine. Now it’s time for you to give up your reasons and give in to love.