I need help regarding my marriage. My husband has been married twice before, has three daughters from those marriages, and we have a daughter and son from ours. I often have feelings of unworthiness, which I understand come from the inside out, but when I see my husband treating my children differently from his others, I find it hard.
For example, my husband never said/did anything regarding his 3rd daughter’s behavior and constantly showered her with affection and gifts, which is so in contrast to how he interacts with our daughter, which is mostly with annoyance and rarely with love. Our daughter is beautiful, intelligent, kind, and loving and we often have people, even strangers, speak of how much they adore her. I find this whole situation really challenging given her father. I don’t want to walk away, as I love him, but equally I don’t want to stay in a relationship that is ultimately not great for either my children or myself.
Love Victoria xx
We can see that this apparent situation might be distressing given your observance of situations so close to you. You want your husband to shower all of your children with love and affection equally; but that is not in anyone’s interest, especially your daughter’s. Let us explain this.
From the nonphysical realm, you very much wanted to come to physical reality. You set very strong intentions for this life. Most of your intentions were general in nature, such as the intention to feel joy and grow through the expansive properties of experience. But there were one or more things you came here to explore and so you chose the time and place of your birth and your parents (and some other things), because you knew that this would launch you on a trajectory to discover that which you came here to explore.
The same is true for your children.
Each of your children came here to explore reality in their own unique way and to delver a little deeper into certain aspects of physical reality here on Earth. They chose you as their mother and they also chose their father. They knew this family dynamic was the perfect place that would create intense desires and set them off on the perfect trajectory. Everything was thought out beforehand. Everything is working perfectly.
Do you think all of your children came here to explore the same thing and that is why they picked you as their parents? Of course not. You can see that you children have different interests and desires. So then, if they all come from the same family, how could their trajectories be different? Because from their unique perspective, everything is different. They were born at different times and this means they have different vibrations. They interact with their parents and siblings differently. They notice how their siblings are treated differently and this might cause desire or it might not. The point is that the trajectories are different because their perspectives are different. And that is exactly what they wanted.
When you believe that your husband is treating one child differently than another, several things are in play here. One; your perspective as a mother is quite different from theirs. Two; your child is receiving that which she needs from your husband, even thought you may not be able to see it. Three; this agreement was made long before either of them were born. If your husband were to treat your child differently than he is, it would defy the laws of the universe as we know them to be.
This is an attractive reality. Everyone is getting everything they need even if you think that what they need is wrong. Just remember that your perspective is limited and from your point of view it may seem wrong. However, there is no wrong anywhere in the universe and the dynamic in this relationship is not wrong either. in fact, it is perfect.
We urge you to take a higher perspective on the subject. Your husband cannot behave in a way to make you feel better because he is not responsible for how you feel. It would be a disservice to all involved. Just remember that everything is always working out for you, your daughter, and your husband. The fact that you have difficulty seeing that is a sign of resistance and resistance is caused by fear. You have a fear that this treatment will adversely affect your daughter. However, if things are allowed to play out, it will help her receive that which she wants and in the future you will see that their relationship will come together.
There is nothing you can do to change anyone else. The only reason you want them to change is so that you can feel better. You must find a perspective that helps you soothe your fears. Observe this relationship a little closer and see if you cannot witness that everyone involved is receiving what they really need.
With all our love,
We are Joshua