Hi Joshua!

I have a situation that I know I am trying to control and that the control is based in fear. A quick background as to why I am controlling this specific situation. My daughter has annual birthday sleepover parties and while it takes a lot out of me, they usually go pretty smoothly. Last year, there were a few new faces and things turned out to be less than perfect…at least in my perception at the time. One of the girls is a known ‘bully’ and unbeknownst to me, she did bully another girl at the party last year. There was also a clique with the new girls that excluded many of the other girls.

I was extremely angry about this last year and swore I would not host another huge sleepover again. Because my daughter really would like to have a birthday sleepover again, I’ve been trying to work through this fear, but I’ve been dreading the party and as a result have been dragging my heels, trying to limit certain people from my daughter’s guest list but at the same time worrying that those not being invited (one in particular) will treat my daughter negatively in the future knowing she was one of the very few not invited. So, I’m trying hard to control who is invited but at the same time wanting to protect my daughter from negativity, so I’ve been pretty much obsessing about this nonstop.

I keep trying to say to myself that all this will work out perfectly, even living in the moment and trying hard not to focus on the future event, but at the same time I know I am being controlling out of fear. I also know I am teaching my daughter to try to control situations as well and to not trust that things will work out fine.

My question also is as I’m not ‘inspired’ to invite certain, or lots of girls, can’t I just say no and try to work it out to my advantage/inspiration. Or, am I now controlling my daughter’s life and her desires. I know we can’t control in other’s lives, but it really feels like I am controlling hers! Ideally, we would have the sleepover, with certain girls invited and a few not invited, my daughter not having any repercussions from my/her choices! LOL! I know she feels ambivalent about this particular person as well, so it’s not just me, but I feel like she can’t see ahead of what the repercussions might be. Totally trying to control things here and need some wonderful direction from you please, thanks!! I am extremely grateful for any advice you can give!

With lots of gratitude,

Dear Tasha,

Yes! You are aware that the desire to control comes from a place of fear and not love. You are feeling negative emotion and this is what causes you to lose your alignment. In a place of disconnection, you cannot receive the inspiration you need to move forward. You have lost your faith in universal energy and laws. You think that you have to do it all on your own. We will present you with two scenarios so that you can see the situation from two different perspectives.

In the first scenario, you control the party from a stance of fear. You limit the guest list to those girls you know will behave properly in your judgment. You will exclude girls you fear will not behave according to what you think is right. You do your best to eliminate the possibility of anything bad happening or anything going wrong. In doing so, you believe that this will cause you to avoid negative emotion. Since negative emotion is bad, you want to control your exposure to it. Remember that this is your life and all you are doing is creating in your life, not your daughter’s. You fear negative emotion and so you want to protect your daughter, not for her sake, but for yours. You believe that if she faces repercussions from your decisions, she will feel bad and that will make you feel bad. You are wanting to avoid her feeling bad so you can avoid negative emotion yourself. It’s never about her, it’s always about you.

Would you like to keep your daughter from ever experiencing negative emotion? Since negative emotion is her most dependable form of guidance, would you really like to rob her of that guidance? Do you want to avoid that guidance for yourself? Of course not. You’re just looking at it from a limited perspective. You are believing in an illusion caused by fear.

Are bullies wrong? Should bullies be band out of existence? Should no one receive the clarifying benefits of an experience with a bully? This is an issue for you and obviously, it has caused you to take a limited perspective. Are these girls not capable of dealing with an uncomfortable situation? Certainly they are. If this turns into a bullying experience, great desires will be birthed. It is this time in their lives when they create preferences and some valuable preferences might be created at this party. If not this party, then another party. You cannot maintain control over the guest list of every party your daughter will ever attend. Control cannot work in an attractive universe such as this.

The other scenario would be based in love. You invite everyone to the party with full acceptance of who they are. If they are a bully, you embrace them for the fears contained within them and you allow them to behave as they will knowing that it will be for the benefit of those who attract their wrath. Of course, the bully might be swept up in the environment of love and not feel the fear she normally feels. Invite the girls who form the clique and show them so much love that they become inspired to shed their fears and participate with the other girls.

You have two choices, control the situation believing that negative emotion is bad or embrace the situation with as much love as you can muster knowing that there is no wrong and that the universe can only respond with a vibrational match to how you personally are feeling. If you feel fear, you will face manifestation events that bring forth that fear as a physical representation. If you feel love, the universe will orchestrate an environment of love.

Let this party become your testing ground. You will go all out to create an inclusive environment of calm, ease, safety, security, and love. You will make everyone feel welcome and safe. You will include everyone and personally acknowledge that you accept them as they are. It will be a vibrational refuge for a few hours. If you can do this, you will create and event that will literally change the course of the lives of some or all of the girls who attend. Those who cannot resonate with the love you will extend to them will find a reason not to attend the party.

You never have to do anything other than express your love and acceptance and see everything as right. The universe will take care of everything else.

With our love,
We are Joshua