Hi Joshua,

I am struggling with trying to ‘love’ someone who was a friend and who has pulled away from me. Usually, I would get angry and say ‘fuck her’ but the more enlightened me is trying hard to feel more love so that I can remain open to receiving from the universe! I get it, but I’m struggling so I need help please! haha

A little background first. She and I became friends because of our kids. My daughter and her girls were very close. During my time hanging out with her, I was the most negative I’ve ever been in the sense that I gossiped and talked negatively about people. I was never like this and it felt bad…but good at the same time…at that time. Now that I’ve had time to step away from it, I really didn’t like that version of me, it didn’t really feel good. Especially, since some of the people we talked about, I’m friends with (again). I feel like I am ok with not being friends with this person because I don’t want to go back to being negative.

My issue seems to be more that I tried to be nice to her and include her kids in our life but she has chosen to ignore the times I’ve reached out and I know she is talking about me now as well. I know because I was with her when this happened to another person that we both know. Her kids act differently towards me as well, which also shows that she is talking negatively about me. The reason this is all happening is because although my daughter is still friends with her kids, my daughter and another girl became inseparable over a year ago, and she has gotten mad about this kind of thing happening in the past. This is a similar dynamic that happened to us (with other people) while we were friends (and I was being very negative) and I see the whole dynamic replaying itself just with me this time.

So, just to clarify, although it upsets me, it isn’t killing me. What bothers me most is that my old self would get angry and feed off the anger, and that would feel good and I would feel justified. The new me wants to just let it go, try to ‘love’ her and not let it bother me. I think about it often and it annoys me that I can’t just not think about it. I do run into her at times which is fine, I don’t feel the need be friends at this point because like I said, I don’t miss the negativity, I just want to move on and NOT let it even be in my mind. I hope this makes sense!

Thanks for your help, Joshua!!

Dear Tasha,

You are a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. That’s just who you really are. Actually, that’s who everyone is. Everyone is finding their own path to that authentic version of themselves. When you are not being a limitless being of pure positive love in any moment, it is due to some irrational fear that is distracting you from who you really are. The better you are at recognizing fear and dealing with it when it arises, the more acceptance you will have for yourself and others. The side effect of accepting everyone as they are is that you will begin to accept yourself, just as you are, too.

When you feel insecure, due to some irrational fear about your worthiness, you are not really being who you truly are and so you sink into a lower emotional state of being. This is caused by negative emotion. Some fear has presented itself and this causes you to believe that someone or something (or even yourself) is being bad or wrong in the moment. It’s just a limited perspective caused by fear. Your inner self doesn’t feel this way and that’s why you receive negative emotion. It’s your indication that there is a fear present and now you have the chance to deal with that fear.

When you are in a bad mood because you are focused on the negative side of something, you will attract thoughts that match how you feel. Those thoughts that come to you often are urges or compulsions to do something to make yourself feel batter. A lot of people eat something, drink something, or do something to alleviate the bad feeling, but these are actions that arise out of a negative state and so they are not aligned with who you really are or what you truly want. This is when you have the urge to gossip. It makes you feel better because your focus is taken off that which causes you to feel bad and placed on the perceived difficulties of someone else. At least you don’t have their problems and so your problems seem diminished. But this activity is not congruent with who you really are and doesn’t really do anything to make you feel any better in the long term.

When you chose to release your fear and be more like who you really are, your vibration changes and you no longer have the need to do incongruent things to make yourself feel better. You previously attracted people who were a match to how you feel. If they are no longer a match, then they will gradually leave your reality. That is a good thing. You want to be a match to people who are vibrating at a high level. You want to be a match to confidence, ease, and self-worth. You want to accept others as they are and so they are not wrong for leaving you or wanting you to be different than you are. That’s up to them. You just focus on being who you really are, focus on what you really like, and realize that it’s just the occasional irrational fear that causes you to lose your focus from time to time.

Remember that everything is right, everyone is right, everyone is perfect as they are and need not change for you to feel good. No one can create in your reality. They can influence you from a position of fear, but the fear is irrational. It is up to you to see your value and worthiness and also see yourself as perfect. There is never anything to fix. All you have to do is remain focused in a way that is squarely and firmly fixed on what you want for yourself, not on how other people are acting or behaving. They can be however they choose to be. They are either a match to you or not. You can tell what you are vibrating based on the people you’ve attracted into your life. They will always be a reflection of your current vibration and isn’t that nice to know? With our love,

We are Joshua