Dear Joshua,

I seem to be having a hard time “accepting” my grandsons’ disruptive behavior. They spend a great deal of time at my house and their Mom has a hard time managing their rowdy behavior. Some of the challenges are…

The 4 yr old feels a need to dominate the conversation.
They both refuse to pick things up as they know their mother will.
They are very competitive and don’t like sharing the limelight.
And both are way better when alone, away from each other.

They are lively and full of endless energy, I just wish it was less combative.
I do ok for many days in a row, and then I eventually tire of it all and just have to leave.
This seems to be my best way of coping, leaving and finding things to do at my
business, which is a pretty nice haven. I want to enjoy their childhood and not run away from it.

I appreciate your wisdom as always.

Love,
Sue

Dear Sue,

Your grandsons chose the time and place of their birth, their bodies, their parents, and you as their grandmother. And they especially chose each other, knowing that they would be influencing and affecting their childhoods as well as the rest of their lives together. They chose all this in order to be sent on a trajectory to explore reality as they intended. You are a big part of that trajectory.

As you look at this family from the broader, higher perspective, it is no coincidence that they are in your life and you are in theirs. You cannot create in their reality, but you can and do have influence over it. How you choose to influence them has a lot to do with what they intended to explore this time around. Isn’t that a nice thought?

As you look at them and observe their behavior, you might believe that if they would be calmer, you would enjoy them more. The exact opposite is true as well. If they were quiet little boys, not making any fuss, just keeping to themselves, you would wish they had a bit more energy and enthusiasm. In fact, if they were any more like what you perceive they should be, you would simply focus on some other aspect you think was wrong or in need of some change. Your desire to control them would never stop and because they could never confirm to your ultimate desire, you would never be satisfied. It’s not that they are being uncooperative with your vision. It’s that your vision is based in lack and the desire for a different behavior. As you well know, that desire is based in fear.

You are here to express your love and acceptance. They are here to see if you truly want to express your love and acceptance or if you want them to be different than they are. So then, you need not change them, you simply need to alter your perspective. Aren’t you glad they exist at all? Wouldn’t you miss them if they were gone? In fact, won’t you miss them when they evolve to another version of themselves?

In time, they will expand into teenagers, then young adults, then middle-aged men, then possibly old men. They are different versions of themselves at every level of expansion. They are changing every day. Your work is to accept them fully as they are in each incarnation. Accept their bickering, accept their need for attention, accept their competition, and accept all the sweet, quiet moments in between the storms. Isn’t it nice that you have a business to escape to?

From the higher perspective, there is no wrong in the universe. From the higher perspective, they are never wrong. From a limited perspective, based in fear, there is nothing but wrong. It’s time now to use what you know to reach for the higher perspective. That includes your grandchildren, your own children, and everyone else in your life. Start looking at everything and everyone from the highest perspective possible. Start addressing your own limiting beliefs. Ask no one to change a thing. Completely abandon your desire to control anything. That control is based in fear and comes as a result of your habit of looking at life from the limited (fear-based) perspective. Give it all up because it will never make you happy. As soon as you do, watch as things miraculously change around you. Change your perception of the world and you literally change your world.

With our love,
We are Joshua