Dear Joshua,

My daughter lives with me, so we see each other daily. She’s easy to live with, quite a Godsend for all she does, amazing housekeeper, takes care of her nephews often, seeing that I’m at my business most of the day, she lightens the load for everyone.

What I’d like to address is my obsession with her weight gain, which does neither of us any good. As with any Mom I want the best for her, and a bit ago she lost weight and was walking daily and leading what we see as a healthy lifestyle. I want to be around her and feel loving, not worried or concerned. I know this is about me, but not sure where to go with this. We never talk about it as I don’t believe that would help feeling this way, plus she’s not one to talk about herself or share her feelings anyway. I find myself waking up and immediately thinking about her and her weight, feeling I should or could do something, which feels a bit crazy. Hope you can shed some light on this sensitive subject.


Dear Sue,

The only possible way you could see anything as wrong, including your daughter’s weight, has to do with a limiting belief. The condition presents itself as a manifestation event or series of events. This triggers your limiting belief and you feel fear. It might be the fear of loss, for instance. And so you perceive that the way to deal with your fear is to change the conditions. In fact, you perceive that the only way to ease your fear is to change the conditions. From your perspective, you believe that if the conditions were different than they are, you would feel better. However, this is a false premise.

The fact is that if your daughter’s weight suddenly changed, you would feel a different fear. Imagine that you wake up tomorrow and she weighs 50 pounds less. You would have a new fear. Imagine if she continues to lose weight. Now you have new fears. And so you must continually wish that things were different in order to feel good. You see, you cannot allow the outside conditions to dictate how you feel. How you feel is up to you. It’s an inside job.

If you had no limiting beliefs around your daughter (even if you believe that every mother would have the same limiting beliefs that you now have), you could not feel negative emotion. It simply would not be possible. The negative emotion will always point out a limiting belief. So then, it is not your daughter that has the problem, it’s simply a fear that has been triggered by a limiting belief. Do not ask your daughter to change, change the belief. This will enable you to feel better.

When you feel fear (negative emotion), you dip into a lower emotional state of being. In that state, you receive urges to change the conditions. You might not act on these urges consciously. You might not intentionally say anything to your daughter in an attempt to change her condition, but you might do things unintentionally. You might give her a look. You might say something related to the topic. Or you might refrain from stating something in order to save her feelings. The point is, that you are not allowing yourself to maintain your alignment in this area and so the inspired ideas cannot come to you.

If you had no fear, no limiting beliefs, and no concerns around this subject, you would be open to inspiration. The inspiring thoughts and ideas may lead to some beneficial words or actions. But since you are maintaining your limiting beliefs, you are not receptive to inspiration.

The whole point of diminishing the intensity of limiting beliefs is to maintain alignment. In alignment, you will receive inspiration. In fear you receive urges to change the conditions. The urges will never help, so do not act on them. The inspiration will always be beneficial.

With our love,
We are Joshua