Dear Joshua,

There is a consistent theme in my childhood/adulthood with family belonging. Awkward is an undercurrent. Most of the time I feel like I’m not truly seen, heard, or accepted. And even with “tapping” to release emotional triggers, I am not getting past it. The frustration that manifests as rage is wearing me out.

I don’t want to go to extremes and leave this family behind, but the feeling I get consistently is like weird emotional abuse. I just cannot figure out this family that I was brought up with. (Step family, having one half sister/same mother, whose loyalty fluctuates, where sometimes I trust her and sometimes I don’t.)

MY mother- holy mother of God- she has been trying to disown me since I was 3– and threatened me with “If you die I will just find another daughter to love.” Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy- she has disowned me more than 5 times, always finding some other girl/woman my age at the time to show her affections.

I need guidance on why am in this shitshow of a family. How can I not attract this? I feel so alone, and am feeling like I may always be alone. I am 40 with no family of my own. No husband. nothing. Ugh– is this going to change? Thank you Joshua/ Gary. I appreciate any insight you may have.


Dear SJH,

Thank you so much for your question. The subject of family and why you are born to a specific family is a very common question and one with which we are happy to share our perspective. We know that you feel strongly about the subject and you have a set of very strong opinions and beliefs about your family. It is our intention to help you come to a new perspective and thus alter your beliefs which are very limiting. Once you do, your life will improve dramatically. If you can hear our words and accept them as the truth, coming to fully believe that what we have to say is for your personal, highest good, then you can alter your beliefs and thus change your reality.

There are only really two emotions; love and fear. Your reality is based on the predominance of thoughts of love or thoughts of fear. This is the basis of all thought and thus all reality is created out of love or fear or some of both. You create your own reality by thinking the thoughts you think most of the time. If you are predominantly thinking thoughts of love (i.e. compassion, understanding, appreciation, happiness, gratitude, etc.) your reality will reflect these thoughts. However, if you are predominantly thinking thoughts of fear (i.e. anger, rage, pity, unworthiness, judgment, shame, despair, resentment, etc.) your life will unfold in a very different manner.

So what are your predominance of thoughts that has led you to where you are now? Can you see how your life has unfolded by the thoughts you have been thinking? That is good news! Now you see that you are responsible for where you are and where you are has brought you to a new level of understanding regarding the mechanism of physical reality. It has all unfolded perfectly to bring you where you are right now.

So now, knowing what we have just told you, do you feel better about where you are? If you hadn’t lived the life you have lived, you would never have asked for help and you would never have found us. Your life experience so far has brought you to accept that there should be more to life. You are asking questions that very few have allowed to be answered in such a way. This is a very good and meaningful thing. So we would say that you might appreciate where you are.

If you can begin to appreciate where you are, who you have become, and take joy in the parts of life that are enjoyable, you can begin to move forward.

Let us start with the family that you believe is the root of all your problems. We say that they are the cause of all the joy you will now find as you move forward from this place to where you really want to be. We say that we would love them for the trajectory they have given your life so that you are now asking for things in a very powerful way. Love them, preferably from afar, and you will improve your feelings.

What you are here to learn is unconditional love. Guess what? You don’t learn anything about unconditional love within a family who loves one another unconditionally. You can only come to understand unconditional love from the experience of conditional love. It is not them who must change how they love you, rather it is you who must change how you love yourself. You will come to love yourself unconditionally at some point. You will love yourself unconditionally when you die and transition to the nonphysical realm or you can do it now. It’s up to you.

You have come to believe that you are unworthy due to the influence of your family. This is common among most humans. However, you are as worthy as any who have ever lived and there is no one more worthy than you. You must come to believe that fact. You do not need them to validate your existence.

Everything you want is to be found within. Come to see yourself as worthy and you will then start to see others as worthy too. Come to love yourself unconditionally and you will start to love others unconditionally as well. Believe in your ability to alter your limiting beliefs and your life will improve. Think more loving thoughts about yourself, your life and those you love, and your life will get so much better.

You are responsible for everything you experience in reality. You have the power to change the conditions around you. You do not change for the better with thoughts of fear, you change your conditions with thoughts of love. Forgive those who you feel have mistreated you and realize that they were only responding to how you have been feeling about yourself. They are just the reflection of your inner feelings, beliefs, and predominance of thought.

There is a lot to comprehend in this short message so we will pass along our book so that you might have a better understanding of the mechanism of physical reality. We appreciate your willingness to listen to our words and we do not see anything in your life as bad, wrong, or missing. You are simply where you are and with a little conscious thought and some practice, we see your life moving quickly toward the life you really want.

Please feel free to ask us another question when you are ready for the answer. Read this answer many times and you will discover something new in our message each time you read it.

You are loved and cared for more than you can imagine.