Dear Joshua,

I think I may have to disagree with this one (your answer to Reidun’s question #59), well, disagree AND agree, somewhat.

I like the idea of names at the plates, decorated table and the little gift, if there is enough money. HOWEVER, people like to feel a part of a family celebration, so it might be nice for the family (other than the parents), to bring a dish. She did mention she wasn’t earning a big salary. I don’t know the reason for that so she may not be working.

Just my point of view.

Dear Loretta,

From your perspective, you might see how someone who is struggling to make things work within the family could do things more harmoniously, and we certainly agree with your point. If someone doesn’t want to do something, shouldn’t they express their desires openly and honestly and ask others for the help they apparently need? In many cases we would completely agree. It is always good to express yourself authentically and when you need help, ask for help.

This answer was expressly written for Reidun and her specific situation. In her case, she was asking for appreciation and so the only reason she was doing anything for the family was to receive love in return in the form of appreciation. Since this approach cannot work, because it violates the laws of the universe, she had not success at all when she did anything in the attempt to receive appreciation or love in return for her efforts. She was being inauthentic in the past by doing things for people and expecting appreciation in return. We suggested a new approach.

She, you, and everyone else in the world is a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. It is not your true desire to be loved, it is to love. The desire to be loved comes from a position of lack of love. The desire to love is authentic and one does not need to be loved in return. You do not love another person only to receive love yourself, you love and then allow the other people to express their love (or not) in any way they choose. This is acceptance, which we see as a critical component of love.

Our suggestion to Reidun was to love like she’s never loved before without asking the people to express their love back to her in the form of appreciation. We asked her to lean into the experience, because the event is designed for her. It wasn’t a coincidence that this happened at this time in her life. We have been in a conversation with her for some time and she is beginning to see that her need to be loved comes from a place of great insecurity. She now realizes that the lack of love she feels is literally projected onto the screen of her reality and the only thing that can come to her as a result of focusing on the fact that she is not loved or appreciated is a reality where she is not shown love or appreciation by her family.

Therefore, she must give up the futile exercise of coercing others into appreciating her for what she does, and simply do things out of love, from a place of focussing on being love and expressing love without the need for appreciation. When she gives up on that need, she will be focusing on the other end of the stick and the universe will now present to her an entirely different reality. If she expresses love, the Law of Attraction will bring her the feeling of love. It’s simply how the universe works, every single time. It is law.

You are loved more than you can imagine, by more than you could ever count.

We are Joshua