Dear Joshua,

My 8 year daughter is struggling with making connections with her peers at school. She often feels left out and doesn’t understand why. She is a sweet, kind, and funny child. It perplexes me that she struggles with making friends, especially because I see how wonderful and amazing she is at home. How can I help her achieve her goal to connect with her friends?


Dear Kim,

We understand that as a parent you would like to make things easier for your child. You would like to guide her and help her work out difficult situations. You do not want to see your daughter struggle with anything. It makes you feel negative emotion.

When you feel negative emotion, you are feeling the guidance that is being given to you by your inner self. You are looking at a situation from your limited perspective and you are believing that the situation is wrong. If the situation would be different, you’d feel better. But your inner self is looking at the same situation and seeing it as right. You believe that if your daughter was able to make friends, then you (and she) would feel better. You want the conditions to change so that you would feel better. However, you must change yourself, not the conditions. The conditions are there because they are perfect as the vehicle to move you, and your daughter, to where you both want to go.

Let’s look at the situation from your daughter’s perspective. She is having difficulty making friends. She sees others with friends and she desires to have friends herself. Her inability to make friends is creating another, more powerful desire. As a result of this situation, she will either move forward and make friends easily, or she will regress and become more isolated. It is her perspective of life and this situation which will make all the difference.

If your child believes she is worthy of making friends, then she will figure it out. She might complain here and there which will cause you to want to soothe her or to try and help her. However, if you allow her to go through this relatively short period of frustration, allow her desires to form, and give her the room to figure it out on her own, she will manifest what she wants into her reality. She will learn to listen to her own inner self for guidance. She will feel capable and ready to handle other challenging situations.

You daughter’s first impulse is to blame the conditions for not being fair. However, she is creating her own reality and she can create a reality she prefers. She has as much power in this regard as anyone. She is vibrating at a high level. She has fears which will be overcome and as a result she will feel appreciation for whatever manifests in her reality. If you agree with her and call the conditions wrong, you lead her to believe that she has no power and she is a victim of circumstances. This is not the lesson you want to teach, even though you believe that it is appropriate to soothe your child when she is feeling emotional pain.

Rather, teach her that she is in charge of her life and the conditions have been presented to serve her, not to harm her. Teach her that the events are causing her to create new desires and this is a good thing. Teach her that what she truly wants will manifest if she allows it too. Tell her that things are working out for her and that she is being transformed in a very positive way by these events and conditions.

Your daughter will either believe in her own worthiness and ability and face challenges bravely or she will deny her own worthiness and fear all such challenges. She will either learn to trust her own guidance or she will rely on others to make her feel better and deny the value of challenging events. You have tremendous influence over her. You can either display your love by allowing her to figure it out, or you can display your fear by trying her solve her problems yourself. How you react to the conditions is how she will be influenced to react to the conditions. If you believe that everything is okay, that everything is for her benefit, and that she has all she needs to work through any challenge on her own, then you will be influencing her in a positive way and appropriately demonstrating your unconditional love for her.

You are loved and you are love.