Thank you very much indeed for your message for me which I received yesterday. Here are my thoughts in response.
I guess it’s hard for me to understand how, after experiencing so much abuse, and spending a long time working through it – I spent most of my 20s in support groups, counselling and therapy, and in this way began to develop a workable personality as that type of information had not been available to me before – then I studied and practiced Buddhism for 15 years, in the course of which I received worse abuse (from my sister) which left me with post-traumatic stress symptoms… It’s hard to find out, after devoting my life to healing in this way, that it’s all my fault and I’m just not trying hard enough! Because I really have been (almost!) everywhere with it, to the edges of everything – for example with the hurt of the abuse from my sister I tried so hard to work through it and in the end had to admit I was not Jesus, and that’s why I couldn’t easily forgive or get over the devastating hurt she inflicted, though I have been able to love her again. (It was a situation where counsellors and teachers had nothing to offer me except an acknowledgement that this was a really difficult situation – they couldn’t see a way in which I was not handling it well, or tell me something that I could change).
But the fact that we are all capable of enlightenment tells me that these things can be overcome.
I do accept the possibilities if the places where I haven’t yet been – of being able to let go to a greater extent, for example, and the possibility that you present, of “seeing my worth”.
So you have said that I can become “a vibrational match to another, more pleasant version” of my mum.
I understand what you are saying about the quality of the vibrational level I take to my family. It tends to be better if I have spent a few days with highly realised beings before seeing them, but most of the time that’s not possible, and even then I’m not powerful enough to pull them out of their self-and-each-other-destructive patterns.
You said I am “confident with friends and insecure with your family.” And acknowledged that “there is so much momentum with your family.” I choose friends who are kind, sensitive people because I am vulnerable (open) after all the pain with my family and have no wish to replicate the family any more with relationships with addicts, which was my pattern before I found recovery.
So the main question is how do I raise my vibration with my family when they are, in my mum’s case viewing me as nothing, in my sister’s case seeking to control with menace if necessary, and with my dad, well he just wants to die. He is easy to deal with cos I just stay upbeat with him or walk away if he is putting other family members down. He’s not doing anything to bring me down so I guess that’s why I’m finding him easier to deal with.
Did I really choose these people? I am so different from them. They are all afraid of the world, but for me my safe place is the world and my not-safe place is there in their “safe” home with them. They’re trapped in these patterns that I worked with such devotion to break out of. I offer them my hand all the time and they reject it, they don’t want to come out of their crazy behaviour patterns.
Did I really choose for all of that to happen to me? Sexual, physical, verbal, emotional abuse and neglect. Who would choose that?
A few years ago I came under the care of a chronic fatigue clinic and they explained that my early childhood experiences had re-set my nervous system to constant alertness, ever ready for fight or flight, set much higher than is healthy, and that that is what caused much of the fatigue I’ve experienced over the last two decades. I also suffered from rheumatoid arthritis for 16 years and managed to heal it in the end because I always believed I could get better. There is no lack of seeking and questioning and positive belief here, but it’s really hard to accept that I chose this and I chose them. I’ve tended to see it (since I started my Buddhist studies) as determined by karma, i.e. my own responsibility due to negative actions committed in the past, but not a conscious choice.
I am of course willing to explore this as a possibility but I have to tell you how hard it is to fully grasp – I’m sure you understand.
“Your relationship with your family is eternal” – this is terrifying!!!
Aren’t we all equally connected to each other? We have different families in each life. It seems really strange that we should be linked to one person or group of people more than any other, over all our lives.
“You all chose this scenario prior to your emergence into this physical reality. Now you must ask yourself why. Why did you choose this? What was the purpose of this whole arrangement? What are you supposed to get out of this? It all seems too difficult. Couldn’t it have been easier?”
In your previous message to me you said that I had chosen this in order to move from a state of no love to massive love, which IS the general direction of my life.
But it’s hard, in the face of all this debilitating suffering over many years, to get why I could have chosen that. I know that I have massive sensitivity to others’ pain as a result, so maybe I didn’t have that before and it’s what I needed to obtain, by going through it myself. I’ve been through a lot of different painful experiences so I can now relate to people with these kinds of issues, and hopefully to other issues too through listening and observing.
“Before your birth into this life, you set up some intentions for what you would explore this time around. You have experienced many lifetimes and each time you choose to explore a certain aspect of physical reality. Most of your intentions are general in nature with one or more being specific. Because you wanted to experience something more specific, you organized a childhood which would set you on a certain trajectory toward that which you came to explore. Without the childhood you had, you would not have lived the life and experienced the things you did. So, from that perspective, everything worked out as it should.”
Although these ideas are new to me I am willing to explore them as a possible truth. I can certainly see that it is a beneficial thought, and I have been taught that if something is beneficial it does not necessarily have to be true, which I guess is my deepest question here – is it true? – and I’m not sure if I will be able to find out. But like I say I am willing to work with it anyway.
“However, you also intended to experience all of this joyously. You always intended that you would feel good most of the time. You knew there would be contrast and you knew that you would expand as a result of those contrasting experiences, but you also knew you could easily return to feeling good. This is a feeling reality and the only thing that really matters is how you feel. You are meant to feel good most of the time. You are meant to strive towards feeling good. If you do not feel good, you must work to feel better.”
If I chose in this life to experience the dreadful mind-and-body-mashing suffering of child abuse, how could I expect to also feel good? Its very nature is that is causes long-standing damage which people can work through, but it takes a long time and in the course of it we doubt that we will fully heal in this life, despite all out efforts. It seems contradictory to say that I chose to experience that suffering and also planned to feel good! Even Christ, assuming he agreed in advance to be crucified, was not particularly happy about it when it was just about to occur and when it was happening. He didn’t walk along with the cross on his back laughing, cos it was hurting him. His power was in forgiveness, but he wasn’t able to transform that pain while it was happening to him.
“If you do not feel good with the association of your family, you must work it out in a way that causes you to feel good about it.”
This is why I believe a break will help me – I sense that need a physical break from them, and a mental break (which I must give myself) in order to expand what I can be – to find greater freedom, to experience joy away from the negativity I have experienced with them. Without this mind-work, it won’t work, I know. I would just continue to be haunted by things that have happened. So it is not simply about breaking away from them, but it is largely about that – knowing I am entitled to, that this really is my life, that I am free to fully live and to be who I can be.
“Would cutting off all ties to your family make you feel good? Probably not. Since you are a vibrational match to the version of your family that presents themselves to you, could you alter your vibration enough so that you might encounter another side?” I have already done this, for 25 years. I have changed enormously from the kid that they made, who was scared, self-hating, suicidal, self-harming, abusive relationship-seeking, with no understanding or experience of love, of being loved, and barely any self-regard (school/work achievement was all I had). Everyone who knows me knows how much I changed and the work that I did to bring this about. I have absolutely raised my vibration with relation to my family.
“It might not be realistic to change your vibration enough so that they would always show you their best sides, but might you be able to shift your vibration so that you see a slightly better version of them? And if you could do that, would you feel better?”
So I have done this to the best of my ability. I have devoted years to this and I’m still struggling – frightened (in the wake of the abuse that caused the PTSD), and angry with my mum that she insists on seeing me as an incapable nothing (but wants to use me as someone to try and extract pity from, e.g. for having an abusive partner, while forgetting what she put us through by having us live with her abusive partner as kids).
“They cannot and will not change,” – this is interesting, can you say more about this please?
“You must become an elevated version of yourself first and then you will notice that they are responding differently to you. You must move up the vibrational ladder and stay there a while and what you see in relation to your family will be drastically improved.”
I do appreciate this. I think about how Buddha inspires those around him and also cannot be hurt by their actions (maybe the version of Christ I wrote about earlier is inaccurate – if he was enlightened he would not have been hurt). So this does make sense. I do intend to move up the vibrational ladder, absolutely, and I do feel that is is happening for me right now. But I do think that I require freedom from the limitations imposed by my mum in particular right now. How others see us affects how we are and she sees me as utterly incapable, and is trying to put me in a space of illness so she will be needed. I’ve never before stepped out of this illness-wishing energy, and I can’t help but wonder what will happen to me when I do.
Buddha had to leave the palace to change his level of vibration, and when he had found enlightenment he brought it back for his family. This is always my intention, I would never abandon them. I actually think cutting off contact for a while would help my mum as nothing else penetrates her thick wall of denial. But I really want it for me cos I can see health and growth out there in that freedom of not having to reconnect with that negativity and not having to go through the emotional trauma of visiting them (I should add that I moved to another country, a few thousand miles away from them, so I only see them a few times a year and this has been proving very hard – not just for me but for my partner too who has to see me go through it – so we both feel it would be good for me to have a break from this stress). In my case I certainly want to feel that I am entitled to it!
“Removing yourself from the conditions that you do not like is the traditional approach you normally take, yet it is ineffective.”
Is it though? How else can I get free of what they have imposed on me?
“When you judge them to be wrong and you ask them to change, you are avoiding the only thing you can do to change the situation. You must change first.“
I’ve already changed! And I’m willing to change more. I’ve been through years (25 years in the case of my mum) of wishing for them to be able to free themselves from suffering and have offered every kind of help I have been able to access. It’s not like I haven’t tried, and it’s not like I haven’t had massive success with my own growth. What I want now is more – I want to know what is possible. I don’t get how I can do this by communing with very sick people who keep triggering pain for me. And how can it help them for me to let them damage me any more? It would be like if Buddha stayed home and ruled the kingdom as his dad wanted him to and was constantly frustrated at the potential he knew he had – and out of this loyalty to his family, not only his family but the whole world – for thousands of years – missed out on what he could have offered them.
“How do you raise your vibration? You hold yourself to a far greater standard than you have in the past. We will tell you this unconditionally: you are absolutely worthy and completely capable of creating the life you desire in the most magnificent version you can imagine. This is your reality.”
This is wonderful to hear – thank you.
“Everyone is in it for your growth and expansion.” – can you say more about this please?
“It is time for you to hold yourself in high regard. You must see the magnificence that is you. You must love yourself before others will see the magnificence of you.”
I thought that I did – but you seem to be saying that that is not enough and I need to do this a lot more?
“If you continue to think less of yourself, based on events that may have happened long ago, you deny your own value.”
I don’t think less of myself because I experienced abuse, though I am sure that the emotional abuse and neglect have taken their toll in ways that I can’t know, until I put myself in a space where I can become free of them. That’s one of my hopes in breaking contact with my family.
“Everything will change for you as you start to see your own worth.”
I mulled over this – cos I thought I already saw my own worth. What you seem to be saying is that my worth is greater than I had realised. For example, playing with money terms, if I thought my worth was £10,000, it sounds like you are saying it is billions of pounds. So where I thought I was valuing myself I was actually undervaluing myself.
“We are trying to nudge you away from your current approach to life where you believe that outside forces control your fate. We are asking you to accept personal responsibility for every aspect of your life. We know this is a lot to ask, yet we also know you have the intelligence and inner connection to understand our message.”
Thank you for working with me in this way. I massively appreciate that you are there and offering this information and support to myself an others, it is an amazing thing and I feel very privileged to be helped in this way. I have been helped by many kind humans and I believe there are other beings who are supporting me. It’s amazing to be able to communicate with you by email via Gary! I kind of imagine you all sitting round a table wearing white robes and being awesome, though I understand that really you are non-physical. I think of you as all male as well (maybe because of your name) but again I’m sure you don’t have genders in a non-physical realm. 🙂
“To accept personal responsibility for every aspect of my life” does not sound too far-fetched right now, though it can seem so at other times.
“For now start thinking about yourself” – do you mean focusing on my healing, well-being, happiness?
“and allow the others to be as they are.” – this is pretty much my plan with regard to my family! But it is good advice for me with my partner I think! Please let me know what I am not getting about how staying in touch with my family could help me right now.
Thank you for being open to discussing this further with me and I hope that this expended response is okay with you!
Lots of love!!!!!
I forgot to ask one thing!
Joshua said “You must see the magnificence that is you.” How should I understand this? I mean, it sounds like fun, it’s obviously not an egoistic thing but sounds like it is, and what does it mean? I have some experience with Highest Yoga Tantra practice whereby one is transformed into an enlightened deity – in this way one would be magnificent, but I am not familiar with the idea of elevating myself as myself. Please let me know!!
With thanks and lots of love.
We are thrilled and delighted to receive such a wonderfully detailed response to our answer. This is very exciting for us and we enjoy this interaction immensely. Here’s what we would like to convey to you and we want to help you to see this life of yours which seems so important, dramatic, and intense as simply a brief experience of reality. While you have certainly expanded in this lifetime, nothing that serious is going on here. It may seem very serious from your perspective, but when you reemerge into nonphysical, you’ll smile about the whole thing. From that higher perspective of your nonphysical self, you think “okay, that was interesting and exhilarating. What next?”
Let us first talk about the beings that are represented as your family. In the physical realm they have taken on dark and foreboding attributes that are not present in the nonphysical. In the nonphysical they are beautiful beings of pure love. Every aspect of their personalities that is not pure love will be shed as they transition to the nonphysical. They, like you, will emerge as the highest versions of who they really are. The best of them will go with them and the rest will be left behind. Imagine you were all part of a play and you had roles to act out. During the play your characters were convincing, but once the play is over, you return to who you really are and you all go out to get coffee.
When we talk about your worth and the magnificence of you, we are talking about who you are now in relation to who you really are. You are an ascending being who has come very far and this version of you is the most enlightened, most conscious, most evolved version of you who has ever existed in physical reality. While you will never stop growing, expanding, and evolving, you must appreciate who you are now. We acknowledge the great strides you have made in this lifetime. The abuse you suffered through in your life has spurred this tremendous and exciting growth. You have come a long way indeed.
You will never stop expanding, growing, becoming more evolved. You will always encounter what you feel is contrast which will spark further growth and expansion. But you can change how you view contrast. You can see it as something that is there to serve you. It’s there to move you to higher levels of expanded consciousness. This is what you desire. This is what interests you. This is what you intended prior to your birth into this life. The pursuit of higher levels of understanding, awareness, and consciousness is one of your passions in this life. It’s the basis of who you are.
From the nonphysical perspective, you are a teacher. To understand more of physical reality, you chose the trajectory of your life. It turned out just as you all intended. Yet to continue to give the past as much importance as you do causes you to resist the real growth and freedom you seek. We think that breaking ties with whatever you deem as unnecessary is wonderful as long as you can realize that it need not bind you to your past. For instance, your personality is completely wrapped up in the abusive treatment you received in the past. You still believe that what happened was wrong and that you were a victim. This mentality makes you feel better, but at the same time is keeps you from learning what you’ve come here to learn which is that you are the creator of your reality.
Do you understand that? How can you be the creator of your own reality and create a life that was so wrong? You are conflicted. You’ve been searching for the truth your entire life. Yet, when you come to the edge of the knowledge you seek, your belief system stops you from going any further. You want to make all of the philosophies fit into the experience of a victim. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Since it doesn’t fit, you cannot gain the knowledge that will set you free.
This is your dilemma. You must begin to realize that there is more going on here than you can see. You must look at everything from a new perspective. You must try to put your past in the proper perspective. This is a growth experience and that is all. On the one hand your unique childhood caused you to explore aspects of reality you would never have explored without that specific childhood. Yet you deem it as wrong and bad and this limits the very knowledge you came here to explore. Your greatest joy will come on that day when you understand that everything happened for a purpose and you were intimately involved in the planning and orchestration of it all. Knowing that, you can let it all go and pursue only those things that interest you now.
Your attachment to your family is not one of physicality. You are attached mentally. You can’t stop thinking about them and this is the attachment you seek to break. You could break your attachment regardless of your physical proximity as soon as you release the belief that what happened was wrong and this will be very difficult, although not impossible.
We come to teach you to look at everything from the higher perspective. If you were a being of pure love, how would you look at your life now? What would you think in regard to your family? Would you think they are wrong or bad, or would you forgive them for being who they had to be in order for you to come here now talking to us. There are one of the very, very few humans in the world who speak to us. Only the magnificent do. And you are one of the magnificent.
With great love,