Dear Joshua,
So ~ today I worked with succulents ~ replanting and making wreaths. I enjoy this very much.
On another note ~ sometimes when I am talking to one of my sons about something ~ my husband will say something ~ something I already know and immediately my persona will take over as if I am being attacked. As if I am stupid and don't know what I am talking about. This is all made up in my head ~ I get that ~ it takes me back to when I was a child and my mom told me I was stupid.
Logically, I understand that this is totally false, however when it happens I feel my whole body tense up and shut down. Resistance. Again ~ logically I can eventually talk myself back out of it, but I would like to be able to take these moments in stride and not feel bad.
With Love and Gratitude
~ Wendy
Dear Wendy,
The ego defends the persona rigorously. It does feel intense, we understand that. But the persona is false and the ego needs to protect nothing. For instance, if you were living as the full expression of who you really are, you would have no persona and therefore your ego would not need to protect it. You believe yourself to be an intelligent person and this is a very beneficial belief. You have access to intelligence just as everyone does. You are no more or less intelligent than anyone else. Nothing is stored in your brain, it is simply accessed from the nonphysical. A thought is not a physical thing, it is a nonphysical thing. An idea is not a physical thing, it is a nonphysical thing. All thoughts and ideas are available to those who come into the vibrational range of them. That's it.
For you to believe that your intelligence defines you is a false presumption. It does not define you. It's like saying the air your breathe defines you. You could think of yourself as an excellent breather of air, but that would be preposterous because all people breathe air in relatively the same fashion. All people have access to ideas and thoughts in relatively the same fashion. It does not define you.
Nothing defines you because, by definition, you are a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. If anything, you are limited by the definitions you place on yourself. By saying you are a genius, you limit yourself because you are much more than that. By saying you are loving, you limit yourself because you are love. You are much more than you think you are. You can't begin to see the magnificence and perfection we see when we look at you. Who you are is so much more than your definition of self.
So stop defining yourself. Stop worrying about how you are perceived by others. Your husband, or someone else, may say things that trigger this insecurity, but they are saying it for you so that you can identify and realize that you have some limiting beliefs that deeply rooted. They may have been caused by your mother or not. It does not matter now. Forgive your mother and all those who you feel betrayed your love. They did not know what they were doing. They were doing the best they knew how. There's nothing wrong with any of it. Your life would not be better had they been different. It is no longer their fault. You can forgive the past. You are here now. Everything has unfolded perfectly to bring you here. This is a good issue to work with. This is an excellent example of resistance. You are now looking at the subject rationally and you are identifying a limiting belief based in the fear that you are not good enough. Guess what? You are.
Okay then, does it matter to your husband, sons, or anyone else if you are smart, stupid, or a genius? No, of course not. Does it matter to you? No of course not. Being smart doesn't make you good. You are good. Being super-intelligent doesn't mean anything other than you have allowed yourself to reach for thoughts that make it seem as if you are intelligent. The thoughts are there. You receive thoughts that you are a match to. Others receive thoughts that they are a match to. There is no difference except the label you place on the process.
You are worthy. You are unique. Your contribution to all that is is important and equal to everyone else's contribution. No one is better than you. No one is more worthy. No one is worse or less worthy. No one is more unique. That would not be possible. It is your own perception of yourself that has you confused. You look out at those around you and you see people living life in all sorts of ways. Some you believe are doing better and some you perceive as doing worse. But they are all the same. They are all doing what they think they should be doing, but no one has it fully figured out. Everyone has selfimposed limitations to some degree. Just like you, they all look at those they think are doing better and they either feel inspired to do well or bad for not being as good.
When you come to see your true value and worth, your ego will no longer find it necessary to defend this false persona. You will not feel negative emotion when someone says something because it will not affect you. You will not feel shame, embarrassment, envy, or anything else. You will feel good. You will feel confident. You will see things from a whole new perspective. We will show you the way.
With love and appreciation for your valuable participation in this deeply inspiring conversation,
We are Joshua
