Dear Joshua,
I've been reading and studying your books and your answers to me. One thought that keeps coming up for me is I've held on so tight for so long ~ it's like my grip is frozen in place. I know what needs to be done, I understand it logically, yet physically I know I am still hanging on tight. I realize I have improved some as the migraines have diminished ~ yet I can still feel myself holding on ~ TIGHT!
I have control issues, I know!! This goes back to my earliest memories of being a child and told everything had to be done just right. Perfectionism. Thinking back to that thought ~ it's like if I let go ~ engage total allowance ~ something really bad might happen because I am not "controlling" the outcome. Just like when I was little. If I didn't do it just right then the people I cared about, who's approval I sought, would be upset with me and that's not a good thing!
The base fear I have is if I'm "ok" with everything as it is ~ what if "as it is" turns bad and something happens to my boys, or Tom, our finances, or my health gets worse. My thoughts are I must constantly be monitoring everything and everyone to make sure no one makes any mistakes or makes the wrong decision (according to my perfectionist opinions). Again, logically, I get that these fears are false. I can logically rationalize them and see how they are false. I know logically I cannot control anyone, yet I still have these extreme intense thoughts that cause me to tighten up myself emotionally and physically.
Any guidance you have around this will be GREATLY appreciated!!
With Love and Gratitude
~ Wendy
Dear Wendy,
The tight grip you feel is simply fear. It is irrational fear and it is not necessary. Nothing bad can happen. There is nothing that can happen that would be considered bad. Not to you, your boys, Tom, your finances, or even your health. It is all good. Everything that happens, happens for you, not to you. This is the basic principle of physical reality. Once you get this, your fears will slip away.
You believe that something bad has happened to your health. This is a perception that arises because you are not looking at the positive aspects of your physical condition. You see it as bad, but you could also see it as good. Does that make any sense at all? This is the perspective we are teaching you. When you believe that there are good things and bad things, you allow for the possibility of fate, randomness, luck, and victimhood, and then fear sets in. If you believe that bad things can happen, you must constantly be on guard.
Your physical condition is not bad. It is simply a message asking you to alter your approach to life. Your physical condition is asking you to release this fear, which causes your inner tension and stress. The stress caused by the fear of being wrong, making mistakes, making poor decisions, etc. causes conflict within your body. Your body is trying to alert you to your present approach to life by manifesting one or more health issues. It's trying to get your attention and it is succeeding.
In an effort to cure your body, you entertained the notion of speaking to us in this one on one format. Had there been no health issues, you would not have been so willing to agree to this commitment with us. Now that you are in it, you are beginning to realize that there is more to be gained from a new approach to life than simply creating a healthy body. The irony is that you live a life that is free from stress and your only stress is that which is applied by your own thoughts. You could be free this very moment if you would simply choose another perspective.
You are alive, living in physical reality. Your health issues are caused by your chronic attempts to control your existence. You are constantly judging your conditions and behaving in ways that you believe will control these conditions so that they don't go awry. However, the conditions are merely a reflection of your vibration. Most of what you want exists in your reality. If you would simply release any and all control over the conditions, then everything you want, including a healthy body, a happy family, and financial abundance, would flow to you. There is no need for control. Your attempts to control your environment are the cause of your unwanted physical condition.
What would a life of complete trust and faith look like? It would be light, fun, easy, and full of joy. There is no need to control the conditions because you cannot possibly control anything through action or words based in fear. Action taken to control your conditions is based in fear and this fear causes you to do things that are out of alignment with who you are and what you really want. You are paddling upstream in fear that if you ease up and take your oars out of the water, you'll be swept over the waterfall that's right behind you. But there is no waterfall; just a calm stream that will take you gently right where you want to go.
What are you trying to control? Give it up. What are you trying to accomplish? Give it up. Start living for you. Start thinking about what you want. Nothing you do can be anything other than perfect. You are perfection. Everything you do is perfection. You cannot get it wrong. Everything is right. There is no wrong anywhere in the universe. Fear is the only reason you could possible see anything as wrong. It is time for you to be courageous. It is time for you to be brave. Have a little faith. Try being more relaxed. Try letting things go. Try to be imperfect on purpose.
Test out our idea in your own life. Let something go and see what happens. Allow for the fact that your boys, Tom, and everyone else can figure it out on their own. You do not need to worry about them. Take your mind off them and put it on to what you want. Focus on you for the next few months. Believe that it will all stand on its own without your help. No one needs your help. No one needs to worry about you and you need not worry about them. They are fine. Everything is good. It's all working out as intended. You were thrust on this trajectory to becoming a control freak. You choose this trajectory for a reason. Now you can finally release your control and watch in amazement as nothing falls apart. In fact, without your control (which is nothing more than intense resistance) everything will get better and better. Your control held it all back.
Joshua
