Dear Joshua,
Awesome answer! I am actually looking forward to my next opportunity where things aren't going like I expect. I have an adventure in my future. The "battery" morning felt so off to me and I knew I was reacting in a "wrong" way which was making me even madder because here was another level of things going not as I expected! I was slamming doors and yelling and had given up on any semblance of being an evolved being!
I was pretty sure I could get a battery at the paintball facility and I even knew that one of my friends would have an extra one but I didn't want to appear like I was unprepared... (Still worried on how I look, especially when I was not guilty of this crime!) I had specifically requested my wife to buy this package of batteries and she did. (See, I'm a organized guy!) In my mind, this was perfect that I had requested the battery and she had followed through on the purchase and come hell or high water, I was going to bring one of those batteries or I would cancel the damn day and make the lives of the people around me miserable to punish them for their misdeeds! (I literally feel I got to that point.
Luckily, my wife helped out and she found the batteries). Also, I was really pissed at myself for not getting everything ready the night before. That was my fault, so I didn't focus too much in that. I could always fall back on the fact if the batteries were in their proper place I would have been fine, so I'm back to absolving myself and blaming others...
As it turned out, the morning unfolded pretty good. After she found the batteries, I apologized to my wife for going way overboard on my upset level (over a battery, really?) and when I was getting gas on the way they had a little mini mart inside that actually had a pretty decent cup of coffee. Then, I made really good time getting there and I had plenty of time to run through a fast food drive thru and pick up some breakfast with some OJ (which was delicious). We got to the paintball park at just the perfect time and even though rain was in the forecast, it didn't rain and it was a perfect beautiful day and it unfolded amazingly. Everyone in our group was so awesome! I was even designated one of the captains of our group - little thing, but it felt awesome to me.
As I was leaving for the day, I can say I felt love for everyone in the group. I felt a little twinge of "this is weird" because I'm not like loving like this normally, but then I figured it was just a side effect of my perfect day and eased up on myself and just dismissed my judgement. So ultimately, my point is the day unfolded perfectly even though I had a rocky start.
This attitude of "look for the adventure" very much appeals to me and not having to defend my "reputation" feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders :)
Thanks!
Steve
Dear Steve,
What a wonderful response to our answer. There are couple of things we would like to say here. First of all there is no wrong in the universe and your response to the missing battery was not wrong either. It led you to a new level of expansion and allowed you to look back on the event and gain much from the experience. So keep in mind that nothing is ever wrong. If it appears wrong, you're simply looking at it from the lower perspective. Reach for the higher perspective and you'll see just how right it is.
The second thing we want to address is your persona. This is who you think you are, but it is not who you really are. It is just who you are being now. You have certain qualities which you think are good such as being prepared, dependable, and punctual. These might appear to be good qualities (and they are), but they do not tell the real story of who you are. Your ego is in charge of protecting your persona. Your ego believes that if you are alive right now, then these are the qualities that are keeping you alive, so it must protect your vision of you.
Simply realize that you really don't care what others think of you. This is an illusion. You only care about what you think they think. For instance, when you give them an example of your reliability, you feel good because you think they think you're punctual. Believe us when we tell you that they are far more concerned with what you think about them. They don't have time to form much of an opinion you of you. They are way too busty with their own insecurities.
The tinge of love you felt was because you thought they were thinking positive thoughts of you. Who cares? All you need to do is realize you're on an ever-evolving journey and the only thing that matters is how you feel. You must feel good about yourself and leave the others out of it.
Right now, in order for you to feel good, you must act in a way that causes you to believe that others are thinking well of you. You can't know what they are thinking, so you must realize that this is all a big game you're playing in your mind. If you believe you are acting in a way that makes others think highly of you, you feel good. But if you do something that falls outside the boundaries of admiral behavior, you fly off into a fit of anger and you blame others. This is simply the natural process of the ego trying to maintain control over the persona.
Now, when you allow that persona to dissolve, which means that you don't think too highly of any particular attribute you may possess, and you care less about the opinions of others, then your ego will not fight to control your persona. You will never again become upset or blame others. You life will become easy. You will live in fearless defiance of everything you consider good and proper.
If you can look back at the scene and analyze what happened and why it seemed so important to you, then you can begin to understand our message to you. Many other people would not care that the battery was missing, so they would not be the least bit upset. They are not tying their persona to this aspect of their personality. They don't care about being prepared, being punctual, or even being reliable. If someone tells them that they are not punctual, prepared, or reliable, they don't care. It doesn't affect them. Their ego needs not protect their persona, because neither of these qualities make up their persona. In this one specific case, they would simply go with the flow, pick up a battery along the way, and enjoy themselves immensely. Now, they may have other attributes that their egos protect in order to maintain their personas, but these are not among them.
You are already punctual, reliable, and responsible. There's no need to prove it any longer. You could not be any different. You do not need to reinforce your own opinion of yourself by thinking about what others are thinking of you. Just know you are these things and if on some occasion you find yourself not being any one of these things, realize that it doesn't matter in the least. These attributes are not helping you to create the reality you want. They are far more resistant in nature than they are beneficial. They are a trap. Release your need to prove your worthiness by being punctual, prepared and reliable. Who cares?
You are love,
Joshua
