Dear Joshua,
Question #19:
I have a recurring theme in my arguments where I get really mad when during a discussion I interpret that the other person thinks I'm stupid or an idiot when in fact it is because they are misinterpreting the discussion in such a dramatic way that it appears that way to them and this infuriates me. I am trying to identify the false belief here.
I know that I am not dumb, so I don't think it's a worthiness issue, but maybe it is? If I felt completely worthy, I would be impervious to others opinions of me, right? (but who wants to be perceived as dumb no matter who they are?) So it's my image that is being tarnished and I feel it necessary to defend this? And I notice this only happens with the people I most care about, strangers I don't care what they think of me... This has been an 20+ year ongoing issue, so I feel it must be rooted deeply inside me. Am I on the right track (it's a worthiness issue) and if so how best to go about minimizing it? I seriously think very highly of myself and this truly baffles me!
Question #20:
I am the most competitive person I know. I want to be the fastest, best, smartest, etc. I think I have fun and enjoy that part of myself but ultimately, is this based out of my own insecurities and and does this serve me? As I "evolve" will this competitive streak become less pronounced?
Thanks!
Steve
Dear Steve,
We thought it would be fun to answer both of these questions at the same time since they're related. You are worthy, you are unique, and you're here to explore some aspects of physical reality. In exploring these aspects you were launched on a certain trajectory. You have now come to a greater awareness of self. You now understand at an intellectual level that you are worthy and that everyone else is worthy too. You are no more worthy than any other person.
So, if this is true, why would it feel good to compete? Why would it feel good to be right? Why would it feel good to be considered smart by other people? These are all aspects of your own worthiness and since proving worthiness is not beneficial, why does it feel so good when you win, when you're considered good, and when you are right? It doesn't seem to make sense.
Everyone, no matter their level of conscious awareness, wants to feel more worthy. You feel very worthy now and that's why, when your worthiness is questioned, you get angry. If you felt worthless, and someone berated you or called you stupid, your feelings would not change. It's because you feel so worthy, that when that level of worthiness is called into question, you feel bad. However, you are missing the point of these feelings. What is your emotional guidance system telling you?
A lot of this has to do with wanting to control the conditions in the moment. The actions, words, or expressions of those who are close to you are the conditions and you want them to be different than they are. When they don't understand you, and they feel unworthy because of this, they say or do things that cause you to feel angry. Again, you must strive to see their perspective in all things. You are the conscious one. You have the most practice. You are reaching for the higher perspective. This is all done to help you move forward.
So, in this case, we see that your levels of worthiness, confidence and awareness are very high and quite healthy. All you need to do is realize that others are operating at a lower vibration. You can be brought down (temporarily) to their vibration if you fail to see the situation from the higher perspective. The strongest vibration will win in these situations. You can maintain your high vibration even if they cannot join you there.
Let's talk a little more about vibration. In order for you to be aware of the existence of anything, you must be vibrationally compatible with it. When you are in a lower vibrational frequency of anger, despair, jealousy, confusion, mistrust, doubt or fear, you have access only to low vibrational thoughts and ideas. As you raise your vibration, you have access to higher level thoughts and ideas. If you are at one vibration, and a stranger is at another vibration, and they don't get you, it doesn't bother you because you are allowing them to be where they are. However, if someone close to you is in a lower vibration, and they don't understand you, you want them to be at a higher vibration. You want them to be different than they are. You want to change their condition because you feel it would be better for you.
They cannot understand much of what you have to say from their lower vibration because they are not vibrationally in tune with you. That's just how it is. You think they can see what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel, taste what you taste, and smell what you smell. But their vibration is different than yours and they do not have access to the thoughts that you resonate with.
When your children where young, you understood that they were at a different level than you. You knew how to speak, move, read and write. They did not. You knew they would catch up with you as they grew so you had no inner conflict when they could not operate at your level. The same is true for most people you know. They are no where near your level of consciousness and therefore you must give them the benefit of your higher perspective. You must seek to understand their perspective as they operate from their lower vibrational level. In time they will catch up to where you are now. It may not be in this lifetime, but trust that they will get there. You can't help them, but you can be supportive.
All you need is to maintain your focus on what is wanted. You want harmony, you want expansion, you want to be who you really are. You enjoy being focused. This is why you are competitive. Competition helps you to focus. The better the competition, the more focused you must be. Focus on what is wanted when those around you are not seeing the world from your perspective. They are all here to help you focus.
Love,
Joshua
