Steve Question #100

 

Dear Joshua,

I think it is very interesting timing for me to start wrapping my head around not caring what others think of me. Being at the Sturgis motorcycle rally, there is a totally different "norm" than where I live and anything seems to go. It's quite freeing for me! So I've used this as the excuse to transform my look from "Corporate Steve" to "Bad Boy Harley Steve" (leather vest, facial hair, the clothes, boots, etc) which has been a lot of fun for me. So am I caring less or more about what people think of me? This is fun for me, almost like going to a costume party where I can be whoever I want. So isn't that a good thing? But on the other end of the spectrum, I am definitely "fitting in", so that points to me being concerned with what others think of me. Love to hear your take on this...

Thanks!
Steve


Dear Steve,

We will always say that the most important thing is how you feel and if you feel good fitting in with any group, then that is a good thing. However, your feelings are still derived from the external, not the internal. You feel good as a reaction to what you see in your life. If there is something good to look at, you feel good and if you happen to notice something you judge as bad, you feel bad. You are still allowing the outside world to control how you feel. We would like you to remember that you can choose how you feel regardless of what the outside world is showing you.

Imagine if you went to a movie and you were so deeply immersed in it that when the characters were happy, you laughed along with them and when something tragic happened to them you cried or felt sad. This is what is intended by the producers of movies and because you are so used to feeling as a reaction to the world around you, movies are simply an extension of how you operate in your world. But if you look at how you feel when watching a movie, whether your happy, sad, scared, excited, etc., it's muted to a sense because you know it's just a movie. You're really not that sad or scared because you know it's not real. However, you still think real life is real.

When you dress up to fit in to any situation, you are managing your own feelings because you're fooling yourself into believing that others are thinking positively of you. You have no idea what they're thinking, you're just assuming they are accepting you because of how you look. If you went to Sturgis dressed in your office attire, you'd be fooling yourself by believing they think badly of you. Can you see that it's only you who creates whatever it is that they might be thinking and it's only you who can feel good or bad as a reaction to whatever you believe they are thinking? And can you further understand that you're making it all up anyway?

You are creating the illusion that you fit in with the bikers in Sturgis by dressing as they dress. It's an effective illusion and it makes you feel good. Your feelings in Sturgis are similar to your feelings at home because you're managing the exterior environment. But could you learn to manage your interior environment? Could you possibly choose how you feel regardless of what the exterior environment seemed to be presenting to you? Could you wear your biker gear to work and your office outfit to Sturgis and still feel good? Could you simply be you in any environment and allow people to be as they will be without your judgment of how they feel about you? When you can do that, even in the smallest degree, you will have made great strides to becoming who your really are.

When you can act as if people like you regardless of how they behave, what they say, or how they look at you, then you have learned to control your feelings from the inside out, rather than the outside in. When you can start controlling the thoughts that lead you to feel good or bad, and tune only to good thoughts, because those are the thoughts that make you feel good, then your reality will slowly alter itself to align with how you are predominantly feeling. Feeling good, by thinking good thoughts, creates a reality that feels good. It's a self-fulfilling cycle of good feelings and the cycle never ends.

So we suggest you manage the exterior environment as best you can but realize that you're still reacting to the exterior by default rather than purposely creating the vibration that attracts positive thoughts, positive emotions, positive feelings and total acceptance of the conditions. This is what you are striving for in every moment. Total acceptance is your goal.

Love
Joshua

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