Joshua,
I understand that everything happens for me, nothing ever happens to me. I'd just finished saying those words as I was wrapping up my first take of the Passion Meditation. I felt really good about it, and thought I might not even need to record a second take. But when I clicked back over to Garageband, I realized I'd hit the "Play" button instead of the "Record" button, so I didn't actually record anything.
Why did that happen for me? Was it not as great of a take as I thought it was? I was inspired to do this tonight...now I'm kind of over it and think "Well, maybe tomorrow..." Is that just negative emotion resulting from the "mistake"? Would it be best to push through it and record another (perhaps even better) take?
Can't wait to hear your insights on this. I just decided I'm going to go try one more time. And I'm going to make sure I hit "Record" this time.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
There are no accidents. When you assume that you did something wrong and you dip into a lower emotional state, you are looking at it from a limited perspective. Imagine believing you recorded it perfectly and then come to realize that you didn't record it at all. What could that mean? Think about what you were recording; the passion meditation. Of all the meditations, this is the one where you seemingly made a mistake. Think about what that means.
You are coming into tune with a new approach to life. In this new approach you are no longer alone. You are no longer doing everything by yourself. You are becoming blended with your inner self. You are intellectually aware of the forces of the universe and the mechanics of physical reality. Now it is time for you to put what you know into practice. It was not you who hit the "play" button instead of the "record" button.
You have this belief that you must be perfect at something in order to enjoy it. You are a perfectionist. Is this a good thing? Counter to what you've learned, it has its drawbacks. If you don't get something right, even though you've enjoyed the process, you beat yourself up and call yourself wrong or bad. This is what a perfectionist does. Why do they do this? Because of irrational fear. They are tying their performance to their value as a human being. The use feedback and praise from others to prop up their sense of worth. They do not feel worthy on their own, so the seek accolades.
There is a lot of momentum behind this. It started in childhood. You are constantly seeking approval; even from yourself. When you make a mistake, that mistake is a dent in your perception of yourself. Your ego is trying to protect your false and fragile persona. But it can't win. You mustn't let it win. Worrying about mistakes is living in the fear-based approach to life. You know more now.
Why are you recording the meditations anyway? Because you enjoy the work and you enjoy being a co-creative partner in all of this. This is fun, satisfying, and interesting work. But you are still tied to the feedback. Forget the feedback. Forget the praise. Do it because you enjoy it. Do it because you bring something unique and special to it. Listen to the feedback and allow others to contribute to your work in order to make it better, but do not tie your self-esteem to it.
There is no one on earth who could do what you do. Only you could do it. That's why you were led to us. You think this was just a coincidence. It was not. There are no random events in the universe. You are here for a reason. You are on a journey. You must overcome this need to be perfect and allow yourself freedom to produce your magic without self-criticism or worry about what others think. Your work is not a reflection on you. Anyone who may have led you to believe this was simply transferring their fear to you. Your work is self-contained and it stands on its own.
With our love and appreciation,
Joshua
