Kyla Question #86

 

Joshua,

Yesterday I felt inspired to go to that person's house, and so I did. I realized before going over there that I could release my fear without seeing him in person. I think when I reached out the day before, I was seeking external validation that I had nothing to be afraid of.

I felt neutral as I left my apartment, neutral on the drive over, and then a small charge when I saw his truck in the driveway. I pushed through the fear, and knocked on the door. He didn't answer initially, and I debated what to do. My gut said to knock again, harder and louder, so I did.

He came to the door, obviously having just woken up. He looked surprised to see me, but smiled and said "Hey, what's up?" and then invited me in. I went into the kitchen where I'd laid on the floor with his blood on me, sat in the living room he threw me across, and proceeded to explain why I was there.

The whole experience was very surreal. But, at the same time, it felt natural. I was shocked at how normal I felt being there. He told me that none of what he'd done had anything to do with me, which I'd thankfully already realized for myself.

I stayed there for over an hour. We talked about what's happened in our lives since the last time we saw each other. And we had an interesting conversation about power. He was talking about his last relationship, about how terrible it was, and I asked him what he'd gotten out of it. He said, among other things, that he liked the feeling of power he had over her, even though he shouldn't like that feeling.

I asked him why he thought he shouldn't like it. I said that I've learned that I also enjoy feeling powerful, so I try to channel that feeling in ways that are in alignment with what I want and who I am. I told him there are women out there who choose to give away their power to men who like to take power. I did not mention that I happen to be one of those women.

I left his house feeling powerful. He told me I should come back to the bar where he hangs out. I said I didn't know about that. He then asked if he could call me sometime to say "Hey". I said he could call, but I may or may not answer. And then I got in my car and drove home.

I felt exhilarated. I took my dog for a walk, and everything around me seemed so bright and vivid. I felt the beauty of the neighborhood, the trees, the sunshine, the wind, the butterflies, and myself all wrapped up in one incredible overwhelming feeling.

So I feel like that part of your answer, the part that has to do with him, is resolved for me (as much as it can be). But there's more there, I know it, because I felt a tightening in my chest when I read it this morning. And I feel it now when I think about it. I don't know what it's about. I felt like such a badass yesterday. And now I feel like I could cry. WTF is going on with me? I know in my head that I'm a being of pure positive love who is creating her own reality, but all of a sudden I feel grounded in physical reality, like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing here. This is all so fucking weird.

With love,
Kyla


Dear Kyla,

You are moving from fear to love and from the victim who believes in fate to the creator who creates her own reality. All people are doing this but at a much slower pace. While you could have accomplished what you did through the art of analysis, you chose to confront your issue in person. The reality of that caused you to feel two things: the exhilaration of pushing through fear and the feeling of being overwhelmed with emotion. It's like you turned the light on and saw some things you like and some things that scare you all at the same time.

Remember that this aspect of your life is something you came to explore. You have explored it and you are on the other side of it. You are feeling more empowered due to this interaction with us, yet you are only half way through the program. There's more growth to come. Had you waited until you were vibrationally ready, you might not have been inspired to physically confront this person. You could have done it through the use of your imagination and that would have worked also.

You had an idea of who this person was because you saw him from the perspective of your former self. You are now quite different, but you're not all the way there yet. You are operating at a much higher frequency, so the need to release your power is less intense, but it's still there. This is why you feel the way you feel. You believe you have already arrived at the place where you no longer feel the need to hand over your power to a man. You believe that the reason you gave away your power was due to a feeling of unworthiness. Now that you feel worthy, you should not be pulled back in that direction ever again. It is not as simple as that. This subject is one you came here to explore and so your vibration is still a match to it. It is only when you truly realize your power, your worthiness, and your value, that you will finish your exploration in this area and move on to something even more significant.

It is true that you must resolve this issue before you move to the next level. But we promise you that this issue is a tiny step compared to where you will go. However, it must be resolved. Experiment a little more with it now, but know that it is no longer necessary. In just a little while you will be at such a high place that you would never consider going back and rehashing the past. The past brought you here and that is a wonderful thing. That's all you need to remember about the past. You can leave it all behind.

With love and admiration and appreciation,

Joshua

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