Joshua,
Tonight was a very interesting night. I don't know how to write this question. Lots of irrational fear around this topic, but I'll push through it.
I wanted to explore my sexuality, and that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm having lots of positive experiences, but I still haven't allowed a man to bring me to orgasm entirely on his own. I've had a few men watch me get myself there, and then participate in its replication, but I still always have the ultimate say in how/when it happens.
I've realized that my control issues extend to my orgasm, so I've set an intention to work through those issues, let go of control, and let somebody else do all the work. I'm fortunately at a place in my life where I have a few men lined up, all ready and willing to attempt to help me achieve my goal.
Tonight I spent time with another man who seems like a promising candidate. He listened attentively, understood what I was looking for, and clearly communicated what he was looking for. He expressed serious interest in helping me achieve my desire.
At this point, I don't really care who it happens with, I'd just like to reach that place of knowing that it's possible. I feel like I'm almost there. Do you, in your infinite intelligence, have any hints to help me get there just a little bit faster?
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
The manifestation of an orgasm is like the manifestation of everything else. You birth a desire because you want to discover and experience the feeling of it in physical reality. You imagine what it feels like and then you plot your way to the manifestation of it. However, as you know, you can't see how it will all unfold. You are trying to create the manifestation on your own. You are trying to control the whole process of manifestation because you believe that you have some control over it.
Most of the major manifestations just happen without you doing that much other than acting when inspired to act. The same is true of this desire. All you have to do is let go and allow it to happen naturally. There's nothing for you to do other than to stop trying and start feeling your way to it. What feels good? What feels right for you? Forget about judgment, embarrassment, and all the irrational fear. There's nothing wrong. It's not serious. It can be a really fun and enjoyable journey to the manifestation. There's no rush. There's nothing you have to do. Let it happen when it happens.
As soon as you drop your attachment to the outcome, and your belief that this inability to have an orgasm through sex with a man is a bad thing, and that this idea that it defines you in some way, and the limiting beliefs around sex in general, it will happen. Until then relax about it. Joke about it. Tell your lovers about it. Experiment with it. Play around with it. Use it as a way to discover more things about yourself and sexuality in general. We could not imagine a more exciting problem to have.
You know you can have an orgasm. You know you don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex. You know that other women have orgasms through sex with men and so it is natural. You know there is nothing scary about it. You know that it is a control issue and that you are simply holding yourself apart from it because of some limiting beliefs around the areas of control and dominance. You know that an orgasm is the most natural thing in the world. You know that you are free to be who you are and experience whatever it is that you want regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes. You know that it will come when you are ready and you will know it when that time comes.
This thing you look at as a problem is here for you. Do you realize that? If you could orgasm easily, wouldn't that be a bit boring? Now you have an excuse to try new things with new people. Now you have a rational reason to do some in-depth research. What a lucky person you are. What a perfect dilemma.
With our love,
We Are Joshua
