Kyla Question #53

 

Joshua,

I just got goosebumps and it made me think of you. I'm having the most incredible time with this person who accepts me exactly as I am. I'm laying there appreciating the moment, and then one thought leads to another, and I begin to wonder, "Am I just a symbol of this person's worthiness? Does he actually like me for me or does he just like how he feels when he's with me, does he just feel good about himself because he's with this younger woman, or does he genuinely like me for me because of who I am?"

Just now as I was writing that, I thought "Why not both"? This question was originally headed in a different direction, but I've just fleshed out that the only reason I like being with him (or anyone) is because of how I feel when I'm with them. How I feel about them is just a reflection of how I feel about myself.

So...that means it doesn't matter what it is about being with me that makes him feel good. All that matters is that I feel good, and that he feels good (because that's simply a reflection of how I feel). I can get the eff out of my head and just appreciate that I'm feeling good.

All I have to do is allow everything that I want to flow to me. And that's exactly what I'm choosing to do.

Life is so fucking cool.

With love,
Kyla


Dear Kyla,

No one likes you for who you are. They use you as their excuse to either feel good or feel bad. It's never about you per se, it's about how they feel. Certainly, when there is a vibrational match you will intersect with the other person, but this in itself is neutral. You are both getting something out of the relationship and this is why you have come together. Your vibrations are a match. Now, you can come together as friends, lovers, enemies, etc. depending on what you need to get out of the relationship.

You are using him as your excuse to feel good and he is using you as well. There is nothing wrong with this, just make sure you understand what's going on here and see it from the higher perspective.

You feel good because you believe you are a physical match, a vibrational match, and a mental match. You share the same ideology and this feels good. You think he is making you feel good, but really you are simply allowing yourself to feel good by not finding anything wrong with him (yet). When you start to notice things you don't like and you wish him to be different in those areas, you will begin to place limitations on how good you can feel. As soon as you want him to be different, you'll notice you don't feel so good anymore. He may try to appease you for a while and say nice things to keep you feeling good, but it is ultimately you who is responsible for how you feel.

The same is true for him. He will feel good around you as long as he allows himself to have the illusion that you are who he thinks you are. There's nothing you can do, but allow him his fantasy of who you are. He doesn't know the real you just as no one else knows the real you either. That's okay. Others do not have to know you for you to feel good. No one will ever really know you so it's pointless to use that as a requirement to feel good. Just allow them to think whatever they will think and don't try to be different than you are just to keep the illusion alive. If you accept them as they are, they will continue to feel very good around you. Acceptance is a feeling they are not used to and that always feels good.

All you need to control is how you feel about him (and everyone else). Allow them to be however they choose to be and don't ask them to change. If you determine that you want someone else, then find someone else rather than trying to change them into the version that you think you prefer. Remember, everyone comes to you because they have something you need. There is some information there that you require. That's why they are there in the first place. Don't place the responsibility on their shoulders, it is your responsibility to receive that which you have asked for.

Enjoy this relationship as it unfolds with joy, fun, and total acceptance. Do not try to force it or change it or navigate its course. It will unfold naturally. This has the potential to be everything you really want. However, you have no idea yet what you really want so just let it be and go with the flow.

Joshua

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