Kyla Question #29

 

Joshua,

I woke up this morning and remembered my intention for the day to be fun and easy. Work was great, with just the right amount of sessions, everything flowed, and everyone bought photos. The hospital even provided a free lunch for all the employees. I recognized this as yet another sign of my abundance and was grateful.

I was happy on the drive home, looking forward to seeing my boys. They greeted me with excited hugs, we played a bit, then I started dinner. Up to the point that food was on the table, everything was nice and easy. From that point on, things started to spiral in a direction that I perceived to be downward.

I noticed my negative emotion, and tried to find a higher perspective, but I felt swept up in the wave of negative momentum and wasn't sure how to turn it around. I ended up "punishing" my oldest for something silly (eating one more chocolate chip than he was supposed to) by refusing to watch our nightly shark video. We still snuggled and read books, but we were both bummed about the way things had gone.

With my kids, I see how I swing back and forth between opposite ends of the spectrum-- "Whoa this reality I'm creating is incredible!" and "Whoa this reality is real and I have absolutely no control over it." I recognize the second view as being completely false, yet I keep finding myself adopting that perspective in the heat of the moment (though much less now than in the past). I would love to tip the scales so that the vast majority of my time with my kids is spent in the higher perspective.

Tonight after the boys were in bed I spent some time analyzing this manifestation event and I've recognized limiting beliefs like "Bathtime and bedtime will always be a struggle." and "My kids need to act differently in order for me to feel okay." and "It matters what other people think of my parenting."

I was able to find evidence to prove those beliefs false, so have likely reduced their intensity. But I'm still wondering why I attracted this situation when I had been flowing ease and fun and joy all day? And now that I've done work on these limiting beliefs, does this mean the nightly "witching hour" can be more pleasant for all of us?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

With love,
Kyla


Dear Kyla,

There is certainly some momentum here. You might have been eager to keep the flow going a little longer and worried that something would spoil it. But that's life and as long as you are focused on feeling good as long as you can, you will build up some momentum for that as well.

Manifestation events which give rise to negative emotion don't just happen when you are feeling bad, they happen when you perceive things to be going well also. This is a very good thing because when you are feeling good and you are hit with a negative emotion, you really notice it and you can take action to analyze it. When you are feeling bad, a bad-feeling emotion is far less noticeable and you often dismiss it as part and parcel of your lower emotional state of being. It is indeed a good thing that manifestation events occur when you are feeling good.

Now, let's think about the event and why it happened when it did. You are feeling good and enjoying time with your children. Everything is going well until dinner time. There is a limiting belief that must be addressed so that you can get what you want. This is about you, not your children. They are inspired to act out in a way that will trigger your limiting beliefs so that you have a chance to work on them. The universe set this all up for you and luckily you realized this after things cooled down. You could have realized it the instant you felt negative emotion, but you're still caught up in the belief that negative emotion is wrong.

So you see that you want to organize every aspect of your child's behavior so that you can feel good. You already know that this is limiting because you know not to rely on outside conditions to make you feel good. That is your job, not theirs. You must find a way to feel good despite their actions and behavior. If you get tied to their behavior and it causes you to feel good or bad, then you have no control over your life or your creation of it. You must learn to feel good regardless.

Certainly there is some fear at the basis of the limiting belief. Mostly it is fear that you have little control over their behavior and that could be dangerous. Now that they are not under your sole command, you fear for their safety when they are not around you. This is something you cannot and should not wish to control. Instead, teach them about their own guidance system. You don't want them to rely on your for guidance anyway.

Now it comes time to practice. Start allowing them to be who they are and let them do what they want as much as you can physically stand. They will not be injured by an extra treat. Nothing will happen to them if they do not obey every single command. They are here to live their lives and not to make you feel good. You are using them as your excuse to feel good or bad.

Tomorrow, see if you can allow them a little more freedom and observe the results. Pay attention to your emotions and soften your reaction. Don't ask them to be different than they are, instead ask yourself to feel differently about them. Play with this and let us know how it feels and what actually happens.

Joshua

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