Kyla Question #13

 

Joshua,

You're right. I see now how my desire to achieve unconditional love for him was really rooted in a desire to avoid uncomfortable situations (i.e. manifestation events) involving him.

It's way easier for me to say that phrase ("you're right") to you than it would be to say to my ex. Can you flesh out for me how to say that without feeling like I'm admitting that I'm wrong? I understand that that's a limited perspective view, seeing as there's no wrong anywhere in the universe, but I have a lot of resistance around the idea of telling him he's right (even if he is). It feels like the equivalent of handing over my power to him.

I feel like I'm already hearing whispers of your answer (or maybe it's my inner self's answer), but I'd love to read what you have to say on this.

With love,
Kyla


Dear Kyla,

Whether one is right or not is a matter of perspective. From the perspective of your husband, he believes that he is right and so from that perspective, he is. But it does not matter whether you believe he is right or not. That's not what we're talking about. You don't have to believe that he's right from your perspective. All you have to do is see that he thinks he's right from his perspective.

He may not even believe he's being right and therefore he feels he has to prove that he's right. If you make him wrong, he becomes defensive. If you make him right, he drops his defenses. Which version of him works better for you?

Remember, this is your world and you create everything in it. You can rile him up and create a defensive monster or you can soothe him and create a gentle bunny. It's not that you're doing anything for him or to him. What you're doing is creating a version of him that you can work with. You're creating what you really want. You're removing your ego in order to have things go your way. This is how you actively participate in the creation of your personal experience.

Do you want to arm him or disarm him? Is he easier to be around when he feels good or when he feels bad? Does he have access to loving thoughts, words and actions when he feels bad? Is it ever really in your best interests to make him scared or angry? We think that if you look at the situation strategically and you remove your need to be right, you'll be able to think thoughts and say words and take actions that align with what you really want which is to keep custody of your children and maintain a manageable relationship with their father.

The problem is, you feel bad when he says something threatening. You feel fear. You get defensive. You don't give yourself enough time to realize what is happening. From your low emotional state of being you engage in a counter-offensive maneuver designed to make you feel better but results in you losing control of the situation.

We want you to keep calm and maintain control. We would love to see you react with love rather than fear. We would love to see you honestly and compassionately understand his perspective. From his perspective, he's the one who has lost everything. He does not have access to higher level thoughts, words or actions. He's doing the best he can with what he's got.

Your ex-husband is part of your eternal family. You will never lose him and he will never lose you. Think of how you can help him get through this difficult time in his life and he will appreciate everything you did for him when you meet again in the nonphysical. These are the thoughts that will come to you when you come to love another person unconditionally.

With all our unconditional love for you,

We are Joshua

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