Kate Question #72

 

Dear Joshua

I had the best time - totally relaxed and easy, with my boyfriend who came for 4 days. Time flies when he is here. I can go meditate for 15 minutes and he is good with that (even if he has zero interest in any kind of spiritual "stuff" for himself). He even improves the meals I make. I feel good with him.

He did point out that we (my older sister, my mother and I) treat my little sister differently than she needs to be treated. We baby her too much. As you know, she is different, not easy, sometimes scary, but doing well and a free spirit and I think he makes a good point, but 1) he doesn't know her, and 2) but I don't really know how to change my behavior with her. I get scared of calling her and she tells me off when I don't. How can I ease this - do I even really want to?

Kate


Dear Kate,

You started your question talking about how much fun you had with your boyfriend and then ambled your way into a discussion about your sister. You moved from love to fear. Do you do this often? You can see love when you think of your boyfriend, yet you suppress your love for your sister with thoughts of fear. There is less fear around the subject of your boyfriend and therefore you are able to receive loving thoughts about him. There is more fear around the subject of your sister and therefore you attract more fearful thoughts about her. Do you see how this works?

You feel secure that your boyfriend can take care of himself and if you lose him, you know you'll get over it. It would be painful for a time, but you would recover. You are far more attached to the safety and security of your sister because you believe you could not handle the pain if something were to happen to her. You have far greater possibility of loss and grief when it comes to your sister as compared to your boyfriend. However, there really is no difference. It's all fabricated by you in your mind and from your limited perspective.

You cannot lose anyone you know in this reality. If you know them now, you are eternally linked. You are forever connected. There is no possibility of loss. If something where to happen to them or you, you could still be and communicate with them even though you might find yourselves on different sides of the veil. You will certainly be with them again when you're both in the nonphysical.

When you think of the possibility of something happening to your sister, you fear for how it will make you feel. This is an important thing to realize and fully integrate. It's not that you're worried for the other person if they were to die or come into some other unpleasant situation. You know there is no death and that they will be lovingly engulfed back into nonphysical. They will be fine. You're really worried about you. You don't want to feel bad yourself, so you want her to be and do things that she is not so that you can feel safe.

Your sister has an inner guidance system which is leading her to the exact conditions and experiences she intended prior to your birth. To you this looks scary. She purposely makes it look scary because she knows how easy it is to manipulate you. She loves the attention, that's why she wants you to call. But you don't need to play this game. You can remove yourself from her game not by ignoring her, but by seeing the world from her perspective.

When you are the first born, you have much more freedom to explore the world as you see fit. When you are the last born you are subject to the expectations and opinions of more people. You choose what order you are born into a family and you chose your place while she chose her place. These choices influenced your trajectories. They helped you to move out and explore the world your way and the same is true for your sister. It's just that your way is much different than her way.

You can release your attachment to your sister's approach to life and embrace the fact that whatever happens, she is moving in the path she intended and she is exploring certain subjects she intended to explore. You came to explore life in a very different way. You chose her as your sister and she chose you because you knew your trajectories would not intersect. You wanted very much to be different from each other.

Rest assured that everything is going along perfectly for her. By being fearful, you make it harder on the both of you. Feel secure in the knowledge that she has guidance from many sources and is actually following a lot of that guidance very well. She is making her way as was intended.

Your work is to learn to feel good in your apprehension and fear. Look at her life from the higher perspective. Learn how to maintain your positive emotional state while talking to her. Get more interested in what she is doing and quit judging. Your judgment is designed to keep her from living life her way so that you can feel better. It won't ever work. You must find a way to feel better even when you fear for your own feelings of loss. There is no loss. Nothing can ever be lost when it is a match to you. Your bond is forever; this life is but a flash.

Joshua

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