Dear Joshua,
Emotions: I now know this is a feeling reality - thank you for that ... so .... I'm curious about substance abuse, since I have been in AA for 24 years (and sober) and started using anti-anxiety medication on and off about 4/5 years ago. I don't like myself for using it - I see myself as weak, addicted and secretive. And the idea of coming off it is scary.... And AA says to not use any kind of substance... on the other hand I function better at work when I am calm (I don't take it during the day, but it helps me sleep - especially going through menopause, where it seems to have calmed down the night sweats, hot flashes etc, and the medication is still in my system the next day).
Is taking a substance a quick fix initially to feeling good - is our personality (addicts/ alcoholics) one of instant gratification? Or do we have more intense emotions? What is going on with us? Are we just less able than the average "normy" to manage emotions? I do think that substance use and abuse is about emotions and feeling better (we hear about emotions all the time in AA and how scary they are). Why do we find emotions scary? Why are we going about soothing them in a destructive way? and I'm wondering if my "flu" isn't coming from my resistance around this subject.... and how to "sooooooth" that resistance.
I have stopped using anti-anxiety medication for longish periods since I discovered how helpful it could be (to function calmly at work - at least in my mind), but I am ashamed and embarrassed that I am not willing to go through anxiety and fear at work if I don't have to. I'm confused about all this - I do meditation - sports has helped - but functioning at work for 10 hours straight, in the face of clients who know so much more than me, and bosses who are always breathing down our neck, is downright scary for me.
Kate
Dear Kate,
You are right, this is a feeling reality and all that really matters is how you feel. You are designed to move toward feeling good and away from feeling bad. You do have strong emotions which you feel very deeply compared to many others who hardly feel their emotions at all. This is a gift. You are highly sensitive and this is partly responsible for your interest in universal forces. You intended to feel reality in an intense way.
When you don't feel good, it is right to soothe yourself. We prefer you soothe yourself by analyzing your feelings, finding the underlying the fear, and proving to yourself that the fear is false. But, if you use another method to soothe yourself, that is perfectly acceptable. If that method is no longer worth the price, then we hope you will find another method. There is no wrong in this at all. It's all part of your expansion.
If you find anti-anxiety medication helpful, then that is very good and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Others cannot know what you are feeling. There is no right way to feel better. However, we believe that by the end of this program in just a few months, you will feel differently.
You are anxious because you feel negative emotion as a result of your perspective. You are currently unable to change your perspective enough for the anxiety to dissipate. However, we know that when you do find a new perspective, one that supports who you really are and what you really want, your anxiety will fade. The medication will no longer be necessary.
So, in the coming months, we will work on finding a more suitable and accurate perspective. When this is achieved, you will feel better more of the time. You will feel negative emotion less frequently. You will learn to soothe yourself mentally. You will appreciate how good you feel naturally. Feeling good is the only thing that matters. Relieving fear by doing things you don't want to do, which then causes negative emotion, is not the answer.
Joshua
